She has been this way as long as I can remember. I started researching her symptoms a while back but along with her dementia she is really good at manipulating me. I lived alone and I don't have kids. She however didn't care much about me until she needs something. I feel used up. I am burned out. I lose my cool with her because of the constant questions about anything and everything and her not listening to my answers. She talks over me. Interrupts, manipulates and guilts. Insults. Taunts.
Meanwhile, I take her to the Drs. she's had cataract surgeries and God, just name it. There is so much more to this story and I fear for my health. I work and when I'm gone, I think she is fine.
I have been 'ON' for 24/7 for six months. No changes in sight. Thank you for listening.
Those three years were difficult and mom definitely had a narcistic personality disorder. As time elapsed her mobility issues became worse and all the responsibilities became too much for me. I had no help!
After three years of being her caregiver, mom developed a UTI and had to be admitted to the hospital for treatment. During her stay there, I talked to a hospital social worker and told her that I was finding it all too much looking after mother with no help. I also needed a knee replacement and was suffering myself.
The hospital social worker helped me find a nursing home for mom and she was admitted as a patient. This was wasn't easy because she became very angry that I was not taking her home.
A few months after her admittance to the home, I had my first knee replacement at the age of 60. Second knee replacement was at age 63.
Like you, I felt used up and burned out. She was never nice to me and didn't appreciate my self-sacrifice to see that all her needs were met. She went on to live another three years at the nursing home and demanded that I bring her home-made meals because she disliked the facility food.
Before mom passed away on my birthday, she did say she loved me. I had never heard her say that to me before. A week before her death she said "I don't want to go through this!".
There will come a time when you will need to ask for help. Your sanity and health is at stake!
I know I sound like a b***h but sometimes you need to be a little cold hearted when stuff like this happens.
I know of young women whose fathers had abandoned them and their mothers. But when these young women are ready to marry, they say "I want my Daddy to walk me down the aisle"! They want to "dream" that their fathers who never even sent child support ,really loved them.
Al of us have been brainwashed to think that we are responsible for our parents even though I understand that the law says no adult is responsible for another adult.
A stepmother who beats her adopted children is not a mother and I don't think needs to be treated as a loving mother. I believe that the Bible says to "honor thy father and thy mother", not to obey them and in biblical times, I doubt if most parents even made it to age 50 or 60 so there was no dementia issues to even consider.
For the record, I took care of my maternal grandmother, and both of my parents until they died and it was an honor. But they never raised their voices to me. My mother who was an only child, wasn't emotionally able to care for her own mother (my grandmother). I was the only daughter in an Italian family so I stepped up. It cost me dearly in emotional health because I was doing it while coping with OCD, Clinical Depression and Adult ADD. but my mother did tell me about 5 years before she died at age 93 that she didn't want me to give up my life for her. It was a little late since I was already in my '60's but I'm glad that she said it.
Take a chill pill and realize that Ms Universe is a fallacy at best, and that internally there is a realization that it is YOUR turn now to act with decency and accept responsibility to be nice, get nice and stay nice to Mother. Request, solicit and ask for help but again, SHE IS YOUR MOTHER
Dr Coppertino
Taking care of a parent doesn't mean having them live with you. RBuser can have her live somewhere else that is safe. All that is necessary is making sure that Mom has a roof over her head, food, and access to medical help. That can be done at a remote location.
Rbuser, take good care of yourself. You must come first. What would happen to her if you died? Someone would step in and take care of her.
((Hugs))
i can not agree more with this person, but I realized as time is passing by, communication and calmness is the key for improved relationships.
I have a supporting family which is a great benefit, but realized I need to take care of me or neither will survive. I 'force' myself daily to do something that I like, e.g. painting, crafting, etc.
Initially she made nasty comments or queried my actions, but I persisted and it did improve my health as well as wisdom to guard myself against negativity by not really listening and making it my own (taking it from where it is coming)
Will keep u in my thoughts and prayers and know that u are not alone. Just receiving these daily already helped me a lot. Strongs
I told my one brother I need a break - what does he do? Brings me over some "weed" and says I should smoke it and chill out. Really?
My sister and daughter are wonderful listeners, my daughter helps when she can, but she has 2 babies and works full time. Sister lives 1000 miles away and has kids and a job. I recently went on disability due to severe arthritis. So I am home with the wicked witch a lot. I don't do a lot physically for her, it is the mental torment that is so disturbing. I am so tired and drained.
You are not alone.
On my computer line on line 3 RBuser1 states, "She however didn't care much about me until she needs something". That isn't love. I don't see how your post built RBuser up.
Borderline, in this context, does not mean on the border between normal and nuts - verging on being abnormal but not quite. It means on the border between neurotic and psychotic, i.e. the two main subsets of nuts.
And to give the classic definition of those two terms:
A psychotic has lost touch with reality.
A neurotic knows only too well what reality is, and can't stand it.
I had a medical scare last week and was in the ER for chest pains. Determined not to be my heart. I came home really weak from the chest pain and it was a not long after she was wanting me to do this and that and I knew soon she would be having some of my symptoms and be sick too. But more.
We have found her and apartment to move to but most of the details will fall on me. And she needs to go.
I don't know if I can take much more stress. I ache all over. I've also missed work for almost a week.
She has always said there is 'something wrong with you' that means mentally. I am so tired. Tired and have no anything left to give to this toxic mom of mine.
And it does not matter that you have no children and live alone. If that's how you want to live your life, that's your choice.