Follow
Share

My mom has aIzhiehmer/dementia, I have power of attorney but seem to get no where with it. I have been talking to adult protective service, attorney's, police, no one can seem to help me. I cannot afford conservatorship and my brother has taken over her checking account and put his wife's name on my moms bank acct. My brother is a methadone user n I believe is still using heroine. They do not let me have any contact with my mom, I feel they have brain washed my mom they r always telling her horrible things about me, they told my mom I called the cops on her and that I called ADPS on my mom and now my mom is upset with me, I called police on my brother for threats he made to me n my family if I try to go get my mom. Theres so much more to this story I feel trapped and lost, I have always been very close to my mom and always a part of her life. He has never really been much in her life for the past 15/20 yrs and now that she has memory loss he has come to take her, my children and grandkids r so emotionally hurt over all this, they are very close to my mom. My mom has been gone now for 6 months n her weight had declined tremendously and now she is going blind in one eye. Pleading for HELP!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

25 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
Twiggie - if you are concerned about your mother's welfare, I say contact everyone and anyone who will listen. You actually have an advantage that your mother came from California - CA has very strong elder abuse laws, but be prepared for a long battle. I was actually offended for all of the posters by the innuendos by GardenArtist that there must be some things that were not shared if none of the agencies will help. My husband and I have been fighting for his mother for over 4 years. We were lucky enough to find a very good attorney to fight for her, but it has been a VERY expensive battle.Since her other children financially exploited her of every dime, she came to live with us with practically nothing. She had even been put on hospice with less than 6 months to live by one of my husband's siblings and was down to skin and bones before coming to live with us. Like, Twiggie, she was moved to another state and we did not find out until too late. It took us over 2 years to get a law enforcement agency to take the report and do anything about it. We were also in a similar situation - with 3 different states involved. Every state agency would point to the other state - 1. She does not live here anymore; 2. The financial crime did not happen here; 3. She does not live in this state anymore. We wrote to senators, governors, State's Attorney and even the White House - only to be told we needed to hire our own attorney. The government may pass the laws, but finding someone willing to enforce them is another story. Due to the fact our case is not in the court system, I cannot share all of the details but plan to fight for stronger elder laws that law enforcement will enforce if we ever get our case truly in front of a jury for the financial exploitation. Unfortunately, it seems criminals are easily granted continuances while the elderly just get older.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
In a nutshell, being POA allows you to sign on your mom's behalf, but it does not prevent your mom from deciding where to live or who to give her money to (even if you disagree) until she is legally incompetent. (Or if it is a Durable POA). It just occurred to me that perhaps Twiggy as POA could empty her mom's accounts to prevent her brother from accessing her money. I'd give that a try, but you may want to forewarn APS to watch out for mom's safety.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Maggie, Thanks for the explanation. I agree with you that the POA takes immediate effect to allow you to do your mother's banking, etc. As you stated, however, it does not preclude your mom from making her own decisions. A "Durable POA" is the only type that disallows the person from making decisions about their own affairs, but those are extremely rare. This works fine provided there are no conflicting interests between siblings, or imposters taking advantage of someone who is confused, as is Twiggy's case discussed here. For example, if you had a brother who was a con-man or drug addict and wanted to get his hands on your mother's money, you as POA would NOT have the ability to prevent your mom from leaving town with him, moving in with him, or adding his name onto her checking account (based on his influence). This is not considered illegal abduction or criminal activity...mom is still considered to be a competent adult who can make her own decisions...whether they are good or bad for her. Only a DURABLE POA would have the legal ability to override her decisions. In Twiggy's case, her brother convinced mom that Twiggy does not have her best interest at heart, and he does. Some have questioned why police or the FBI have not gotten involved. Unless Twiggy has a DURABLE POA she cannot force her mom to come home, etc. and the police cannot force mom to go home. Unfortunately I was in a similar situation, as are thousands of other people trying to protect their parents. Twiggy has four options:
1) Find a way to get her mom away from her brother and convince her to go home with her.
2) Call Adult Protective Services to conduct an investigation and determine if mom is being abused or neglected. (If not, APS cannot make mom go home or take her son's name off her bank account.)
3) Retain an attorney and file for Legal Guardianship. If the other person does not have the money or interest to retain counsel it does not go to court. If Twiggy's brother has a criminal record he would probably not want to go before a judge. In many cases where there is no clear cut choice, Guardianship is assigned to a third party.
4) Have mom declared legally/mentally incompetent in a court of law. Whoever is named most recent POA then has full control over her decisions. If Twiggy's brother has convinced mom to sign a new POA with him, Twiggy would have to hire an attorney to try to regain POA.
In your situation it sounds as if there is no conflict so the system works. When these ugly situations occur it does turn into a lengthy and expensive process. I spent $13.000 in attorney fees to get my parents out of a bad situation. There are several great articles online...unfortunately I cannot seem to cut and paste here. Try Googling... When Does POA Take Effect?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Vicki Ruff, you are incorrect. Unless a POA is specifically written up that the POA is only valid only upon a legal finding of incompetency, it is valid upon presentation. Read yours. If yours says that, then it's very unusual.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
VickiRuff, the bank didn't require the POA for mom to do her banking. It required that it be on file at the bank so that I could do her banking in the future. Mom is incapable of paying her bills and making financial decisions. She executed her POA years ago to allow for this circumstance. In Illinois, unless the POA is drawn up that someone must be declared incompetent by the courts, a POA is valid upon presentation until it's withdrawn.

Tying people's hands with a POA that requires the court and two doctors to make a determination as to whether or not one is competent defeats the purpose of the document. It's expensive. It's time-consuming. And completely defeats the purpose of its convenience. I would imagine it could take MONTHS to wind its way through the court.

My mom's POA to me does not preclude her doing anything she wishes at the bank. In order to stop her from giving all her money away, as an example, she WOULD have to be declared incompetent. Now that it's in place, it allows me to pay her bills, consolidate her accounts, etc., etc. (Example, she had 18 accounts at five different banks. I consolidated that down to 5 accounts at three banks. She was with me when I did this because we needed to place the POA for the future.)
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Twiggie, I would like to start over. First, I believe your story. I have been embroiled in a very similar situation for two years, have spent thousands of dollars on elder attorneys, and have read hundreds of similar accounts online. Unfortunately elder abuse is very common because nothing is clear cut.

1) It is highly probable that your mom already signed a new POA with your brother, which technically makes yours invalid. It is very easy to print the form, have the confused person sign and obtain notarized signatures. Done...new POA. Each of my siblings has a different POA naming him/her self as POA. Institutions don't know there are six POA's floating around, or which is the most recent. Which is the real one???? Not sure it matters because it could change again tomorrow. According to my Elder Attorney, there is no clear cut answer and it would be up to a judge to decide should someone pursue the matter in court.

2) POA does not take effect until the person is declared incompetent. Only a judge can deem a person incompetent, and it must be proven in court by medical professionals. My parents both have severe dementia and don't know which way is up. They have never been deemed legally incompetent and are still able to "make their own decisions," although their "decisions" are based solely on which child is influencing them at that particular moment.

3) Any adult who is 25, 55 or 105 who has not been deemed legally incompetent by a judge in a court of law can "do as they please" without anyone else's permission. It doesn't matter if the person has gray hair or can't remember their own name. If your mom willingly left town with your brother it is not considered an abduction, and if she added him or his wife to her bank account that is not a crime either and there is no crime for police to solve.

I have asked my attorney dozens of questions about who is the real POA, Couldn't it be easily proven that my parents were not of sound mind when they made certain decisions. etc. The answer is always the same: "It would be up to the judge."

That is how bad people take advantage of confused old people. Your best bet is to contact Adult Protective Services for advise. If they can get you in a room alone with your mom, and she says she wants to go home with you, your brother will have to comply. If they find she is being neglected or abused they can take action. If not, you need to hire an attorney to pursue legal guardianship and a judge will decide. If your brother has no money and has a criminal record he probably will not contest and you will not have to go through an expensive court battle. It would be worth an attorney just to file and see what happens.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
MaggieMarshall, you raise an interesting subject. What were you doing at the bank with your mom that required a POA? If your mom went to the bank and had not been declared legally incompetent, why would the bank disallow her to conduct her banking? My daughter is my POA, but until I am declared medically/legally incompetent I can to do as I please without her permission or the POA document (including adding other people's names onto my account). At what point did her bank decide that your mom needed a copy of her POA to conduct her banking?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Ikor, how right you are. I went to 5 banks with a POA for mom from '03. Only two banks would accept it -- and mom was with me. In Illinois, it appears it's six months old -- and banks? They HATE to accept them at all; at least that's the impression I got. As to it not being necessary to have someone declared incompetent in order to act as their agent, I completely agree. You're absolutely right. I saw that in a post above and cringed.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Feed the troll, it happens a lot here
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
A durable POA can be put in place to care for competent people who can not act on their own behalf because of medical concerns or disabilities. A person does not have to deemed in competent to excercise a POA. A POA is hard to get approved through financial systems when it is more than 3 months old. The best advise is to distibute POA to major financial institutions as soon as they are completed.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Ruff please google the meaning of "troll"
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Ashlynne...unfortunately there are a lot of trolls and this goes on every day. It's incredibly sad. However there is nothing for the authorities to do. POA has no power until mom has been declared legally incompetent...which requires a doctor and a judge....and is difficult to prove. The police can't go in and take mom away because they know the guy is a jerk and this all seems wrong. Unfortunately the system makes it tough to protect an elderly person without hiring an attorney and battling it out in court. It is no different than a child custody battle. (You cant just accuse your ex of abuse and expect the authorities to go snatch up the kids.) If there is obvious neglect APS may intervene temporarily. It is more difficult to prove abuse/neglect with adults who can "choose" to do what they want...even if they are confused. It all has to be proven in court, which can be lengthy and costly...just like divorce.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Ashlynne, thank you for posting what I also was thinking.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Your bother took your mother to New Mexico,,is a drug user, took over her bank account and put his wife's name on it, your mother is losing weight and going blind in one eye and the authorities won't help you?

She's been gone six months. If you're not allowed contact how do you know all this?

If you have POA an original copy should be/have been deposited with her bank so no-one else can touch anything.

With all due respect I smell a troll.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
I believe every word you're saying. Ive been there. It is very difficult to know who to turn to for help. This is not a criminal matter, it is a legal one and police cannot help you. This is not a kidnapping... if your mother was not declared legally incompetent she can go wherever she wants even if she totally confused and under your brother's influence. (My guess is that you could easily persuade her as well if you had the chance to talk to her.) The POA is ineffective until a person is declared LEGALLY incompetent. I would call Adult Protective Services and explain the situation...they may be able to direct you as to how to proceed. They will at least be required to perform an unannounced home investigation and take some action if your mom is being neglected. Unfortunately I have learned that justice comes at a high price; which seems very unfair. This is a legal matter and you need an attorney. It sounds as if your brother cannot afford one and would not look good in front of a judge, so simply being contacted by an attorney or filing for Guardianship may be enough to make him back down. At least meet with a lawyer to discuss options. Chances are he won't fight you and it will end there. Maybe APS has an attorney on board to offer suggestions.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Call protective services or senior abuse hotline say you are afraid for your mother that she was taken from her home against her will and has dementia. It doesn't matter if she was not diagnosed, just say it.

Your POA does mean something, how was your brother able to take her out of state? How do you know that his wife's name is on your mother's bank account? some people feel self-entitled.

Is your mothers legal address/home in your state? Petition the court with your POA on behalf of your mother and ask the court if you could be appointed the person to take care of her, she could have enough dementia, that everyday she thinks, she is on her second day there and may not be realizing, that her money is being spent,she is not returning home... or for that matter even in a good place!!!!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
I would add also that the FBI has jursidiction in cases of abduction across state lines.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Country Mouse raises some issues that need to be addressed, now, especially the question as to how you're getting the information you relayed about what your brother and his wife allegedly stated and/or did.

You also need to provide specific detail on why you got "nowhere" with your POA, and more specifically, why
"adult protective service, attorney's, police" can't seem to help you.

This just does not make sense. If all of these individually or collectively couldn't help, there are some facts that haven't been shared.

Frankly, there have been similar posts like this (including one by a poster named Memphis who claimed his aunt had kidnapped his mother and he also couldn't get help).

The stories just don't add up, in part because critical facts haven't been revealed, if there in fact are such facts.

Posters can't help with on point suggestions if some facts are being withheld. I'm not suggesting a point by point list, but we need to know why APS, attorneys and police haven't been able to help.

Something just doesn't add up here.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Sorry this is happening to you. A very similar thing happened to me. Have a well check and if there is a care giver coming to the house try to make contact. My brother had POA and moved my mother from her home to his town in another state. He controlled her money. Through the caregiver I found out she was very unhappy there and wanted to go back to her home state but because of her dementia couldn't figure out how. I went to visit her and in private an agent from Adult Protective Services empowered her and asked her what she wanted and where she wanted to live. He told her she could go on a "vacation" with me if she wanted to. Then my mom said "if I leave I will never come back". So when we were alone I took her back to our home and there was nothing my brother could do about it. She was free to go where ever she liked. That was four years ago. My heart goes out to you and I wish you all the best.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Adult Protective Services is a mandatory contact. Furthermore, if you have/had a durable POA, have you considered the possibility that your mother gave your brother a new one? If so, until a court declares your mother incompetent, she CAN DO THAT! A POA is not as strong as a conservatorship/guardianship. THAT cannot be revoked without a court order. Sorry you are losing this round...but an independent set of eyes, APS, can step in to protect your mother if she is being manipulated and exploited financially and medically neglected. If you want to request custody of her, and that is deemed appropriate, make sure you have your ducks in a row.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Lizann, that's a GREAT idea. In our area, the police will do what they call "a wellness check". I've never had them say no...when mom was living at home. They go and actually talk to the person you're calling about. If this guy's selling/using drugs, the LAST thing he's going to want is a visit from the cops.

I think, though, that the poster should carefully consider any interference with this guy since drug users/sellers/whatever are unpredictable. She mentions retaliation. That may not be an idle threat.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
I would contact the police and have someone make a mental and physical check on your mother. I have sympathy for your mother if her son is a drug user and after what few financial assets she has. It shows that if you raise less than stellar children you never get any relief. Very sad.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Your post raises quite a number of questions.

How did it come about that your brother removed your mother to New Mexico? Where was she living? Where were you when this happened?

If you are isolated from her mother, how are you obtaining information about her state of health?

If this is such a clear-cut case of abduction of a vulnerable elderly person by a methadone user, how did the police and APS explain their inability to act?

You say there is a great deal more to this story. Indeed. Could you explain a little more, please?
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
Have you called APS in both areas where your mom was and where your brother is located and requested a wellness check? If the wellness check turns up neglect or abuse they will remove your mom. As a POA were you on your moms accounts acting as POA prior to her departure? Most banks require a new POA if it is less than 90 days old. Is your Mom seeing a doctor? She has to be on medication that she would need to get from a doctor, if you are medical POA contact her doctor and make them aware of the issue. A doctor could help to document her decline. I would push it from a medial neglect approach more than financial. If she is truly in physical medical danger the authorities will likely step in. If the appears competent to made decisions, reasonably healthy and says she us happy it will be harder to use the legal system alone. If you have a medical reason for your concerns with a medical professional making the. calls to the police or ADP you will get further. My experience is using medical and legal system together usually will help to get a professional guardian involved paid for by the state if your mom is not able to make her own choices and there is medical neglect.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
It sounds as though you've done what you can. My advice is the Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

I'm sorry I don't have a to-do list for you so that you can get your mom back, but I don't. Sometimes, the very best thing we can do is to recognize we don't have the power to do anything at all.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter