My mom has dementia. Her husband is currently her caregiver, but my sibling and I would prefer her to move away. They live in a remote city away from any family. They own a 2nd property that my stepdad is trying to sell, and only my Mom is on the Deed. I have a Durable POA and would like the money from the sale of that property to go into an account for my mom's future caretaking. I believe our stepdad is trying to sell this property to boost his finances instead of going towards our Mom's well-being. Before reaching out to family law, and paying money we don't have for a consultation:
Do I have any ability to prevent my stepdad from selling the property?
My mom signed me as her POA years ago because she was worried that he may do something like this.
I appreciate any advice or response.
In the case of a question about medical it is important to see MD; Financial, see an accountant; and in the case of important legal questions, about which you cannot afford to be wrong, it is important to see and attorney.
Good luck. Hope you will update us about what the law says in your state.
Time to pay a visit to the attorney who helped with the POA and provide the info on the deed to him and ask that he inform husband that funds from sale will be going to wife’s account.
If they live in a community property state he may have a claim if income during the marriage was used for it, but he can’t sign to sell it on his own.
Your major problem is that he is providing care. This gives him easy access to getting her signature since she may be cooperative. The buyer has no way of telling that she may not be competent. You also need a plan for what to do about getting care if he resents any interference and discontinues care.
I had VERY GOOD LUCK in a difficult situation, by using a lawyer to establish “guidelines” concerning my LO’s affairs.
On a second note if your mother does not have a will or if possibly there is an outdated one it might be best to have a new one drawn up that specifically deals with the second property. I realize this all costs money but in the long run it may be money well spent. Perhaps the second property could be sold as she ages with the will stating all of this. You should be entitled to have theses costs paid for as has been mentioned. It is important to know the rules of the state that the second property is in also assuming it is in the state she already resides in. Hope you find a solution.
What is your rationale for this belief? I'm not challenging it, but it seems a lot is based on this supposition. What proof or evidence do you have on which to base your suspicions?
I wouldn't reach out to a family lawyer; you need someone specifically in the Estate Planning practice area, preferably in a firm which also has a Litigation practice area or EP attorneys whose practice also includes litigation, just in case the situation reaches that point.
A one person law firm isn't recommended. A firm with multiple practice areas can work together, relying on someone with expertise not only in the EP area but EP based litigation.
You could start your attorney search either with the State bar or local bar, searching for medium (say, less than 50 - 75 attorneys), to the very large practice areas (100 + attorneys). Check out the practice areas and credentials of the attorneys; they're typically listed on their web site.
In the meantime, gather your EP data for your mother, include a conformed copy of everything if you have it, and prepare a list of statements as well as questions to ask. Fees, likely hourly, would also be a subject about which to inquire.
You might want to add your profile the state in which you live and that in which your mother lives. You could locate a firm in your state, which would work with a firm in your mother's state. That gives you the opportunity to meet and provide documents, which the firm can review while it contacts a firm with which it's familiar in another state.
Conference calls also could be a part of the two firms' interaction, if difficulties or other issues arise. The firm in your mother's state could also be invaluable if your stepfather continues his apparent attempts to sell the house, and if injunctive relief is necessary to restrain him from attempting to dispose of the property.
I wish you luck and success in protecting your mother.
That kind of gives a little more background on the toxicity. When my Mom got married to him, over twenty years ago, he moved in with my Mom and struggled to hold jobs over the next 20 years. For about half of those years (a few now include being retired) he was unemployed for various reasons. He convinced my Mom to move away from us about a decade ago so he could go work and continue a career that he had previously worked. If he worked x amount of years, he would get a substantially better retirement package. She agreed and sold her home and they used the money from her house to purchase property in their new location.
A few years later, Mom suffered a stroke, and stepdad didn't really believe Mom. She moved away from him and back closer to us. This lasted for about 6 months and she eventually gave in to his apologies and begged her to come back. During this time, while here, is when she assigned me POA.
Over the years Mom had told me she would leave if she could, but she didn't have any money to do so. I have since been added to her bank accounts and they are basically empty. I don't have any visibility of his finances, but he has often told me how much of a struggle he is having because of this and that.
He basically has zero communication with my sibling and I now, because all he does is get angry at us. If we don't give in to his ideas or demands then we are no good to him.
We offered to move Mom in with my sibling. He would no longer be burdened with being a full-time caretaker, he could stay in the home they live in, and that we would like to sell the 2nd property and put that money into a fund for future care needs for Mom. He threatened to just divorce our Mom and leave her with nothing at one point. The last time I spoke with him, was in person and I brought this up again, and he told me all she could have is she could stay on his insurance plan and she could have her social security & nothing else, and that he had to look out for his own financial well being.
Ten Legal Tips for Caregivers from the ABA Commission on Law & Aging
https://www.americanbar.org/content/dam/aba/administrative/law_aging/caregiving_ten_tips.authcheckdam.pdf
Time for a trip for you and mom to have quality time together. This is a great time to see that attorney.
I would also record every phone call with both of them.
See All Answers