I received a phone call late one night this past December from my mother's attending physician in the hospital informing me that my mother would not make it through the night; and that the family may want to be by her side. I and the rest of my family immediately rushed to the hospital to be by her side and found her in a vegetable state with a breathing tube and her eyes wide opened and not blinking. I had asked the attending nurse if our mother would be able to hear us if we spoke to her, and her immediate reply was "yes, of course." No one was able to tell us why her eyes were wide opened and she was not blinking. The family is starting to suspect that our mother was not with us all of the time while we were all there being that there was no sign of body movement whatsoever when we spoke to her and she was cold to the touch, and due to the fact that as soon as we leave the hospital, we receive a telephone call that our mother had passed away at 5:19 AM that same morning. Can anyone please make any sense out of all of this? Thanking you kindly from the bottom of our hearts!
Sincerely,
Mbon2023
I am a retired RN and have witnessed countless deaths. It is a mystery and remains so. The medical community believes they do hear. I can tell you if they do hear, they are entirely uninterested in trying to reply. Their eyes are often open but what they are seeing I cannot guess. The eyes may no longer be completing the loop it takes to register site. They often need eye drops at the end as they are so unblinking.
In ancient times a peaceful end was sometimes said to be "He/she turned his/her face to the wall" meaning they stopped responding to people.
They are leaving. Going elsewhere. Some few told me they see long lost relatives and want to go to them. I don't know if that is faith or what.
To me it is much like this:
Remember when you were a child returning home from grandmas and in the back seat of the car? Tired you were lulling to sleep listening to the muffled voices of your parents in front seat? Perfectly at peace. There still, but not really? Between sleep and awake? I think that's where they are. They are on a journey and are leaving us, without interest in us. I believe at best, and without pain, this is our last "journey of a lifetime" and I think it is a good experience. Being with the dying has taught me not to fear dying at all. I do fear pain. But I don't fear dying.
Thank you for writing it.
My deepest sympathies to you and your family.
I am not a medical professional so I turned to Google for some help. This article -- https://www.lovetoknow.com/life/grief-loss/why-do-some-peoples-eyes-open-before-death; and these answers to a similar question on this forum -- https://www.agingcare.com/questions/eyes-open-before-death-does-anyone-know-if-when-someones-eyes-open-like-this-471436.htm -- may offer some insights.
May peace be with you as you grieve.
Pick up a copy of Dr. Eben Alexander's Proof of Heaven to begin your journey to learn about what happens after death. Here is a link to the neurosurgeons book on Amazon:
https://a.co/d/85u7ypq
My condolences on your loss, I know how difficult it is to lose our parents. Try not to remember mom in those moments, but during times when she was happy and laughing. When a negative thought pops into your head, replace it with 3 positive thoughts.
Best wishes to you.
When there is less muscle control or none at all the eyes will be open. (Kinda freaky but that is why sometimes eyes are taped shut when a person is under anesthesia, no muscle control so the eyes will remain open unless taped.)
This is also why no blinking...it takes muscles to blink.
Being cold to the touch would be common as well.
The body begins to "protect" vital organs so blood flow to the extremities is diverted to the "important" things like the brain.
This is one reason "older" people are often cold. Blood flow to the core, brain is more important than blood flow to hands, feet, legs, arms.
the nurse was right that your mom could hear you.
I am surprised that she was unable to give you a good explanation as to the process your mom was going through.
I am sorry for your loss.
**side note if you want some great explanations on the process check out Hospice Nurse Julie she is pretty strait forward on the process and what our bodies go through. She is on FB and YouTube
I'm so sorry for your loss. May you receive comfort and peace in your hearts as you grieve.