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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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Call one of them and put mom on the phone. The phone works both ways. I knew someone who was angry the step daughter never called her husband. I told her the phone worked both ways and she said it didn’t it was the responsibility of the “ child” to call. I told her if that is how she felt she would be very disappointed.
Anytime I hear someone complain that they have not heard from their son, daughter, grandchildren, old friend etc., I ask when did you last call them?
If you Mum wants to talk to the grandkids, she needs to call them.
And I guarantee that if she starts off with "I never hear from you..." "You never call me..." or something else along those lines, they will be far less likely to call.
Also a lack of calling does not equate a lack of caring.
My mother has never been one to call and 'check' on us kids. She always just let the relationships be 'one sided' and if you didn't call or see her for a year, she probably didn't even NOTICE if you weren't one of her 'chosen ones' (which I'm not).
One year I tried something. After Christmas Day at their house (dad was still living, this was 30 years ago) I decided to see how long it would take for HER to contact ME. Just ran out the year, doing my mom things and she finally called ME the day before Thanksgiving--so close to a year.
I learned then, that I was not one of the kids on the radar and try as I did-I did get drawn back in--after all, she is my mother and dad was beginning the long slow slide of Parkinson's and I would NOT abandon him.
Mother doesn't do the phone well---she can't follow conversations and it just gets so frustrating, she has a cheap cell phone and it's practically unusable. Every few months, if I feel like it, I send out a mass email to all the family and remind them that if they haven't called or visited mom in a few months, they may want to think about doing so.
They either do or don't. I don't care.
Having said 'I don't care' I need to follow that with the statement that it took YEARS for me to get to the point where I don't care. An 8 month long battle with cancer last year and not ONE phone call nor card from her made me realize I am NOT on her radar and if being near to dying doesn't ring a bell in her mind, then nothing would. This after YEARS of 2-3 times a week of going to caregive/clean for her.
I am in remission and doing 2 years of FU treatment. Does she know? IDK. Does she care? No.
In my experience, you can't. Here's what I do: I send photos of my mom to my brother, sons and one of my grandsons, with little notes about something she said or did. Positive and/or funny. I wait. One of the four will usually respond. Usually the same one, my youngest son. He will stop in to see her within a day or two. The other three thank me for the photo. They can't call because my mom has forgotten how to use the phone without help. If there is a money issue, my brother will respond to me, but not visit our mom. I gave up completely asking them to visit her. The one who does was for a while afraid she wouldn't recognize him, but he's getting over that. I suggested the grandson take photos of his great grandmother for his photo contest, which he did, enjoyed it, and won a prize for his photo. But he hasn't been back to see her since then and now can't with the shut down.
I suggest you stay in touch with your siblings and their kids so you can report to your mom how they are and what they are doing. Ask for photos that you can show her. Tell them her response. People don't like being told what to do, but if you let them in on her happenings and stay positive, they may come around.
This is exactly what I do. Mom can't use the phone or computer, so I stay in contact with siblings and keep her updated. I try to arrange visits for them to see her, too
I too, want to hear from my children and grandchildren. We learned that while they needed financial help, babysitter, transportation etc. we were always called.
Now, that the grandchildren are grown - moved on - busy with their lives we don't hear from anyone. They prefer text, but don't always read. They lie and don't realize we know the truth.
We love them, we acknowledge that the world is changing. We won't stop loving them but we are weary of rejection. We accept that they have lives of their own and one day we pray that they will keep in touch with their children and grandchildren. Acceptance of what is - is hard - but if you don't expect anything you certainly won't get disappointed.
Our daughter went through a seven year phase of "no communication" but when I let her know in the 8th year we were not going to try anymore and we respect her choice - she didn't know what to do. Now, she calls off and on - the boys they just ignore all.
Now, if we hear from them we are happy - but content - by the time we leave this world we hope our example of living will put a smile on their face.
Thankyou everyone for your answers. It seems there is alot of sadness/ different points of view both from both the parent and children/grandchildren. I think I will just concentrate on my relationship with my Mother. If she is upset I will just listen so she can vent/ let her feelings out. I will try to spend as much time with Mum as I can.... I understand I’m not enough for her but I’ve just got to accept it, not get upset for her and feel disappointed with the family.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Anytime I hear someone complain that they have not heard from their son, daughter, grandchildren, old friend etc., I ask when did you last call them?
If you Mum wants to talk to the grandkids, she needs to call them.
And I guarantee that if she starts off with "I never hear from you..." "You never call me..." or something else along those lines, they will be far less likely to call.
Also a lack of calling does not equate a lack of caring.
One year I tried something. After Christmas Day at their house (dad was still living, this was 30 years ago) I decided to see how long it would take for HER to contact ME. Just ran out the year, doing my mom things and she finally called ME the day before Thanksgiving--so close to a year.
I learned then, that I was not one of the kids on the radar and try as I did-I did get drawn back in--after all, she is my mother and dad was beginning the long slow slide of Parkinson's and I would NOT abandon him.
Mother doesn't do the phone well---she can't follow conversations and it just gets so frustrating, she has a cheap cell phone and it's practically unusable. Every few months, if I feel like it, I send out a mass email to all the family and remind them that if they haven't called or visited mom in a few months, they may want to think about doing so.
They either do or don't. I don't care.
Having said 'I don't care' I need to follow that with the statement that it took YEARS for me to get to the point where I don't care. An 8 month long battle with cancer last year and not ONE phone call nor card from her made me realize I am NOT on her radar and if being near to dying doesn't ring a bell in her mind, then nothing would. This after YEARS of 2-3 times a week of going to caregive/clean for her.
I am in remission and doing 2 years of FU treatment. Does she know? IDK. Does she care? No.
It’s complicated. All I know is that I will not live my life in turmoil and stress anymore.
I have very little contact with my mom at this time. Not because I am heartless but because it isn’t a pleasant situation.
So, I limit calls. I also keep them very brief.
I suggest you stay in touch with your siblings and their kids so you can report to your mom how they are and what they are doing. Ask for photos that you can show her. Tell them her response. People don't like being told what to do, but if you let them in on her happenings and stay positive, they may come around.
Now, that the grandchildren are grown - moved on - busy with their lives we don't hear from anyone. They prefer text, but don't always read. They lie and don't realize we know the truth.
We love them, we acknowledge that the world is changing. We won't stop loving them but we are weary of rejection. We accept that they have lives of their own and one day we pray that they will keep in touch with their children and grandchildren. Acceptance of what is - is hard - but if you don't expect anything you certainly won't get disappointed.
Our daughter went through a seven year phase of "no communication" but when I let her know in the 8th year we were not going to try anymore and we respect her choice - she didn't know what to do. Now, she calls off and on - the boys they just ignore all.
Now, if we hear from them we are happy - but content - by the time we leave this world we hope our example of living will put a smile on their face.