My sister-in-law recently went to a local business and lost her keys again! She called my husband, and wanted him to come to the business and find them for her. She said that she was still there.
When they arrived, they found the keys, but no sister-in-law! After much searching, they found her next door at a Mexican Restaurant.
Just a few days ago, she was having eye problems. She had to put drops into her eyes and that made her vision very blurry. She should not have been driving and my husband told her not to drive! But she did! She drove to Walmart and could barely see to get home. It was just by the grace of God that she did!
If we were to talk about her having a loss of memory or anything like that, she gets VERY upset and anxious! What are we to do? Or I should say, what is my husband, her POA to do about it?
This is another occasion where we throw the doctor under the bus. You can have him/her talk to your SIL We’ve also advised to tell the person the car “needs to go in for repairs”, and it never comes back.
If you do this, make sure she has access to other ways of getting out, either you or research a Community Transport van.
This is a profound change in her life, so DO give her assurances that you will gladly help her get places (by engaging relatives, her friends, neighbors and services -- but NOT Uber or Lyft or taxis since she has some dementia). When you eliminate the need for her to drive herself, giving it up is a lot easier. Also, she will enjoy the company that comes with having a chauffeur.
I did this with my dad when it was time for him to give up driving and he was fighting me at every turn. He had a doctor's appointment coming up and I suggested to my dad that we talk to the doctor about the driving. My dad had much respect for this doctor. Prior to the appointment I called the doctor's office and spoke with a nurse. I told her the situation with the driving and that I would like the doctor to advise my dad to give up driving.
To be extra sure of the plan, the day of the appointment I wrote a brief note to the doctor and gave it to the nurse as we were being shown to the office. The visit went fine and the issue about driving came about organically. The doctor advised my dad to give up driving and while we discussed it for just a few minutes my dad accepted his doctor's advice and he never drove again. I wasn't the bad guy and my dad gave his practically-new car to my then-teenage daughter. I drove my dad wherever he wanted to go and it all turned out OK.