My dad was diagnosed with dementia and has seemed to progress rapidly. Lately I believe it’s too much. I don’t know whether to hire sitters for him or if putting him in a memory care facility is what should be done. What all do sitters do? Versus a memory care facility?
How is it the business of a care facility how a family pays a private caregiver?
The caregiver or sitter a family hires privately is not an employee of the care facility.
It's none of their business how that person gets paid, how much they get paid, or if they get paid at all.
My MIL has 2 caregivers that stay with her 24/7 (they alternate days) since she wants to stay where she lives in Hawaii and that is how my BIL has arranged her care. They do everything for her. She has advanced Alzheimer's disease. A memory care facility in Hawaii could do the same thing in their facility, but she would have to share caregivers, deal with others' issues, and probably be more confused. If funds ran out, then she would need to go to a facility that accepts Medicare and Medicaid. Those are not is the nicer parts of town in Hawaii. So, she is better served with her 3 caregivers.
If you can find sitters that are qualified to do "everything," are trustworthy, and reliable... they are worth their weight in gold. I would probably go with an agency that has a policy of providing back-up sitters if the regular sitters can not come.
If your father's dementia is progressing fast, I think your best bet is to find a memory care facility to place him in.
Sitters can be unreliable. What happens if they don't show up? What's the back-up plan? Say you hire one, they work a couple days. Then they tell you that the position isn't right for them and they quit? What then? I've left many caregiving positions after only a couple of weeks and some even less when I knew I was not a good fit for a client.
There's pros and cons to both, but if his dementia is worsening fast, put him in memory care.
1. Is dad able to wander outside of the house at night while you all are sleeping? If so, he may just do that, get lost and then you'll have to call the police to find him. Install locks high up on the doors to the outside that he can't reach.
2. Is dad able to turn on the stove while wandering at night? Does he have access to chemicals under the sink that he can hurt himself with? Knobs need to come off the stove; chemicals need to be locked up.
3. Wandering around alone at night in a home is a dangerous event for an elder with dementia. He's further along than you realize. You saying it's 'too much' is accurate; you are out of your realm of experience, not just emotionally, but medically speaking.
4. Hiring in home help will not address the wandering at night issue unless you hire overnight caregivers. Do you plan to do that? Your mother cannot physically stay up all night to look after dad while he wanders. #Truth
5. Exposing your teenage son to this type of behavior from his grandfather all the time can have a negative effect on him which means he can wind up acting out, getting poor grades in school, leaving home sooner rather than later, doing things he shouldn't be doing in an effort to escape his traumatic home life. You need to take that into consideration b/c your prime focus needs to be your son, not your dad.
6. As dad's dementia continues to progress, everyone will have to consider Memory Care if/when the danger becomes too great at home.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (which is a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
She also has published a workbook entitled, “It Isn’t Common Sense: Interacting with People Who Have Memory Loss Due to Dementia.”
https://www.amazon.com/Isnt-Common-Sense-Interacting-Dementia/dp/1481995995/ref=sr_1_4?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468655&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-4
Learn all you can about what dementia is all about and how it affects the WHOLE FAMILY.
Wishing you the best of luck getting dad the help he needs. Sending you a hug and a prayer for peace.
Put a lock on the outside of his bedroom door and lock him in at night so there's no wandering.
Have the doctor prescribe a sleeping medication or a hypnotic to keep him from getting agitated or wandering.
You didn't cause Dad's Dementia or Mom's aging issues. You can't cure these issues either.
You CAN however be a comfort & help arrange the care they need.
As a side issue, your son is watching - how you support your folks, but also care for him & yourself too!
Sometimes I felt I took my eyes of my teens while helping other family members.. 😔 Although very independent - they still really needed me.
Good luck with your decision.. I am wondering if you could try sitters (as plan A) then MC (as plan B) if/when needed?
You don't want a "sitter" for dad if he stays home, but a caregiver who's versed in dementia care. Someone who can help bathe him, stimulate him with simple games as they do in Memory Care Assisted Living, and take him for walks, etc. You don't want to pay someone to sit there on her phone and babysit the man! Dementia is a complicated condition and it's important to find a person who is familiar with it to help your folks. Someone who can help mom cook, prep meals and even run errands and clean would likely be helpful for both of your parents.
Good luck to you and your parents.
If the father is aggessive and abusive, it's not likely they will stick around.
There are Adult Day programs. Less expensive than hiring a sitter and a lot less expensive than Memory Care. Most pick up in the am and drop off in the pm. Provide breakfast and lunch and a snack.
As to the "sitters" it depends on what they have to do. Are they just sitting to make sure he does not wander off, playing some games or keeping him busy? Are they changing his briefs(aka "diaper)? At that point I think you are looking at "Caregiver" not just a "sitter"
How is your mom at "controlling or redirecting" dad? If he wanted to change a lightbulb would he go get a ladder and try changing the bulb? Could mom stop him? If he wanted to drive into town could mom stop him? If dad is doing things that are unsafe it might be time to look into Memory Care.
As you have seen some progression is rapid and it may not be safe at home. Are there stairs? Wide halls, wide doors? Large bathroom that more than 2 people can be in at a time with a walker or wheelchair?
Are either of them aware enough that you can discuss these potential problems with them now?