Lived at home all my life and have taken care of my mother everyday for the last 8 years when she started to show decline. She is still alive and walks and talks but is showing signs of dementia at 97. I will get 2/3 of the house and my brother 1/3. We don’t get along and I am afraid of him. He is aggressive and controlling. His girlfriend is even worse and I need a lawyer to discuss how I can figure out how to keep his girlfriend from coming to stay at the house like a snow bird in the Florida winter months. They are trying to make this a winter home so they can brag to their friends up north. They have their own home in Connecticut and a cabin in Maine and have plenty of money. I have no money because I have been ill my whole life and most of the money I saved went to medical bills until I got on disability. My mom is declining fast and I don’t know how much longe she will live. I am afraid of what’ might happen when my mom passes. We are extremely close but when my brother comes , she turns into dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde and I feel like SHE and my brother will harm me. I need to find a lawyer soon to see what my rights are. Please help. Thank you. My sister said I can have her 1/3rd of the house so that I never have to worry about not having somewhere to live. She is helpful but she has her own issues and life and doesn’t know what else to do. I was thinking of taking out a restraining order against the girlfriend but I don’t know if that’s something that could be done.
When the time comes, sell the house, divide the proceeds according to your mother's instructions, and then you need never again have anything to do with your brother or his girlfriend unless you want to. Registered as a person with disabilities, too, you should be entitled to good advice and support that will help you set up independently and start a whole new chapter in your life - totally brother-free.
Seriously, don't waste your time and energy on a campaign that can't succeed for you.
Have the two of them just recently been getting on your nerves or something?
My sister is giving me her third of the house so that I will own the majority of it and she set it up in the will that she is giving it to me so I have a place to live for the rest of my life. But for now, I guess that if nothing changes, my brother can come stay here for 1/3rd if the year? Or maybe when ever he wants? I think I would be ok with just him, but to have him AND his girlfriend is too much. She has no manners and is extremely condescending and insults me AND my mom when ever she was here. She has no compassion and is greedy and glutinous as they come. For me, I just need courtesy and a little peace and quiet. When she comes here, she acts like SHE is the owner of the house and that “I” the caretaker Who does everything , is just a guest. She even told my brother that she refuses to be respectful to me. It’s weird. But I guess I understand because she can’t posdibly know my disabilities and challenges and expects me to conduct my life like a super healthy person with no health challenges. So it’s very difficult to be around her. She is not considerate at all and acts like what’s mine is hers and she can do what she wants with what’s mine. The only thing I don’t pay for is rent, but as any care giver will tell you, I earn my keep times 1000! The fact that she told my brother that she refuses to be respectful towards me and treat me like a normal person, tells me a lot about what kind of person she is. And it doesn’t make sense because I have always been kind and polite and probably TOO nice to her. I’ve always treated her the way anyone would want to be treated. It so sad to me because although my brother and I don’t get along, i always prayed that as we got older , he would meet a nice girl that would make him a better person. Unfortunately she has corrupted him and made him worse. I loved ever other girlfriend he ever had and am still friends with almost every one of them. I just can’t figure out why she would treat me so bad except that if my brother told her things about me that are not true or made me look like I was lying about all my health challenges. By the way, I’m attractive and most people would not know that I have any. But just like people with MS OR OTHER DISEASES, sometimes you can’t see what is wrong from the way a person looks. She obviously is extremely judgmental. I wish so much it was different.
But there is still the fact that my brother becomes very aggressive and I’m afraid to be around him when by myself.
Also call police if he threatens you. Any aggression should be on the record.
Try to see if you can qualify for a low cost attorney due to your disabilities.
Go to the Senior Center in your town. They will have elder attorneys who works for much less than a regular lawyer. Since you are living with your mom, you could qualify using them.
In either case, you need to look carefully at what terms in what document give you a right to occupy the property for life. If you do indeed have that right, then you probably also have the right to exclude other people. If you're assuming you will have that right because you own the majority share, or at least you own one third and your sister isn't arguing and together you have the majority share, then you will need to be careful. For example, you will need to make sure that your brother cannot, under the terms of the will or any other relevant instrument, force the sale of the house unless you are able to buy his share from him.
I am not aware of any legal remedy that can force one person to be polite and respectful to another person in a private home. You can't just despise this woman on your own initiative?
I am not sure you can call the shots on your mother’s home as the will is not enforceable yet. Mother is still alive and well. All 3 siblings are to inherit a third but nothing is in writing yet, sounds like. Has your sister legally waived her third to you? I don’t think she can transfer something that isn’t yet hers to waive.
Brother is not going away - in addition you may have to buy him out even with your sister giving you her third. He still has non disputed rights to your (mother’s) home. Plus your mother can live several more years. As for his girlfriend you may have to work through your dislike of her as well. Good thing they’re not married! If she has been with your brother along time chances are so will she.
Now, once Mom starts to run out of money, she may need to apply for Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] which will pay for your Mom's room, board, and care. In return, since Mom has a house, Medicaid could place a lien on the house so that they can be reimbursed. Since your Mom is 97, selling the house would require that ALL the equity be used for her care. Medicaid has a 5 year look back on a person's finances.
Unless Mom can still live at home and pay for professional caregivers to come in to give you a break in her care.
Getting older can be so darn complicated :(
My parents set up a very similar will though I practically begged them not to. Today, my father is still living and upon his death I will be tasked with dividing everything be thirds. Not a task I look forward to as I also have uncooperative brothers.
If be more concerned about your ability to pay your own bills both now & in the future. It sounds like it is mom’s income that is keeping the household totally afloat. Is that right? That house has all sorts of costs which if you can’t afford now totally on your own then it doesn’t matter if you got your 1/3 and your Sisters 1/3 and even your brothers 1/3 after mom’s death as it will go up for tax sale. And you will be homeless. There is little recourse when a property is sold at tax sale.....sheriff dept evicts and puts up a Notice and contents thrown onto street.
It sounds like you could have a special needs Trust done for you and that you possibly could be considered a dependent of your mom’s.
What might be best is for mom to sell her home and use the proceeds to set up the majority of the house sale $ into the SNT for you (should she apply for Medicaid a SNT for a qualified child is ok). And you & mom rent an apt geared towards seniors. When she dies you have the SNT to live on till you are able to qualify for Medicare and regular SS as you are still pretty young at 54.
If you basically have no work history or fica quarters, you might be able to get onto mom’s SS as a disabled qualified dependent. This is speciality SS benefits type of work to figure out. I’d suggest you find an atty that does SS disability cases as the legal starting point to come up with a plan for your & your mom’s future.
Red flag alert! Omg NO, No on seeking free legal aid imo!!!
I’d avoid free legal aid totally cause when a site visit is done they are going to likely have to do a immediate referral to APS as the situation looks totally sketch. Mid50’s non working MS disabled female caring for 97 yr old elder with dementia..... it’s not a good visual. If house looks unsafe, medications scattered, Sugar boo goes on even a bit of a rant about the out of state brother & his supposed witch girlfriend, APS is gonna pull someone out of the home. Like mom into the hospital for observation at a minimum. It then becomes a real clusterF. It doesn’t have to look all Grey Gardens for APS to yank mom out, they’d do an observation stay just as an abundance of caution. APS knows Mom has Medicare so a ER/hospital run totally covered.
To me, Sugar Boo needs to find a disability rights atty that is her atty to come up with a workable plan for her future that also can work for her mom. Not free legal aid clinic.
You won't be able to deny his right to 1/3... NOT 1/3 time living there...1/3 of the value of the house.
I would realize that fighting him with court and lawyers will leave you both bankrupt AND homeless.
You may want to reconsider the idea of staying in the house. Maintaining a house is expensive. Property taxes, homeowner's insurance, big repairs like replacing an old roof, everyday things like plumbing problems, etc. Just in the last 12 months at my dad's house he had to replace the water heater and garage door. In a year or so we will need to redo the roof and gutters. And on and on.