Looking for advice, I'm trying to keep my own stress levels down bc I have high BP and panic disorder. My 63 yr old father has a major drinking problem. He foolishly moved my grandmother out of her apt she had lived nearly ten years. It was a 55+ community where she had friends, sense of community, a store literally steps away and emergency services at the push of a button. Now, they are in a condo that absolutely sucks and she's very isolated and sad. She just lost her son who was my dad's twin and about a year or so ago she started exhibiting signs of dementia. Her mental state has really declined. She should be on a facility or have an aide that can come by. I try to help him but bc of issues we've had in the past I struggle to stay there even five min. My heart races, I sweat, feel nauseated and want to flee. He will do things like call me at the last min to give her a shower or fix her tv bc she messed it up. Usually I do give her a shower but I won't stop what I'm doing to do the tv he really wants someone to watch her so he can do his thing. Idk this post is looking for advice as well as venting. I'm 37 I have a 19 year old son and in between jobs and my mental health has been an issue w panic disorder. There's no way I can take care of her and I'm angry w my dad for thinking it was even ok to remove her from where she was...
You could try to file for Guardianship for your Grandma. At least if you are her Guardian she will be safe(r). At that point you can move her to a Memory Care facility that will be able to care for her 24/7 as she declines.
I suppose at some point you will also have to deal with your father as well and finding care for him as well. (get one thing taken care of first)
If grandma is exhibiting signs of dementia, she would no longer fare well in an independent living apartment and would do much better in Assisted Living with a Memory Care annex IF she has the money to private pay. You could always suggest that arrangement to your father over the phone if you think he'd be amenable to such a thing. Otherwise, your hands are tied really b/c this is his mother you're dealing with and he probably has POA for her.
Come here to vent anytime, and/or to ask for advice. Many people are in the same boat you're in so you're bound to get some counsel from people you can relate to.
Wishing you the best of luck with a tough situation.