I don’t want to have anything to do with her. We try to do the right thing and care for her. She’s been in my life for 42 years and I’ve seen her in action (throwing food, slamming doors, hanging up) but have always forgiven her for her beastly behavior.......but the last straw was when we tried to take her out for her 92nd birthday and she was out of her mind on drugs. We drove 30 minutes to the restaurant and realized how high she was and turned around and took her home. Of course, she went ballistic and has turned this around and we are made out to be the villains. The thought of her being with us on Christmas fills me with anxiety. She is really going to go ballistic when she finds out she’s not included in our plans. Any ideas? It does hurt me that we have been so kind to her and have helped her with any request and she just throws us under the bus. My husband put her Christmas tree up, outside lights and a beautiful wreath on the door and not once did he hear a thank you.......such a toxic woman. She does not have Alzheimer’s. She is very sharp remembering prescription orders, Dr. appts, and whatever she wants to remember, but acts so stupid when she is trying to manipulate us to do her bidding. At her last hair appointment, the stylist cut her hair a little shorter than usual. She called me at home later that evening and also called my husband at work that night because she was “scared” because her hair was so short. Unbelievable!!
You can’t change her. You need to change yourself. If you stand directly in front of someone who’s swinging a baseball bat around, chances are you’re going to get hit. So stand aside. If she’s an addict, speak with her doctor. My mother was on an anti-diarrheal medication that was an opiate. She was hooked on that to the point it affected her entire gastric system. Stand back. Enjoy your family and celebrations without her.
This is why I will NEVER judge someone who is caring for another-ever. If you're not in it, you have no idea what's happening or going on.
My Dad aged gracefully and was happy with whatever was going on around him, he kept his sense of humor, his caregivers loved him :)
My Mom was the total opposite, didn't like any caregivers, refused to move from a house with a lot of stairs [she was in her late 90's], and wanted everything her way. I believe the physical issues made her resent aging, she had lost most of her hearing and much of her eyesight. I don't think I would be a happy camper, either, if that was me. I had to remind myself to step into her shoes to understand what she was going through.
As for the short hair cut.... how many of us here ever had that situation happen to us? I did back when I was in my 30's, had my long hair cut into a Dorothy Hamill haircut and was shocked afterwards, I was afraid to go to work the next day :P
What you are going through is not easy. I found the best advice I got from caregivers was to have a sense of humor as that is how professional caregivers handle a person such as your Mom.
Maybe late, but be honest. You and husband have made plans this Christmas. Sorry, but you can't include her. When she rants, be honest that you want to enjoy the holiday and you can't if she is included since previous Xmases have not gone well.