My FIL is a Korean war veteran. He is 91 and of mostly sound mind. My MIL, his wife, is 86 and has early/moderate dementia that was worsened by a recent osteomyelitis surgery and some time in the ICU from a bout of COVID that she got in the hospital. He was released today from the SNF after an UTI. He is paying out of pocket for 3 days a week, 4 hours each of those three days. He was told by one hospital social worker that he could be reimbursed by the Veterans up to about $2,000 for care. (Everyone is telling him that they need more than the 12 hours a week, especially with his just getting out of the hospital.) A different social worker told him that he would not get any reimbursement until he had used up all of his income. He wants to maintain his quality of life, but is that just not possible? He won't take any money from us.
If it is difficult to get one ask to talk to a Patient Advocate.
You could also call your local Veterans Assistance Commission and they can tell you what he would qualify for and get all the paperwork started and put you in contact with the people that would help.
The call to the Veterans Assistance Commission and the VA and the help that either would give you would be free.
There are other ways to get the same information but you will pay for the help that you get. (many Elder Care Attorney's will do the research and get paperwork done but they will charge) The Social Worker at the rehab might also have information or contacts that would help again the help may or may not be free.
https://www.agingcare.com/topics/138/veterans-benefits/articles?
This is another useful site:
https://www.payingforseniorcare.com/find-veterans-pension-planner
Unless you are talking to a Social Worker who is very familiar with VA benefits, you may not be getting accurate information. The rules have recently changed.
Have you called the VA or spoken to your local VFW advocate?
I think the one SW was talking about in home Medicaid. Their criteria maybe that you need to spend the assets you have before you can apply to them. But remember, you have MIL. 50% of those assets are hers. Medicaid allows for splitting if assets for their care so one is not left with nothing.
Does FIL have a Medicare Advantage? Some are advertising they help pay for aides. Straight Medicare doesn't.
Looks to me that your in laws need more care than u can possibly give. Your FIL will not be able to care for her.