my mom has dementia but other than forgetting what she just said or being confused at times she’s doing OK. My dad is in perfect condition but he’s 89. They were living alone in a condominium in Florida. I felt it was no longer appropriate for them to be alone as he couldn’t keep up with the meals cleaning, etc. so I moved them into independent living. Now I’m getting comments from other residents about my mom’s memory and I feel terrible. Perhaps I should have put them into assisted-living. Should I move immediately to get them over there or wait and see what happens. I can’t separate the two of them, but dad will hate assisted-living. Thank you so much.
What's to "hate", I don't get it. If you keep them in IL and mom has a crisis, or dad for that matter, then you are under the gun to get them moved immediately, under duress. The handwriting is on the wall, it's up to you when you make the move for them.
The only potential issue I can foresee is the AL insisting mom go into Memory Care w/o dad, which wouldn't work. Make it clear they cannot be separated.
Good luck to you.
If Dad is still able to supervise her then fine . That would be the same as him supervising at home . You said you moved them to independent living for the help with meals , cleaning , etc.
The other residents are busy bodies .
Ignore the comments from the residents.
Keep Dad happy.
So if dad does need help with mom he can not ask staff to do anything.
(from a friend of mine that is IL if she fell the staff is not allowed to help them up, they have to call 911 for a Lift Assist.)
Assisted Living might have been a better option. The facility where they are currently, does it have levels of care? Maybe a move to AL is appropriate now and it might be that mom may need Memory Care in the near future.
Have you spoken to any of the caregivers? The ladies at my mother's facility are usually wealths of information.
Other residents are not your best bets for reliable information.
Hire a caregiver to help Mom in independent living if need be.
Prioritize Dad. Keep him happy in independent living.