My mother is 88 years old and extremely verbally and emotionally abusive. She has no respect for me as a human being and thinks she can say whatever she wants because she is my mother. She dwells on the negative and overlooks the good things in her life. She is depressing to talk to; what can I do about it?
DGinGA tells a story about being accused of abuse.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/mom-stating-neglect-isnt-true-161284.htm
I agree that you shouldn't just take the abuse without comment. I personally couldn't survive without therapy, and recommend getting some professional support with this. Thirty years ago they had "Assertiveness Training" which taught how to be firm but not rude and aggressive. I wonder where that went?
On the other hand, it does suck to be your mother. She's old and in pain, losing her abilities, etc. Some day, If you can catch her before she starts in on you, can you express sympathy for her? "Oh, Mom, I bet you wish you could still go out dancing like you used to. I'm sorry everything hurts. That's no fun. I bet you wish you had a cute young male doctor doing this instead of me."
She hasn't done anything to deserve sympathy, but boy she sure needs it. Getting some, feeling understood, might soften her heart, and that might soften yours, and make you both happier.
I am very sorry for how hard it is.
Well, Mom is 104 now and has and always had this extreme negativeness. I try to
let all of it go, but it gets me so down. She thinks only of herself and knows she has the worst life of anyone. She has a very good life and is healthy for her age.
Only thing to do is live with it and hope it doesn't do you in!
If you can't get her out of your life for whatever reason, every time she opens her mouth and something lousy comes out, you walk. And walk. And walk. REFUSE to listen. Refuse to accept it. Refuse to enable bad behavior. It's really pretty simple when it comes down to it...