Unreasonable expectations; what to eat and how much? Is 2 meals a day enough?
I am having a bit of trouble trying to figure out how much I should be feeding 2, 88 year old parents. They are not forthright about what they want, when they want it, if they want it, why, where and when....and it always changes, no rhyme or reason to much of what they say about anything. I presently make them breakfast which consists of, either one boiled egg, or an omlette with veggies, with toast, and oatmeal. He will eat 2 s of toast, 1 boiled egg and a bowl oatmeal, to which he will add 1 banana, and 1/3 c of milk. She will have 1 toast, w cream cheese, and jam, 1 egg, and 1/2 c of milk. Sometimes she will skip everything, which he also will do on occasion. I have yet to truly understand why they do this, if it is they are upset about something, or just not hungry.
I will then make them a lunch/dinner meal. Which is always something healthy with veggies and a protein, usually chicken. Their diet is limited due to him having issues with gout and her with high blood sugar levels. I try to make it as healthy and safe for them. But all they ever do is scoff at my food. I am a very good cook, and always cook from scratch.
I am riddled with anxiety, guilt, concern, resentment and confusion over the meals. Are 2 meals enough for them? They are not active elderly people. In the evening around 7pm she will start foraging/shuffling in the kitchen looking for something to eat. There is lots of food at their disposal, cheese, fruit, veggies, healthy cookies, crackers, etc. Yet she will look at me and say I'm hungry, what should I have???? He never asks for anything, but I hear them frequently complaining about the meals, even though at the table he will go out of his way to state how good it is and thank you.
I do not have time to make more than 2 meals per day, it's a struggle just the 2. I'm used to leftovers and salads, something quick. I work from home and take care of both of them now. They are not wasting away, he is healthier than he has been in years, before coming here the doctor was saying he was not well and to expect his passing soon. She was overweight (she still is, but has lost a healthy amount, just a bit) and was falling over/down all the time. They have been here 4 months, what I am doing for them, has had a positive effect on them, but they refuse to accept/acknowledge it. It feels like they have been here forever and then some. I don't want to sound or be mean, but I am struggling with many areas with them, this is just one of them.
Let me add, I will go out of my way to make elaborate meals, to which they turn their nose up at, and ends up in the garbage. I do not like to waste food. They are healthy full of good nutritional meals. When I give them what they used to eat lots of grains, breads/pasta, cold cuts, cheeses, etc., they don't want that either and act as if I've done them a great injustice. I get the feeling they just like to watch me spin around and of control.
So my question is: How many calories is a realistic number for the elderly per day? Am I being unreasonable with making them only 2 meals?
and how should I handle the nonsense where anything I make or do is good enough for them??
6 Answers
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What is your secret? :)
Second, they often prefer to nibble here and there rather than have large formal meals. I can't imagine eating a breakfast the size you describe, and I'm not an inactive 88-year-old.
When my dad was doing the cooking for my mom and himself at that age, he'd make scrambled or fried eggs, a piece of toast and some fruit for breakfast. (It's still more than I could ever eat first thing in the morning, but this was their one big meal of the day.)
For lunch, he'd open a can of Progresso soup, add a bunch of cut-up vegetables to it, and they might have some cut up cheese and crackers to go with it.
Dinner was usually a large chopped salad with more vegetables, smal cubes of sharp cheese and/or meat, and perhaps another piece of some kind of bread. Dessert was a small handful of chocolate covered almonds.
He'd cook chicken breasts, shred them for salads or to add to their soups, or he'd make chicken salad.
That was it, and it was plenty. My dad was fairly active, but my mother slept most of the day and took a total of about 50 steps a day. I'd say they ate around 1200 calories a day at the most.
Today my mom is in a memory care, and since December, she eats anywhere from 10%-40% of one meal a day, plus some Ensure. That keeps her going.
I would love to make them salads as you father made.
I have tried serving that to them, but they do not want it.
They refuse to eat them.
That is how I eat. Quick easy healthy meals.
During their stay here they have managed to confuse me with the meal prep and I have altered the way I prep food to accommodate them. They do act like it's a restaurant. After reading the replies, I think I will go back to my way of serving up food, and they will have to accept it
Wow earlybird that sounds wonderful. Your mother is a lucky woman to have you.
I do not have the energy to make 3 meals, and 2 snacks and everything else that needs to be done daily.
I am cooking for 4, 2 parents, my husband and myself, cleaning for 4, running a business that requires at least 8 hours of my time daily and then some, working out to stay healthy, and then all the other things that always happen to fill in the gap.
This is alot for me and I am 71. The elderly don't need the calories they did when they were younger especially if not active. MJ is right about taste and smell especially if there is Dementia in the mix. Does it always have to be healthy? Can't Mom have a little sweet. They do taste sugar and its instant gratification. I really don't see why you need to do elaborate meals. Grilled cheese and soup will be enough. Let them snack in the afternoon. I only eat breakfast and dinner same with DH. Let them enjoy the rest of the time they are have. I used to freeze Slim fast till it was like a milkshake. Maybe u can do that with Boost or that diebetic drink.
They both have a healthy appetite. They actually look forward to their breakfast, and do not find it too much. They are both healthy weight wise. The portions are reasonable. My father is very slim, my mother is about 15lbs overweight. I do have sweets in the house which my mom likes to snack on, but she is diabetic therefor does not over do it. They have coffee, and I do have fun foods for them on occasion. Yes I am making them only breakfast and dinner. Like I mentioned it is difficult for me to get a read on them, whether what I am giving them is enough, sometimes it seems to be and sometimes they make comments which lead me to believe it's not enough. There is dementia at play here, yes. I am just asking to get an idea as to what is more common than not when feeding the elderly.
If they are looking for something to eat between meals it means that they need added meals or snacks.
Have you checked into meals on wheels? This could add an additional meal daily for them without adding extra work for you.