I moved my Mom into my house back in Nov 2006 after she lived approx 120 miles away with my one sister whom I do not get along with, she has mental issues and has always been taken care of by my mother. Unfortunately, when my Mother's funds ran out, so did the sister. I had no other option but to move her in with me because she could not live that far away with no means to get around or have anyone to look after her. So my sister gave me about 2 weeks notice that she was moving out of my mother's house.
This was a very big change as I mainly had a "phone relationship" with my Mom for more that 25 years. My husband and girls and I have been very close always and without them, I would probably be crazy by now.
Anyway, after alot of remodeling on my Mom's house and trying to get her bills paid, she was extremely in debt with credit cards.
We finally sold her house and the financial burden portion of stress has been lifted. I was able to pay off her credit cards and put the balance into a savings account for her when she needs it.
My problem is that I am so unhappy having her in my house. I have always been a loner type and the thought of having someone sitting in that chair all of the time drives me crazy. Then there is the guilt for these feelings, I really do not know what to do.
My sister comes in and out of the picture and sometimes takes her for weekends, I am so happy during that time off with neither of them around.
I try to have a strict business relationship with my sister for my Mother's sake only.
There is more to this story, but for now I am just looking for a place to vent. I have been holding everything inside of me except for my understanding husband and girls.
Any advice that anyone has would be great.
Obviously, you aren't getting that. It's good that you can not have to worry about her home alone those four days, but you still don't have time to yourself. Most times, having the parent live with the family only works well if there is plenty of room and time for all to have some alone time. Otherwise, it gets very "crowded" mentally, if not physically. Please try not to feel guilty for being human.
Carol
Boy to I relate about someone sitting in the chair driving you nuts. I need alone time - and I mean alone. The person doesn't have to be doing anything wrong. It's just that some of us need to be alone with our thoughts. For me, some of it is a form of meditation, and without that I have a hard time staying mentally and physiclly as balanced as I like to be.
You don't get that chance. No wonder you are stuggling. Obviously, there are other family issues, as well.
You can't make her do anything, but you could hire an in-home agency and when they come just say, "So and so is here to keep you company while I run some errands." Then go to a park or somewhere you enjoy.
It takes guts, and you won't have your house, which I realize is part of the main problem, but you would get a little time to yourself.
The adult day care mentioned would be ideal, and she'd probably enjoy it if she let herself enjoy it, but she won't if she won't. It's tough to get them to go somewhere physically if they refuse. So, until the time that you move her to assisted living or somewhere, you will have to cope with her at home. Getting out by yourself may be your only viable option.
Carol
It took me last year even with my parents health issues to go on vacation with my family. My husband and two teenage sons. This year we are going again and I have no guilt I need the time with my sons and other family members, and so I don't get burned out.