My husband was diagnosed with dementia in March, 2019. He is 71 and I am 63. I have been noticing some decline in memory; but, the past few weeks have concerned me. He has accused me of stealing money from his wallet and he is hiding things from me. We have a beautiful home we built together and he constantly states it’s his-nothing is mine. Today, I noticed he was looking at me differently then asked, “I’m sorry, but who are you and do you belong here?” I knew this day would come and it was devastating. I immediately brought out photo albums and reminisced of our time together. I calmly assured him he is loved and I will be with him always. He then admitted, for the first time, something is happening to him he doesn’t understand. I explained how dementia progresses. But, I still don’t understand why it’s only me he doesn’t remember. Any advice would be appreciated.
Eventually, I stepped into the world of Alz/Dementia and did the only thing I had the energy left to do so I ended up just almost like playing along. Eventually I got to a point when I would walk in and he would be nasty or say he didn't know me and I would say, 'oh - we met the other day but there was a lot going on' blah blah blah....And if he said anything nasty, I would say the same thing to him as I would anyone else in the world being nasty for no reason. But, there's not really any nastiness - more confusion I would say.
I actually ended up starting a new 'friendship' with my husband who didn't know me. Sometimes he did & sometimes he didn't, but I let him lead the way. Whatever his topic of conversation for the day - I played along. He would say, 'do you remember.......' and he would talk about some bizarre story and I would just listen and play along. This is an awful disease and sometimes we have to remember it's a terribly lonely disease for all involved.
I hope this helps you.
God Bless.
You might try telling him that he is transitioning from mortal to immortal, and the data is in process of transferring to that new data base, so, sometimes, he doesn't have immediate access to it.
The first time they forget you, is devastating. But, it tends to come and go. Hallucinations, delusions, and paranoia are also a huge part of Dementia. You will learn to distract, deflect, and use therapeutic lying.
Just make sure that you join a support group, so that you can have a place to vent.
The Alzheimer's Dementia Caregiver's FB Support Group is a great place to get help and support.
Eventually, the response you give might be only, "I am here to care for you in sickness and in health, (Husband), until death do we part," because that says it all.
I am so sorry that you're husband is showing signs of serious memory loss. I don't know why it's YOU of all people whom he can't recall but the same thing happened to my mom and dad. When my dad was in mid-stage of Alzheimer's and still 100% verbal, he went through a lengthy period of paranoia and confusion where he was sure my mom was one of his former students who had come to visit and refused to leave their house. He would call me from inside a closet and ask me to come over to tell the person (my mom) to leave. Sometimes I could distract him well enough that he'd break out of that thought loop but after a while, my mom started going along with it, and she'd kind of pretend that she was a former student and ask him to explain things. For the last 2 years of his life when he could no longer speak he most certainly recognized my mom (and us kids) as a familiar presence and would smile and pretend to converse with us. That was better than being mistaken for a stranger, for sure!
Hang in there,
Marya
I have been taking care of a man for over 5 yrs. He is 87 and I am 48. He will sometimes think I am his ex wife. Sometimes he does not remember my name and the sometimes he does and other times he plays and says my name is Alice. Lol. Which of course is not even close. But he knows on those days....I just laugh and say ...really ? He says nooooo....and says my real name.
I guess that my advice would be this as this is what I do to help myself and my feelings...he likes polka so I put polka on when bathing him. He likes to hear me sing so I put my music on and sing. I engage in conversation and memories of his past. I know his likes and always go to them if he is having a hard day. I also share about me. It's amazing how he can remember everything one day and the next nothing. I know his worst confusions and have tried to remind him but this has not been very successful and was making him agitated, so I just let him go with them now. Like his daughter is his sister. That's been around for a while so I know who he is talking about and just let him.
I know this is hard. Especially for you as it is your husband. I don't know if you have help coming in or not but I think it would help you. You are only 63. You need to still live a life or you will get depressed. So maybe have someone come and be with him a couple times a week and go have fun. Maybe bingo or lunch or gambling or shopping. Lol. I wish you well. Being a caregiver is hard mentally, but it is hardest when it is for the one you love. I give you big hugs!!!
This is so hard to accept, but it doesn't have to mean the end of the relationship. As for why you or my friend and not everyone else, who knows? This can be neurological, generally from a very limited stroke, a form of visual agnosia such that he doesn't recognize you. (I have had patients that cannot recognize themselves even though they recognize their spouses.) Try watching the movie 50 First Dates (with him if he can sit through a movie). It might give you ideas, and it might help him to understand.
In the meantime, please protect yourself for the future. Make sure you have the legal and fiscal ability to care for him and yourself.