They've been married for 63 yrs. Everyday he asks where she is. I found him crying and asked him what was wrong. He said, "I know something happened to my wife. I think she's dead". We always tell him that she's at the store. She was the only person who could calm him down.
its HOW u tell him ,what u say- the same theory as with a child- not more info than they need- simple, clear,-everyone is so different-and hears things thru their own perceptions., their own ablitly.
he still has feelings,still needs to express and let go, and on some level he knows,
but reality seems to be so cruel -as we age-
maybe he would need something calming before actually talking /telling him.
asking his dr. makes sense-u dont want him to physically breakdown- but
depending on how the brain is connecting things,and the stage of his mental apacity,hopefully the dr can help decide.
when my dad passed, mom would say - where is your father-is he angry?he works so hard-and i would say,he isnt here-well he is here- but not where we are-
she would say things like i miss him, but he is busy, but i know she knew on some level, that he had passed. one day she just said- dad isnt here anymore is he?
i said no, but hes with marlene(my sister) and nanny and pops(grandparents) and i mentioned a few other people that had also passed- it took a while- but i feel it was thebest way for her. i also said he was around us too- she understood that- sometimes people with dementia and alz. can see a lot deeper than we can- sometimes they see and talk with peoplw in their lives who already passed- i know that may not
be everyones belief- but thinks like that happen-
just a thought-
i would tell him, gently, and like i said- its how u tell him- your body movenments,tone of voice- they are so sensitive-just cant always verbalize it,but they feel....im sorry for your loss, sending hugs-love,k
gets rid of negitive energy -thru tears-
but it is so sad, and difficult, and i hate this disease-i hate this painful punishment
i feel is thrown on my mom
sorry-just needed to vent a bit myself- thanks-
love this site!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!k
there is much more going on!!!!!!!!u just have to know how to read it--
not insult them,be aggressive,show ignorance and talk above them as if they dont know a thing!!!!oh im so glad u said that!!!!!karen- millions of hugs to you!!!you, are an aware person- its so sad that more dont realize this!!!l
Sometimes in life its hard to make the right decisions. Every situation is different. Do whats in your heart that you feel is right. I would've lied to grandma if I knew how she would have taken the news. To me I feel I would of protected her from heartache.
As time came nearer, I took Mom on a 6 hr ride to visit her daughter, Dad can’t travel. On the way, Mom told me that she feels that something was seriously wrong with “sis” and that death was near, she could smell funeral home flowers, I almost ran off the road. Mom also said, whatever it is I’m ok with it. Mom was able to visit and hold Sis, we were thankful Mom’s low eye sight wouldn’t allow her to see my Sis in such a emaciated state, it was horrendous!
Mom’s intuition spoke when I couldn’t, she exclaimed, If I don’t see “sis” again….I can rest.
When my Sister passed I had to tell mom and dad (my heart is still in my stomach). I cried and prayed, prayed and pulled my britches up, prepared the NH staff and asked for stronger anxiety and sleep meds for my Parents…just in case.
When my Husband and I walked in the NH, he said do you want me to tell them, I asked him was he prepared with compassion,he said yes. (He's a retired Army man and can sometimes be a little rough around the collar. Not saying all Army men are, just saying he can be a little blunt at times)
We slowly built up conversation and told them we needed to talk. I sat on the side of my mom, while hubby sat by Dads side then the words came, as you know” Sis” had been rushed to the hospital, they nodded in agreement then said she has passed.
I caught my Moms hand and it dropped. She turned to me and said “Sis” is dead? We answered in agreement. Mom said she thought so but now she knows. We prayed together, talked, sat silent and just allowed life to happen.
I hope I’ve helped you by telling my story, but the truth of story is…use your gut, sounds loke your Dad knows but he needs affirmation of the truth. My heart goes out to you, your answer will come and you"ll know what to do.
The police and most elder care professionals take very seriously what your sister is doing. It might even rise to the level of criminal behavior. Do not confront Sis on this without marshaling support.
You say she is the only family you have left. I disagree. Your family is your girlfriend and your father. Just because she shares your DNA doesn't mean you owe your sister a thing. Good luck! GET OUTSIDE SUPPORT TO HELP YOU stand up for your father. That is a different energy than standing up TO your sister.