Sister changing my parents plans, can no longer work together.

I moved both parents to an ALF a few months ago. Dad used to be an estate planner, so he had all of their wishes documented years ago. He gave me copies which I have been keeping. I have one sister who never showed much interest.

My sister however is my parent’s beloved child. They made her Executor and trustee successor. She never even held copies of it. We are both DPOA after each spouse as each others primary. I am patient advocate. I realized someone needed to help pay their bills, so was working to get them to add my name on their accounts. To do so, the bank said I needed to bring in both of them to sign papers. To say the least, it has been a challenge to get them both on a good day to get them to the bank.i told my sister about this weeks ago. She said she did not want the financial responsibility. I figured I would get this finalized for myself and kept my sister out of my plans.

I had talked to an attorney after moving parents to the ALF about how to prevent my sister from taking things over. I did not trust her. He said I had to get on their accounts, have parents remove my sister as POA (unlikely) or have a doctor declare them both incompetent. Dad has been clear enough where I did not think any doctor would deem him incompetent. It left me with only one option - to get myself added on their accounts.

Two weeks ago the ALF informed dad’s CHF got worse and he should go to ER. We told our dad, and he said he did not want to go. I said I supported dad’s decision and my sister said she agreed. I said I would get hospice involved, and I had been scheduling an evaluation later this week. I informed my sister.

Yesterday my sister started repeatedly texting me that we need to revise their POA to remove them as having each other as their primary. She told me to give her the documents I had. I refused. She then drove over to my house and texted me to bring the papers out to her. I replied no. She left.

I went to visit parents last night and ran into her. She said she was just leaving after spending four hours there having her attorney revise “all of their paperwork”. I asked which ones, she just replied “everything”. She angrily said it cost more money because I did not give her the papers I had. She also casually said she was taking dad to ER tomorrow. I asked if dad said he wanted that, and she said she never talked to him, it is just what she is doing. She also said all the plans parents made with their pre/paid funeral are too far away and it will be easier if we bury them closer. The cemetery they wanted is a veteran’s cemetery one hour away. I told her, no, we are keeping things as planned. She just smirked and walked off.

My sister shows no regard for our parents, their wishes, or my efforts. She agrees with me, then changes direction. This feels like a hostile take over. I am utterly no longer able to remain working with her to the benefit of our parents.

I can only assume she enjoys exploiting a vulnerable situation. She enjoys feeling in control over something. I told my dad when they moved into the ALF that I did not trust my sister and to be on guard. It was obvious he just does not get it.

I feel like this situation has come to a conclusion. I just wanted peace for my parents and some dignity. I feel like this is now just a sad circus.

in some ways I feel like I failed. I tried to follow their plan, I played by the rules. However I just got run over by a steamroller. I sort of feel like “evil” won out here.