The lady I care for is in the later stages of Alzheimers. Numerous mornings she wakes with soiled diapers and refuses to get in shower. She will punch, hit, pinch, and try to bite. It is so stressful for us both. How do I deal with this? I am the only person who baths her.
I understand the fear of water and everything that goes with her not wanting to shower. Her violent behavior occurs randomly throughout our 9 1/2 hour day. She will throw drinks at me etc. It is getting worse. This behavior also occurs towards her husband. For an elderly lady, she is strong and my fear is that she'll hurt someone or her self.
We go on walks and for car rides to get out of the house. She sleeps very little and won't sit down when awake. It seems that medication would help her anxiety and agitation but her family doesn't think it's necessary. Her level of care has greatly increased and has become more difficult after 3 years. Any advice on what to do?
Have you watched Teepa Snow videos on handling resistant dementia patients?
Have a new job lined up.
Do the family members (besides the husband) of the lady see how violent the lady behaves? If they don't see it, they won't understand. So, you should try to record it on your phone somehow and show it to her family.
If they know and see how violent the lady behaves towards you and still ignore your pleading, then you should not risk your safety for her or her family. You should look for another job.
I can get through to the daughter if I video. It seems unethical to film due to the worst behavior occurs in the shower.
Thank you for responding.
Having a bad day doesn't mean you kick, bite, pinch or throw things. What would this knot head say if you threw a cuppa at his head and then said, I am having a bad day, then walk by and pinch him. I bet it would not be dismissed.
Have they increased your wages to coincide with the increase in care required? Do they carry worker's compensation insurance for you in case she injures you? Are you being paid a regular paycheck with them matching your social security and Medicare tax? Are they withholding taxes and paying them to the appropriate agencies? Do they carry unemployment insurance for you?
If you answered no to the above, you are being exploited and should find a new job that ensures you are protected by the employer providing the above.
If you do videotape the struggle, DO NOT send it in any way shape or form. You will get in serious trouble. I don't care what any of them say, don't send it. Show them from your phone and then promptly delete. I would try to record audio first, do that every day and hopefully that will be enough.
This is a very sad situation and I don't know how it could end well for anyone. They are pretty ignorant of the blessing you have been. 3 years on the job has saved them untold headaches, so many people go through caregivers weekly because they can't find one that works. Your current employer may find out how valuable you are.
You will not have a difficult time finding a new position, people are begging for good caregivers.
Be calm and talk to your employer with the recorded evidence of this behavior, I would also do videos of the agitation that she lives with, they aren't even making sense to let her quality of life be so poor over a pill. Can you send a letter to her doctor and request that you remain anonymous? This poor woman needs someone in a position of authority to help her.
Come back and let us know how it works out for you.
Hugs and thank you for caring enough to reach out for help. This family is blessed to have you.
I agree with you completely that video taping her violent behavior would put you in a bad position. Who knows what that family would do to you if you sent such a video for them to watch. It's not your job to play detective or get her medically evaluated; it's the family's job.
Thank you.
Thank you for your response.
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