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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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I just let them talk and just nod and smile. Occasionally, I may ask a question regarding the storyline. Other than that, I just listen or go um hum to go along with the story being told.
I talked to my sister the other day and she told me that she was going to continue her college education. She was also getting married and moving in a house. I just listened offering no feedback. She currently resides in a rehab/nursing home setup.
Back in April, she told me she was pregnant and needed prenatal care at eighty-three. I was like okay, take care of your health.
My DH tried desperately to 'fix' his mother. He'd come home after a day of CG and just be so angry & depressed b/c he COULDN'T fix her and he also couldn't join her in her 'delusions'.
His mindset was one of 'you can change, no matter how old you are".
Well, that's a hopeful thought and completely useless, really. His mom was so far gone in her mind, she was just living in a world of her own.
The last couple of years she couldn't make a decision, hold a conversation or have a talk about anything that didn't escalate into her 'reality'. She was the chronic 'poor me' and complained every single day about how her ex-DH had taken her life and ruined it, then how her 2 boys just added to that 'ruination'.
I never saw her, so everything I knew came 2nd hand and I just let DH rant about it. My getting upset and trying to help him see the light was as pointless as him trying to get Her to listen to HIM.
She died without DH's having any kind of closure whatsoever. It has been a rough 7 months and will continue to be so as long as DH has to think about her and handle her affairs.
Instead of arguing with her about the reality of her thinking, he should have let it all go. That's more of what OB and YS did and they're handling things a lot better.
"His mindset was one of 'you can change, no matter how old you are"."
That's ironic coming from your DH who has proven that NO you can't change, especially the older you get, since he is not willing to change or make changes in the slightest way possible. Why is it that introspection is often so lacking in people? That the things they demand of others they refuse to implement in their own lives to make themselves happier but also those they love happier too?
I’d join her in her reality if it is a reality that makes her happy.
I did that with my mother the last few weeks of her life when she was talking about a handsome German man with good posture and telling me the nurses at the NH sang to her in German.
I said it was all lovely. It was a much better place to be than her grim reality.
There is a saying in the world of dementia that states that we need to meet people where they are in their dementia and in their world not ours, so I would say yes, unless of course their reality is scaring them.
When You Should – and Should NOT – Use Reality Orientation in Dementia Care
Did you ever wake up in the middle of a dream and wonder, for just an instant, if what you were dreaming about was real? It can feel very disorienting until you open your eyes and take in your familiar surroundings. An experience like this can give you just a brief peek into the ongoing disorientation for someone with dementia. When confusion about place, time, and even identity settle in for someone you love, you’re faced with two options for responding: either stepping into their reality with them, or orienting them to yours. Knowing when to use reality orientation in dementia care (and when to avoid it) is crucial to the person’s emotional wellness.
Which Reality Is Best?
In short, each approach has its place. Nonetheless, there are specific cautions to be familiar with when using reality orientation in dementia care. It’s important to first understand what is involved in both options and when they might be most appropriate.
Accepting Their Reality
Living in an alternate reality is quite common for someone in the mid to later stages of dementia. The person may believe they are a young adult engaged in their previous career (or a different one altogether), with a spouse and young kids to look after. Going along with their perception of reality helps them maintain a sense of self-worth and purpose. It instills peace and comfort, and is oftentimes the recommended approach.
Reality Orientation
Reality orientation, on the other hand, involves providing cues and prompts about the current date, time, and location. Studies have shown that it can improve cognitive functioning, especially when paired with donepezil, and help with a number of the more challenging aspects of dementia.
However, reality orientation should be handled gently along with compassion, skill, and awareness of the person’s emotional state. For example, if the individual asks where their mother is, it could be extremely harmful to respond, “Why, she died 30 years ago! You are 95 years of age, so there’s no way your mother could still be alive.” In contrast, it may be effective in ordinary conversations. For instance, if the individual wakes up and asks what day it is, you may respond, “Today is Tuesday, the day you have your exercise class and then dinner with Janice.” If the individual appears to become agitated or anxious with reality, it is always best to join them in the perceived reality that feels comfortable to them.
My Moms reality included dreams and TV. They were part of her reality. Her mind could not separate them. I came into her room one day and she told me the doctor wanted to talk to me. The doctor was Dick VanDyke on Diagnosis Murder.
My Mom Liked to tell stories of seeing Elvis in concert and the Beatles at the Melody tent . She sang a Lot and watched a lot of disco on PBS and Loved Anthony Bourdain . My Dad would sing songs from Old times 1930's and Knew all the words to songs - Just start singing songs and he was Happy . He Picked weeds and sat Outside waiting for the Mail . I would take him for walks and Lunch or a ice cream . When he would Obsess about his Mothers diamond ring from over 40 years ago I would say " Dad Thats a Long time ago . " And Not Indulge into the story .
If to "argue" or try to convince a person with dementia is going to cause undue stress, agitation, anxiety why would you want to try to convince them that what they are saying is not "real" If telling someone that what they believe is not true is going to cause them pain then trying to get them to believe otherwise would be cruel. For example... Your mom wants to talk to dad, or her mom and both are dead. If you tell mom that her husband is dead, her mom is dead she is going to relive that death as if it just happened. Mom is convinced that she already took a shower and had breakfast. Rather than argue that she has not had breakfast or taken a shower convince her to clean up for a "snack". Take her into the bathroom, wash face, hands and make sure that she is clean and dry. Worry about a shower another day. You can do a "Spa Day" tomorrow.
Now when it might be dangerous..then you can argue about her "reality" VS true reality. The smoke alarm going off and she thinks it is the phone. She thinks it is winter and wants to wear a heavy coat and hat and it is really 98 degrees outside.
In general if is is not dangerous, not causing harm or anxiety I see no problem with going with the flow. Treat it as any "normal" conversation.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You simply don't argue, because that's a waste of time.
Occasionally, I may ask a question regarding the storyline. Other than that, I just listen or go um hum to go along with the story being told.
I talked to my sister the other day and she told me that she was going to continue her college education. She was also getting married and moving in a house. I just listened offering no feedback. She currently resides in a rehab/nursing home setup.
Back in April, she told me she was pregnant and needed prenatal care at eighty-three. I was like okay, take care of your health.
His mindset was one of 'you can change, no matter how old you are".
Well, that's a hopeful thought and completely useless, really. His mom was so far gone in her mind, she was just living in a world of her own.
The last couple of years she couldn't make a decision, hold a conversation or have a talk about anything that didn't escalate into her 'reality'. She was the chronic 'poor me' and complained every single day about how her ex-DH had taken her life and ruined it, then how her 2 boys just added to that 'ruination'.
I never saw her, so everything I knew came 2nd hand and I just let DH rant about it. My getting upset and trying to help him see the light was as pointless as him trying to get Her to listen to HIM.
She died without DH's having any kind of closure whatsoever. It has been a rough 7 months and will continue to be so as long as DH has to think about her and handle her affairs.
Instead of arguing with her about the reality of her thinking, he should have let it all go. That's more of what OB and YS did and they're handling things a lot better.
That's ironic coming from your DH who has proven that NO you can't change, especially the older you get, since he is not willing to change or make changes in the slightest way possible. Why is it that introspection is often so lacking in people? That the things they demand of others they refuse to implement in their own lives to make themselves happier but also those they love happier too?
I did that with my mother the last few weeks of her life when she was talking about a handsome German man with good posture and telling me the nurses at the NH sang to her in German.
I said it was all lovely. It was a much better place to be than her grim reality.
Did you ever wake up in the middle of a dream and wonder, for just an instant, if what you were dreaming about was real? It can feel very disorienting until you open your eyes and take in your familiar surroundings. An experience like this can give you just a brief peek into the ongoing disorientation for someone with dementia. When confusion about place, time, and even identity settle in for someone you love, you’re faced with two options for responding: either stepping into their reality with them, or orienting them to yours. Knowing when to use reality orientation in dementia care (and when to avoid it) is crucial to the person’s emotional wellness.
Which Reality Is Best?
In short, each approach has its place. Nonetheless, there are specific cautions to be familiar with when using reality orientation in dementia care. It’s important to first understand what is involved in both options and when they might be most appropriate.
Accepting Their Reality
Living in an alternate reality is quite common for someone in the mid to later stages of dementia. The person may believe they are a young adult engaged in their previous career (or a different one altogether), with a spouse and young kids to look after. Going along with their perception of reality helps them maintain a sense of self-worth and purpose. It instills peace and comfort, and is oftentimes the recommended approach.
Reality Orientation
Reality orientation, on the other hand, involves providing cues and prompts about the current date, time, and location. Studies have shown that it can improve cognitive functioning, especially when paired with donepezil, and help with a number of the more challenging aspects of dementia.
However, reality orientation should be handled gently along with compassion, skill, and awareness of the person’s emotional state. For example, if the individual asks where their mother is, it could be extremely harmful to respond, “Why, she died 30 years ago! You are 95 years of age, so there’s no way your mother could still be alive.” In contrast, it may be effective in ordinary conversations. For instance, if the individual wakes up and asks what day it is, you may respond, “Today is Tuesday, the day you have your exercise class and then dinner with Janice.”
If the individual appears to become agitated or anxious with reality, it is always best to join them in the perceived reality that feels comfortable to them.
Is it a reality that gives them comfort WITHOUT them asking or expecting you to fulfill an impossible , or onerous request ?
Different situations dictate whether you should enter or indulge them in their reality .
If telling someone that what they believe is not true is going to cause them pain then trying to get them to believe otherwise would be cruel.
For example...
Your mom wants to talk to dad, or her mom and both are dead. If you tell mom that her husband is dead, her mom is dead she is going to relive that death as if it just happened.
Mom is convinced that she already took a shower and had breakfast. Rather than argue that she has not had breakfast or taken a shower convince her to clean up for a "snack". Take her into the bathroom, wash face, hands and make sure that she is clean and dry. Worry about a shower another day. You can do a "Spa Day" tomorrow.
Now when it might be dangerous..then you can argue about her "reality" VS true reality.
The smoke alarm going off and she thinks it is the phone.
She thinks it is winter and wants to wear a heavy coat and hat and it is really 98 degrees outside.
In general if is is not dangerous, not causing harm or anxiety I see no problem with going with the flow. Treat it as any "normal" conversation.