My mother-in-law is a resident in a long-term care facility that is experiencing serious neglect issues and staff shortages. She was lucky enough to live in a semi-private room without a roommate for the last 10 months. Unfortunately, she now has a roommate, and we are frightened. Her immune system is compromised and her risk of exposure to Covid is heightened (the LTC is doing a poor job of monitoring Covid and keeping residents who test positive quarantined). The staff in her wing have gone from taking care of 14 residents to 30+.
We reported care concerns to the regulatory agency that manages NHs in our state. They are highly discouraging moving her to a different facility (they say it is bad everywhere). They say the number of neglect complaints has escalated so much that they cannot promise when they can get back to the person(s) filing complaints. Our next solution is to move her home so that we can ensure she is receiving the care she needs and is protected from re-occurring Covid outbreaks in the NH.
What is so frustrating is that the LTC has been increasing their effort to fill up every empty bed with Medicaid patients regardless of whether they have the staff to care for them. Staff shortages are so bad that last night we saw, and spoke with, nurses who were sobbing from the stress of not having enough staff to care for the residents. My heart goes out to them.
Care was never great before, but we could at least control her environment by providing the extra care she needed. She is depressed because she does not have the privacy she enjoyed before, says the care has gone even more downhill, and she can't sleep at night. She wants to come home. We wish we could afford private care but can't.
Thoughts?
Check with the NH and see if they have certain criteria you must follow to have outside help. Working WITH the system will be better than trying to create your own 'system'.
And once MIL has left NH care, it will be very hard to get her back in.
COVID is here to stay, we all have to deal with that.
I would never consider moving her into your home, she will not get better and unless you are wanting to give up your entire life and are clinically trained this would not be an option.
Read around this site, from the many others that have done this and are unable to cope and are basket cases to boot. Caretaking for an elderly person is not a walk in the park.
My mother is in a SNF and I know we couldn't care for her at our home. We don't have the space nor are we equipped with all of the extra equipment needed for her level of care, including hospital bed, lift, etc.
It is a sad situation but if you can't pay for private care, you will need to either take her home, leave her where she is or try and find another place (which would probably have the same issues).
My solution has been to visit more frequently, get to know the staff really well to ensure they know I am invested in her care and I have hired someone to visit when I can't. I would explore what else you can do before moving her home as she may not get the level of care she needs or it could make your home life almost unbearable.
As to the lack of privacy, this is what typically happens with Medicaid. And if she truly needs snf services on the government, she’s in a better place to get them than with one person, even family.
:)
hug!!
you know, with such a question you’ll get answers on both sides of the spectrum: keep your MIL in a facility vs. keep her home.
you’ll hear from people who had awful experiences keeping their LOs home; and people who had great experiences.
only you can make the decision because: (1) only you know all the facts, and the consequences of either decision; (2) the consequences fall on you, and not on any of us giving advice.
anyway, my opinion:
keep her home. you said she’s miserable in the facility, and you’re worried about covid.
you said you can’t afford in-home private care: i wonder if there’s any way you can find some funds for it. i hope so. i hope your MIL has a house she can sell, or some assets. i hope you can hire in-home caregivers.
definitely you shouldn’t become a 24/7 caregiver; that’s slavery. and it’s your husband’s mother: he must help her.
I might just visit more. Maybe do some little things to lighten the staffs load.
Many people who comment on COVID live in areas that are safer or not as safe as where you are.
I’ve lived in hot spot where the rate of infection has been high since the pandemic began. In situations like mine, “home” is NOT necessarily SAFER and may be even less so than you’re describing in her current residence.
My LO is 94. She has survived 2 COVID infections, but my husband and Iwere also infected by an unknown source while living in a totally isolated household.
All of us who are caregivers are feeling either “frustrated and hopeless” or are very naive.
My heart goes out to you.
Switch that up, while chances of exposure are probably higher in a skilled nursing facility and I can imagine your concerns are high... you don't mention that she is actually being neglected there just that you are concerned about her exposure. If you bring her home are you intending to put her in a room and isolate her? I'm not being sarcastic I'm being 100% serious. Unless you limit her visitors, wear masks, test everyone with a rapid test before they see her, change out the household ventilation, and don't allow her to leave that room (which all have their own problems) you really aren't gaining a lot of protection. You have to weigh that against how much will change for all of you.
I'm not saying it's the wrong thing to do. I'm just saying you need to consider ALL of the impacts.
When COVID first started and my town began lockdown, my mom, who MY family actually already shared a home with (when my dad passed away from terminal cancer, we sold our home and moved over with my mom, she loved to travel and that gave her both company AND someone in her home to take care of things when she was gone. We love being together and it gave her time to spend with her grands as well so we were all excited about it) was actually short term living with my grandmother and we decided to move them BOTH back here during the lockdown so that only one person had to go out of the house. My girls were doing online college classes, my daughter took a leave of absence from her nanny job, my husband and I were both working from home and we TRULY locked down.
It was eye opening to say the least. My grandmother did not do well. She was used to her solitude and the quiet of her home. She didn't want the "noise" of an active house (we weren't loud...we were just a normal active family but to her after years of just her and silence we were loud). She was chomping at the bit to get back to her domain. My mom LOVED being home. She craved the stimulation and "noise". She needed it.
So as much as protecting her from COVID is important...it is everywhere and it there is only so much you can do to protect her. There is no such thing as 100% safe anywhere. The question is...what will moving do to her? To you? To your family? Will it be beneficial for her? Will it create problems for her? For you? You might be eliminating one issue partially (COVID) but creating more without realizing it. So really consider all of the potentials before making a decision.
If she's getting skilled nursing, then honestly, you will not be able to replicate that at home yourselves. Ten months is a long time to be in a facility then go home again. The expenses of supplies alone may break your bank, and never mind how difficult the hands-on work will be. No one can do it alone, and that's why even a reduced staff in a LTC setting is better than family trying to care for someone in addition to working, sleeping, and caring for a household.
Who cares what the regulatory agency says about moving her? Move her if you think that'll be better, and it may well be. However, if she's on Medicaid and thinks she could have a single room to herself, I think that's not realistic no matter where she goes. Perhaps she just needs to have time to get accustomed to the roommate.
It stinks all the way around, but I don't know that bringing her home to avoid the chance of COVID will make her life better, and it certainly won't do that for you.
My husband is immuno suppressed.....not compromised but suppressed. We still go out and live our lives because the alternative is hiding in our home 24/7 and sequestering ourselves away in fear, which we refuse to do. We avoid large indoor gatherings, thats about it. We've been in hospitals and medical faciities continuously for the past 2 years also, meaning we've definitely been exposed to the virus plenty of times. We've not caught it. We've had our 2 jabs and 1 booster and that's it, we're done. If and when we get it, we get it. Everyone has had a pretty mild case lately, it seems. My DH can't even take Paxlovid due to medication interference. Plus, the doctors are generally veering away from recommending it anyway.....a virus has to run it's course. And we have to allow it to. My DIL and her family all have Covid now and the doc gave thumbs down to them for the Paxlovid, saying it can cause more trouble than it cures. Look what it did to Fauci, after all.
If you're taking MIL home to keep her safe, you're fooling yourselves. If you want to take her home due to neglect at the SNF, thats another matter. If you think you can manage her 24/7 care alone at home, by all means do it. I wouldn't. My mother was 92-95 years old and lived in Memory Care Assisted Living thru the height of Covid, never caught it either, and died of dementia and heart issues in February. I was unable to care for her at home and never would've considered taking her out of her MC for Covid or any other reason. She needed a TON of care that required a team of people working 24/7 to accomplish. Idk what level of care your MIL requires?
You can go visit her more often and spend time with her, making sure her needs are being met at the SNF during this time of being short staffed. That's a consideration too.
Wishing you the best of luck.
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