I have four sisters and two brothers. They all live away except for one older brother (63) and he suffers from severe depression. My mam took very bad on St Stephens day and nearly died. I have been looking after mam since she came out of hospital and even before she was ill, I was always with her and so were my children, we like be her to bits. But when my mam came home from hospital, the ne of my sisters (who I thought was genuine) flew over and brought my mam back down to her own house. She then brought my mam to her solicitor , with my older brother and got my mam to make a will leaving my brother in mams house until he died after she has passed away. ( He has his own apartment and cottage in the country). I do not really much be that as if that's what mam wanted I'm fine with that. Now the rest of my mams dealings with her will was sapposed to be between mam and her solicitor but seemenly my sister has told all my family about it, that my mam gave my brother money and I was left money in my mams band account. She told my mam before she got this will done that she would be home every few weeks to help me out with her but that all changed when she seen what mam did with her will. This sister got drunk before she went home and caused a lot of trouble in my home and even involved my children. She said with drink on her she had been instructed by my Oldest sister to sort out my mams affairs. I have been left so hurt by this carry on . I have been on here before about my mam but now , this sister is completely big hit me again and my mam will be going back to her house to stay with her for a week. The question is , should I bother talking with her at all as anything I say is carried back to all the family, but I know my mam is upset because I don't want to talk with her at all. Now my mother even got annoyed with her on the phone as she was saying she could not come over as promished as she had to mind a friends kids and then we seen pictures of her with another friend of hers over in Spain in my oldest sisters villa , staying for two weeks. It upset my mother to see she was telling lies. But as you know , she is my mothers child also so my mam still loves her. Should I just go away and avoid her completely.
In her case, I don't agree that she should make it private. What's her reason for keeping private? To avoid a fight? Or just delay the fight until she dies and she doesn't have to deal with it. This is her mess, and she should deal with it now, especially that it's no longer private. She is causing her children to fight already.
IMO, she should also decide how the house should be handled beyond the death of the brother, because that will likely be a reason for another battle, possibly in court.
If I were you, I'd be encouraging mom to clean up her mess before she goes, preferably now.