Hey there, I'm 25 and I've been a caregiver for 5 months for my grandma who is 84 (suffers from dementia and hepatic encephalopathy) and I feel like everything is going downhill for me. I will soon develop inguinal hernia due to lifting her all day (I'm quite on the skinny side and she's heavier than me) and I have a ongoing mild pain in my abdomen every day due to this.
I'm taking care of her full time, I never get proper sleep at night, I can't work on my projects as I want to because I'm super stressed the whole time as she can't do anything on her own.
The thing here is that she has 3 kids that are all working and they don't want to take her to a care center and they want to let me do this instead (I had a chat about this with them and they don't want any other options). They donated me my grandma's house but I don't feel like this is worth it for me at all as I'd rather pay rent and live my life the way I want to. I feel like they did this donation just to get me locked up with my grandma.
My grandma raised me since I was 6 months old and I feel really bad for wanting to do this but this is just too hard for me and it's their fault for having the wrong thinking, not me.
I feel like giving them a deadline soon and just leave after and never care about them and start working on my life instead of going through depression and worsen my health condition. My father doesn't care either and he always was a selfish person so I won't feel bad for this (I don't have a mother, my parents split up due to my dad's toxic behaviour)
What are your thoughts on this ?
I live in a super toxic environment and this is not right.
Btw, I'm from Romania so there's no institution that can help me with this besides leaving.
Your father and his siblings don't have the option of not considering other options. Caring for your grandmother is not a one-person job. Have you discussed with them hiring nurses or care assistants to come to the home?
Do your grandmother's children ever come to her home to see her? Where are they now, today, for example?
I've discussed with them in that matter and they think that if we hire someone, they won't take care of my grandma the way I do (the reason they don't want to take my grandma to a care center is because all our relatives will find out about this and they consider this as something to laugh at - they are super old fashioned and this so dumb if you ask me. I would never force my kids to take care of my when I'll be on my death bed, that's just not right, one's suffering shouldnt become a family's suffering (that's how I see it).
They are all at their homes, my father is always saying that he doesn't have time, though he could if he wanted to, my aunt is the only one helping me out 3 hours every 2 days by cooking and washing some clothes and my uncle works only on night shifts, so he's sleeping during the day).
How ill does a person have to be before your father, uncle and aunt understand that one untrained person can't take good enough care of her?
Your wanting this to be over, and wanting not to carry your grandmother's care any longer, is a different issue. My bet is that if you had enough support you would want to see the job through; and if you couldn't you would later regret it. So GET the support. If her children want to argue, then they must come and do the job themselves first, for 48 hours each minimum, before they voice another opinion.
I just wanna cut ties with them overall, my grandma is one of the reason's, but I see myself forced to take care of my father in the same manner after a few years, even if he never cared about his family.
I lived in miserable conditions for so many years and this is why I feel like now I'm able to do well for myself.