My 73yo Mother has Advanced Alzheimer's, and Her significant other of 20+ years has by default taken on the roll of caregiver over the past year. I've come to the realization that not only has he been improperly caring for Her, he has also become overwhelmed, and has refused many attempts (by me) in convincing him that having a part time caretaker/respite care are essential to not only the well being of my Mother, but to himself. He has become very resentful of me, even though, in my free time (normally 2 times per week) from work and life's necessary functions for my own & my Husbands daily lives, and reminds me in a sarcastic and patronizing way as to; "How much fun it is around here 24hrs per day, 7 days per week." and I remind him, that there is help available out there that I can set up for him, and he barks back at me: "I DON'T HAVE $300 OR WHATEVER DOLLARS IT COSTS TO HAVE SOME PERSON COME IN HERE FOR 2 OR 3 TIMES A D*MN WEEK!!" and I told him, that I never asked *HIM* to pay for it, that Mom would be paying for it, as for the fact that Mom's monthly income (pension from the county: $1,231 & SSA: $1,258. Total monthly: $2,489) has not changed. (he brings in SSA: $1,814 per month only) He then of course *YELLS* at me and gets completely irate saying: "THAT IS **OUR** MONEY! WE SHARE A BANK ACCOUNT!!" And I return with: "I understand you share bank accounts, and have for many many years, but Her income is still HER income, and needs to be used for Her care." He did not want to hear it. They are both on the title of their paid off house they both currently reside in, and also no car payments, nor any other debt that I am aware. They also do not, nor have ever had any social/extracurricular activities outside the home. There is $20k in their checking, and $7k in their savings. There is a problem in the fact that their grocery spending (which is fully controlled by him) is completely out of control! (average: $1,400 per month) and their cigarette spending = average: $600 per month... COMPLETE mismanagement!! Their health costs are minimal. Anyway, after tonight's huge meltdown by him, I have decided it's time to take action, and begin steps in controlling my Mother's income and outcome, and take the necessary steps in getting Her into an appropriate Memory Care Facility. I DO have Medical and Durable POA of my Mom. What steps do I need to take in building a separate bank account for Her? Any action by me in this matter is not expected to go smoothly with him for sure.
Another question is the issue of joint ownership of the house. That's more problematic, especially if she ever does need Medicaid, and since they're co-habiting and not married. I don't know what AZ laws might be on this, or whether it's a community property state. This is an area where a good, qualified elder law attorney is necessary, as Barb suggests (for other issues as well).
She also makes a good point about his possible attempts to withdraw and shield the funds if he suspects you may take action.
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