My parents have enough money for about 5 years of care at an excellent assisted living facility near me. I visit them 2-3 times a week and do not ever want them far from me. Even though they are getting excellent care, I was their primary caregiver and I know what to watch out for. I can catch issues many times before the health care workers do. Plus, mom and dad would be very depressed if they didn't get visitors (our family is mostly the only ones visiting.) All nursing homes in this area are horrid. I have heard horrifying stories of neglect and I don't trust any of them in the area. I was caring for mom and dad at our home until last spring, when their care became overwhelming to the point of exhaustion. I was hiring caregivers, but couldn't find enough to help. Dad is in stage 6 and mom is in stage 5 of ALZ, they have both been diagnosed with it. Dad was diagnosed in 2017 and mom was diagnosed in 2021, although she had it for several years before, but refused to let me take her to get a diagnosis. Dad is in a wheelchair and needs help with almost all ADLs except for eating. Mom needs some ADL assistance, but both are incontinent. Mom broke her back last year, although she can walk with a walker, but with pain.
After 5 years, their money will run out at AL and the assisted living cannot take medicaid funds (law in our state, unfortunately.) The AL has told me they will need to move to a medicaid approved nursing home. I am filled with dread for if/when this day comes, to the point that I have considered bringing them back home so that I can make their money last longer.
This is a horrible question to ask, but I really need to know: Should I be worried about five years from now or can I safely assume they will not be around that long? It matters because it determines my decisions now. I don't care about the inheritance, but I do care that they get good quality care and are not neglected if they run out of money and need to be moved to one of these horrid nursing homes in our area. If I pull them out of AL now, it will be an impossible situation at home caring for them, but at least I can make their money last longer until the point that they are bedridden and can't be cared for any more by me. Mom and dad want to stay together and I'm determined to let them do that. Any thoughts?
“Our” skilled nursing facility was an amazing facility, and even with the horrific strain of coping with Covid, they provided conscientious and humane care for the entire year my LO was there.
In your situation I would take day by day by day rather than thinking in terms of years, and if you are Blessed, as I was, with occasional good/very good days along with the difficult ones toward the end, you will have the privilege of joyfully returning to the latter days of their lives, and remembering their younger days with peace as well.
That is my hope for you. Please be at Peace.
Your folks could start out in Memory Care, then later transfer to Skilled Nursing, so look for a facility that offers both, and make sure they will take Medicaid [different from Medicare] as some places will accept Medicaid after a patient has been self-paying. As for the long drive to visit, remember as dementia gets into those late stages, your parents won't remember if you had visited or not.
I recall my own Mom in Skilled Nursing was so happy to see me and would call me by name. Then I noticed Mom was so happy to see the nurses/aids and would call them by my name... [sigh]
I, too, was worried that my own Dad wouldn't have enough money for self-pay. But nature took its course and Dad passed from something other than dementia less than a year later. One never knows.
You cannot care for the two people at home by yourself. Where they are now, there’s a team. For each of them. You can’t possibly be a team times two. I’ve taken care of parents at home, and even with help, which I had, it’s impossible to sustain for any length of time. And I didn’t have both at once.
Five years down the road, things will be a lot different, if they survive. New facilities will open, your parents will surely have more needs, different needs, the visits they enjoy from relatives may have dwindled. You can reassess as you go along and figure it out that way. In the meantime, keep them where they are.
Are you factoring in annual price increases, too, in that five-year plan?
Have you talked to a financial advisor to see how their money can be put to work to generate more income? Don't leave that money sitting in a savings account earning nothing.
what I found here was there were limited choices of facilities with one year. Better choices with 2 and 3 years of self pay.so this is crucial for you to plan for.
I used an independent care advisor. First an independent that had in home and then they also directed me for placement. When I moved my mom here, a franchise called Care Patrol ( maybe there is one near you) helped me with my mom , also helped me place my in laws . Both were financially bad. A care advisor will know your needs , reputation of facility, availability. Get someone who can meet with you. I tried calling companies who obviously had people looking at a computer.. find someone who will meet with you to discuss future planning.
I would not assume your folks will pass before the five years… MacinCT is correct…