Memory care is $4200-4400 month! My 80 year old Mother has dementia and is getting more confused every day. I’ve looked at several asst living/memory care facilities. They range in price from 2900.00, with added tier fees and flat rates of 3200-3400 a month inclusive, but memory care is another $1000 a month. Each has a non refundable $1000 community fee. These prices are too much. I’m thinking of just having her live with me. What have others done?
In AZ the memory care facilities are in both assisted living and long term care facilities (nursing home/skilled nursing) do tons of research on how your city classifies and names facilities, it is so confusing.
I found out when my dad was in rehab that there are companies that help you find facilities that are within the patients price range. A place for mom wants to place you in the most expensive place and guilt you into paying the amount the patient cannot, I recommend NOT calling them. A local senior advisor will actually take you to tour facilities and help you understand how it works. The facility pays them so it doesn't cost you anything. I would go to a facility and check the waiting room/entrance for a booklet that has senior resources.
Please consider long and hard before moving her in with you.
Hugs! I know how scary, frustrating, overwhelming and confusing all of this is. One day at a time and breathe.
I would not live with my elder - they deserve to have their own lives and I deserve to have mine. They can have their friends, and I can have mine. And there are parts of my loved ones that both of us would rather I not witness, but a paid caregiver would be fine (showering, incontinence issues). I think living apart is a good boundary.
I wouldn't consider moving your mother into your home unless you have had a good relationship over the years and are willing to accept the changes in your life required to be responsible for an adult with limited abilities 24/7. Dementia brings on behaviors that are difficult to accept and live around and your elder is unable to acknowledge or change these behaviors. When there's a contentious relationship prior to the dementia onset, it is much harder to cope with these behaviors. Even when the relationship is good and the care giving is not burdensome, there is an impact on your life when you cannot attend events with friends or family because you need to stay home with your senior.
Sometimes you can find smaller "board and care" or ALs with 6-8 residents that provide more personal care at a reduced rate (compared to traditional ALs). They may not have as many scheduled activities but they provide a safe more home like environment.
When looking at financing AL/MC consider how long your mother could afford the fees and look for one that accepts Medicaid after a period of private pay. We sold our parents' home and drew down on those funds to supplement my father's monthly pension benefits. My mother lives with me and we use her funds for some in home respite care hours that allow me to attend a few evening events with family and friends.
When your mother becomes unable to stay alone at all, she will medically qualify for Medicaid. You will want to look over the financial qualification requirements so she can pass the 5 year look back when that day comes.
A consultation with a good elder law attorney would be a good idea too.
If you think Mom has too much money for Medicaid, you need to structure her income for her to qualify. There is always a way, see an Elder law attorney if necessary.
Here in MN my MIL gets excellent care in a Presbyterian Homes (I think they are non-profit and consider what they do a mission, not just a job). Faith-based facilities are usually better priced and have good care. Medicaid rooms are shared rooms. Most facilities only have 3 or 4 Medicaid rooms because the govt doesn't reimburse them enough for them, hence the waiting list. They are not required to have them. Facilities are being built left and right and now they prices have stabilized a bit and will hopefully start to come down in the next few years.
I know this isn't an easy decision for you but caregiving just gets more and more intense physically, socially and emotionally. Don't assume you'll get a lot of family help or romanticize in-home care in any way.
Based on your profile info, your mother's personality issues will only be amplified when you are with her 24/7 and her mental abilities change. And your husband's health challenges on top of it all? You must also consider the impact it will have on him. I think this should be an "easy" decision for you. Blessings!
During the 3.5 years he lived with us, I saved all of his income to help pay for his future and as those savings became close to being depleted, I was forced to ask the trustee of his Utah home to resign, thus enabling his successor trustee to sell that home, which would have allowed him to pay memory care assisted living costs until he reached 101 years of age. He didn't last that long, but he was kept comfortable, had good care, and I visited him every day.
Qualifying for Medicaid assistance was also investigated as an option and I actually had a plan for that before ultimately choosing a facility that did not accept Medicaid. In many states, I believe including Utah, Medicaid will pay for memory care assisted living as well as for skilled nursing. Also, if your mother is a war-time veteran or if she was married to one, a Utah Veterans home in Ogden or Salt Lake City may be a excellent option for both your mother and yourself.
Best wishes in exploring your options and navigating the many difficult decisions ahead.