My wife gets extremely vexed 3 nights a week when I have 3 meals a week delivered by a service for myself. She says she won’t eat it. I admit that it is not gourmet , and you do not have a choice of menu, but it is a sufficient amount and balanced for nutrition . For 60 years she has been a phenomenal cook. Although she says she cooks now, she doesn’t! I have been cooking and planning for the last 6 months and find I just don’t want to do it anymore. My daughter and I explained what was going to happen and although we didn’t believe her saying that she’ll do her own cooking, we left it at that. I make sure there is food in the house, cook two nights of the week but need to hear her saying what an awful person I am! What have others done?
If she does then she could be sundowning.
Your wife wants to feel useful. I bet cooking for you for 60 years made her happy, and now she can't do that
Make her feel like she is still important to you. And find something in the kitchen she can do.
Set the table , or make you sandwiches.
Best of luck
Best of luck.
You are doing a great job making sure that there's food on the table each night and that is all one can do.
If she doesn't like what's prepared for her one night, just ask her if she'd rather have a bowl of oatmeal or other kind of cereal instead, or even just a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
And if you know that she has a favorite meal, just make sure that occasionally that that meal is being served, even if it has to be ordered from her favorite restaurant.
Again...you're doing a great job. Those of us that have been there done that know how hard this journey is, but I'm here to tell you that this too shall pass and you will survive.
God bless you.
Maybe having meals delivered feels like a big dint to her pride. Her meals may have part of her identity as a housewife, her duty that she performed for many years with skill & love ❤️. Now this task appears easily replaced by a frozen packet 😞
The facts as they are is your wife is not cooking. Maybe she wants to, intends to.. but for whatever reason (memory, fatigue, illness) in reality she just cannot manage it.
But you both must eat. I think you have found a very good solution. (Otherwise it could slide into you cooking all week. This will tire you & lead to resentment).
Meal delivery plus having other easy options available. This affords you both *Dignity of Choice*.
You have chosen meal delivery 3 x week. So far your wife has not.
Maybe make it ok for her to change her mind at any time. Make it no big deal if she does.
Try to keep eating together if you can.
I have found some people prefer an empty plate to being served up a portion. Having food available on platters in the middle they can choose from & fill themself. If you like this idea, maybe serve two meals up plus snacks (eg bread, cheese, fruit) & you both choose. (You may wish to add a 2nd meal incase she does choose yours!)
Offering your wife choices where you can. Hopefully she will adjust & find other tasks surrounding meal times (besides cooking) that make her feel valued & useful. (I love that idea of setting the table).
Wishing you more pleasant meal times going forward from here.
I’d strongly recommend that system.
Mom could still do breakfast and Mom could load the dishwasher after dinner.
On Friday's the lady would prepare dinners for them for the weekend and put them in the frig.
Sunday after church they would go out to lunch. I'm not sure what they did Saturday for lunch.
You could say the food is OK, but nowhere near as excellent as she cooked for so many years! Tell her you want her to take it easy now, she's done so much already.
If so make just a few portions extra.
Freeze the extra portions and have those the next time you do not want to cook.
Doing this might be quite a bit less expensive than the delivered meals.
I do this a LOT in the winter when I make soups and stews a lot more. Real easy to pull out a jar or zipper top bag and heat up a soup.
You could even ask your daughter to prepare 1 or 2 extra meals and add those to your rotation.
It is difficult but try to let what your wife says roll off your back.
My Husband would say he would get to things "when I feel better" or "when I feel stronger" well I knew those days would never come again. I would just say.."Ok, let me know when you want to get to it and I will help you". A lot of things went undone. And it was not worth arguing about.