Momlover123 Asked January 2016
POA has denied me access to my mother's room at the nursing center. Can this be legal?
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Sister has questionable POA that my mother said she didn't sign but nursing center won 't let her sign over POA to me and revoke it from my sister so I can get her in my family home with me and in home care from agency, family, and friends
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Please note that not all elders want to age at home because they know they need a higher level of care than their grown children can provide.... plus they don't want their children to quit outside employment thus not adding to their own retirement fund.
My Dad [94] recently went into Independent Living facility where he can age in place, and he's happy as a clam being there. He actually has more freedom to do what he wants, when he wants, and be around people of his own generation. He's made more new friends in the past 5 days then in the past 10 years living in his house :)
As for the Power of Attorney, was it drawn up by an Attorney and signed by your Mom in front of the Attorney? Was it witnessed by 2 other people [or what is requested by your Mom's State] who are not part of the Will in front of a Notary? It could be your Mom didn't remember signing it as she could be in age decline where her memory might not be as sharp as it once was.
The above just show how difficult it can be to care for someone who is wheelchair bound. It takes a lot of experience which a nursing home has as it isn't their first rodeo, but it is yours.
If you have the time, spend a couple of days full-time 24-hours, if possible, with your Mom at the nursing home to see what is all required. You might be surprised.
There are 125 posts in that thread. Many people dropped out at about post 60, when it became clear that you were not looking for advice, you merely wanted our blessing on what you wanted to do.
That post ended up that you were dropping pursuing this in court because you moved to a larger apartment and you sister agreed to let your mom go live with you.
Apparently that never happened? So from agreeing to let Mom live with you, Sister has now forbidden you to even see your mom -- what has happened to change things so dramatically between August and January?
From the August post it seemed alarmingly clear to many of us that you had no understanding of dementia. In this post you say that "she has no other medical conditions other than the stroke and osteoporosis." Goodness! If you don't even acknowledge that dementia IS a medical condition I cannot imagine how you would begin to cope.
The NH says your mother is a two-person transfer. You insist that you could do it alone. And yet you couldn't really do it with a friend helping.
You keep going on and on about the "forged" POA, when that issue has already been decided by a court of law. They accept it as valid. Your saying it over and over will not change anything.
I truly feel the strength of your love for your mother, and feel sorry for your pain. I sincerely hope that you can regain visitation rights.
Sometimes being at home is a good option for someone with dementia. My husband stayed at home for the 10 years he had dementia, and died in our bedroom. My mother lived with my sister for 14 months, but physical and mental decline made a nursing home a better choice for her. She is doing well and is very content there. It is a case-by-case decision.
In this case it sounds like your mother is where she needs to be. I hope you will redirect your efforts to being able to visit her where she is.
As an Ombudsman, I would be remiss if I advocated placing the patient with family that does not know how to safely transfer them. With hard proof of injury, your opponent has all she needs to prevail in court.
"Better quality of life"? No, you just have an OCD. Get counseling to accept what is instead of defying the rules to the point of injury.
My advice is to stop fussing over all these irrelevant issues. Let go of things you can't control. Focus on the most-likely attainable goal right now: being allowed to visit your mother where she is. See her everyday if you can get permission. That should be the first step.
Expecting to get POA or Partial Guardianship when right now you are not even allowed to see Mom is a huge, huge leap. And doing it yourself without a lawyer? Sorry, Dear, but that ain't gonna happen.
Forget the huge leap. Take the first small step.
I know how much the nursing home where my mom is and the assisted living facility where my daughter works LOVE for their residents to have visitors, especially family.
The NH staff keeps coming up to us to tell us how much they appreciate our interest in our mother. At least one of us attends every care conference. We attend activities where help might be needed. We bring treats for the staff. We are respectful, even when we need to bring some shortcoming to their attention. We contribute prizes for the bingo games. Mom is in the level of care she needs. We certainly have not abandoned her. We are perhaps more actively involved in her day-to-day life than we have been for years. And the staff welcomes us with open arms. For you to not be welcome says to me something has gone horribly wrong. I do not believe that you don't have some accountability for that attitude.
Your mother is where she needs to be. Your sister has cared for her for 30 years. She knows her very well. The fact that she wants Mother in a nursing home says a lot. How about you accept that, and work with your mother where she is? How about doing what you need to do to start over and build a good relationship with the people who take care of your mother day to day?