I’m sure you’ve all seen some of my posts on here. Unfortunately, things are changing for the worse. My grandfather will be coming home this weekend on hospice after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Doctors have decided that chemo will be more hurtful on his body than helpful. On top of all his other issues.
Anyone have experience caring for someone with pancreatic cancer/cancer?
I'm not even sure if I’m really looking for advice. Maybe I’m just looking to tell people who understand what I’m going to be dealing with. Idk.
I cared for my dad who went from liver cancer diagnosis to death in six weeks. The key is keeping the pain under control. My dad had no real pain, but some do. Hospice will give you morphine -- don't be afraid to give it to him.
It's exhausting work, even with two people, so get as much help as possible. If the hospice people aren't receptive to phone calls and questions, don't hesitate to get a new one. They'll coordinate the changeover with the company you fire. I had to do that with Dad first hospice providers (Vitas), so you might have to as well. You're supposed to be a team, and if they don't treat you like a team member, then find a company that will. If you call, they should answer the phone.
He was emphatic that he did not want to die at home. In the state that I live in, there are cultures that will not buy a house if they know that someone previously has died in it.
In the last days of his life in the hospital, they attempted dialysis, however, his blood pressure dropped too much for them to do a full session. His liver was slowly failing. By this time, he was too weak to get out of bed so he had a bedpan. Once we realized there was nothing more medical science could do, they tried different drugs to ease the discomfort (he said it wasn't painful, just uncomfortable) and tried to get him to accept comfort care, so that he could be given the stronger drugs. He did NOT want comfort care. At one point, they gave him morphine, however, he seemed to be running away from something as he was saying "go away" and "no no, don't do that to me" while he was on it. So I suggested to my SIL that they don't do morphine due to the scary hallucinations. He died within a week after the last try at dialysis. Actually, he was barely able to talk for the last 1.5 days, yet still refusing comfort care and consented to comfort care only the last 8 hours of his life.
On advice from my Aunt, she believed that people do have a little say upon when they really do pass. She suggested we give him updated status on everything going around him as it is happening regardless of whether he appeared to be sleeping or not, and ensure that we give him permission to die. The day he passed, I had told him that I officially completed filing some papers for him. Later that day, he accepted comfort care and that night, he passed.
For me, I'm glad he passed as quickly as he did. The amount of discomfort that he had, seemed unbearable to me. He described it as always feeling like you needed to go to the bathroom and the feeling of being too full, yet there was nothing to pass.
My mother is very hard of hearing and he was her favorite child (we already knew she had dementia at this point). I pulled out a PSAP that we used for a different reason, and had my brother talk into it while the ear plugs were in my mother's ears. He actually joked with her and my mother could hear what my brother said to her. My mother has taken his death very well. I don't know what he said to her, but whatever it was, it must have been very comforting to her.
In both cases, hospice was invaluable.