My husband and I are invited out to relative homes for Thanksgiving. We had two invites, one is locally in our hometown and the other is out of town, where we may have to spend the night. My husband has parkinson disease, dementia and incontinence. He sometimes get up through the night using the bathroom and he does have a habit of wandering at night time. His doctor placed him on new drugs for hallucination and it is helping. He has been on the new drug for a month now. I just wanted to know should he spend the night in a strange place or if so, what will be the best tips you can provide me if he does stay overnight in a different house? The last time he was admitted in the hospital he did not do well because he became confused and was ready to go home. Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks. Statewise.
In the end, though, you need to do as you mentioned and decide the pros and cons for yourself. You know your husband, your relatives and yourself.
Best wishes for you no matter what you decide. We'll be thinking of you. If you have a chance, we'd love to hear back from you to see how your holiday went.
Blessings,
Carol
My husband had the kind of dementia your loved one does. He did not have continuous incontinence but did have accidents. He was high-functioning and fairly coherent most of the time. He definitely did not do well in hospitals but he was a good traveler. During his ten-year journey with the disease he stayed in friends' homes, relatives' homes, hotels, a national park lodge, a sleeper car on a train, and a cruise ship. I'm sure he couldn't have done any of these things alone, but as long as I was with him he was fine. His neurologist approved of and in fact encouraged these experiences. [Note: the kind of brain damage in this type of dementia is different than, say, Alzheimer's, and I don't know what the doctor would have advised for different kinds of dementia.] All of the people we visited were very comfortable with my husband's impairments.
My mother lived with my sister for a year during mid-stage dementia. To give that sister respite I and another sister each had mom for a long weekend each month. Mom had very good relationships with all her daughters and in her prime she would love staying at our houses. But it was clear that the twice-a-month trips made her anxious and increased her confusion. For her it was a relief when she could stay put in the nursing home and have each of us visit her weekly.
I guess what I'm saying, statewise, is that one size does not fit all when it comes to what is best for persons with dementia. You need to consider carefully what your husband can deal with and also your own needs and do your best to decide what will work for you. Once you decide, DON'T second-guess yourself. Don't feel guilty if things don't work out. Do your best, learn from each experience, and move on.
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