The nursing home is holding my Mother "hostage" with a POA that was forged. Any help?

First, is your mother competent in the legal sense? Has she ever been declared incompetent? That would be required for guardianship. Did the court appoint someone else guardian? If there is no guardian, the court must not be convinced she is incompetent.

If she is competent then she can simply say "I don't want this daughter to be my POA any more. I want to appoint someone else." End of problem.

Why do you want to take your mother home with you? Often that is a bad idea for persons in a nursing home. You don't mention that you can't visit her at the NH. Do you do that frequently? Can you take her down the road for an ice cream cone, if you have her back within the hour? Just what are the restrictions here?

It sounds like you are trying to remove your mother from the NH permanently. Are you? Sneaking her out on the pretext of "visiting" at your home is not likely to be successful.

Did you have a lawyer helping you when you filed for guardianship? Because it sounds like you need a lawyer now. Straighten out the questions of whether Mother is still competent, who has what kind of authority over her care, and who can decide whether nursing home care is appropriate for her. If she is competent, she cannot be held against her will, and a lawyer and take action on the aspect of the case.

Personally, I wonder if your efforts might better be directed to advocating for her care where she is -- at least until legal issues are settled. For example, why did she not get therapy after the stroke? Is she a good candidate for therapy at this time? Pursue that. What does the NH think is causing the rapid weight loss? What are they doing about it? (What would you do about it if you got her to your house?)

Is there any chance of you and Sister working together in your mother's best interest?

In any case, there are legal issues here that you should consult an Elder Law attorney about.

I am one year younger than my sister and I have raised a 26 year old son, but my sister as no confidence in my ability to care for my mother. My mother is so unhappy and living like a invalid while she is only wheel chair bound. I am willing to provide (Mom's social security benefits and Medicaid) home care services for my Mom while I work, and take care of her in the evenings and weekends as she doesn't require much care while content looking at TV, eating, and staying clean as she will participate in more activities with me like going to church, shopping, hair salon, therapy, theatre (all wheel chair accessible in my neighborhood within a 4 block radius) etc. My mother is only taking calcium supplements and stool softeners, but living like an invalid. She is refused humane help to the toilet by the nurse saying she has no trunk control, but the male CNAs are highly capable of sitting her on the toilet and she braces herself on the bar and sink. I represented my self pro se and the Paraisia Winston Gray Esq (court appointed guardian) told my mother she was going to be released to me Monday, August 17, 2015 and then abruptly changed her mind when my sister called her with a POA with a forged signature (substitute Judge insisted that it wasn't forged even though it did not match my mother's birth certificate signature of my birth) and it was dated 2010 notary expiration and supposedly signed by my mother July 7, 2007 after my right-handed mother suffered a severe stroke that left her partially paralyzed on the right side and she has osteoarthritis - that's all - with mild dementia or forgetfulness. Elder Law here will not give you an attorney, but I am still pursuing pro bono lawyers or law school student representation. I have appealed the judges decision to honor my sister's POA that is stopping me from taking my Mom for a drive, visit, or home if my sister does not approve it. Does my mother have to be in front of a Judge to renounce the POA or can she renounce it in front of NH administration? My mother wants desperately to come home with me, but my sister keeps persuading her not to come home with me. My sister put my Mom in a NH after the city closed her building down, October 2014, for building code violation and it's inhabitable with no utilities, dilapidation, and infestation (when I lived their from about 1996 to 2006) My sister continues to say my Mom will be out of the NH but it never happens. She received therapy for a while in the NH, but I don't know how much therapy my sister planned for her after the stroke in about 2005. My sister refuses to get a full-time job so she can provide needed services for my mother and renovate her building to provide even standard living conditions for my Mom as I told the substitute Judge but she ignored me and only observed the POA while refusing to even look at my mother's legitimate signature. NH therapists said my mother has every potential to walk, but my sister said she will never walk again and my Mom has not had therapy for months. A nurse stopped me from taking my mother for a visit after she had approved and signed a pass the CNAs were putting my Mom in the car and she cell phoned them and lied and said my Mom needed medicine but she had called my sister to start a conflict with the POA after I told her the Head Nurse said they did not have one on file and I had the same rights as my sister. My mother was very hurt and disappointed that she could not go on a ride with me. According to the Report of Physician for court
Friday, August 21st my mother is not declared mentally incompetent at this time and she only needs partial guardianship for medical and financial decisions. Rapid weight loss is due to not eating the NH food she does not like according to the Report of Physician. She is so depressed before I come see her. She desperately needs the love of family. I thank God my sister provided for my Mom for 30 years along with her 3 girls and a son who died (settlement was not used to renovate home and care for my mother) in 2000 from over dosage of saline solution when he got sick, but she is stubborn and won't get a 9 to 5 job to support her family after a divorce (never filed for child support to offset my mothers expenses) in the early 90s. If I got my mother to my home it would be HEAVEN as I still feel her overwhelming nurturing and love even though my father divorced her when I was 13.

If your mom can't get to the bathroom herself then she can't be left alone all day while you work.

Continued...After the prankster nurse lied and said my mother needed medicine by cell phone as the CNAs were preparing to put my mother in the car and she had actually called my sister to upset her about her POA and my sister faxed her the (prankster nurse who prepared my mother to go home and I had signed my mother out with a pass and sign out book) Judge's decision to honorthe POA that caused a dismissal and discharge of my guardianship petition. I told the nurse and administration that my sister did not have guardianship, only POA for medical and finance, and she does not have the right to take away my mother's civil liberties to come and go as she pleases. I insisted that my mother be allowed to go on the ride or I would call the authorities to settle her being kept against her will. The administration insisted that my sister had the right to stop her from going with me with a POA. My sister said she didn't know that I was just taking her for a ride as the troublemaking prankster nurse did not tell her even though that's how I had signed her out. My sister was afraid I was taking my mother home to stay since I seeked guardianship in court the day before. Much earlier the SW told me that he wanted my sister to agree when I took her but he was absent Friday and Saturday and I couldn't tell him about the Head Nurse giving me approval Friday evening. Friday, after court my sister accused me of coaching my mother to go with me while I put my mother on the phone to ask her after my Mom asked me. My mother and I were praying for her to come home with me since Tuesday when the court appointed guardian lied and said that my Mom would be released to me Monday. My Mom has not been informed of her civil rights and liberties to come and go as she pleases. So, I asked the head nurse on duty that evening and she said my sister didn't have a POA in the system and I had just as much right to take my mother on a visit as she did. Now, the NH will not even allow my sister to approve me taking my mother out just because I disagreed with the decision that violated my mother's rights as my sister has no guardianship. NH said they are scheduling an administrative meeting according to my sister and NH will not allow her to approve me taking my mother out because I told them I would call the authorities to settle the matter. My sister said they called the authorities on me because I said I was going to call the authorities on them. Now, I am able to visit my Mom, but I am not allow to take her out and NH is holding her against her will.

This NH has no protocol for home visits.

As noted above, if your mom is competent, she can simply change POA over to you.

In your shoes, I think I'd be bringing mom stuff she likes to eat, and ice cream, for a treat, so that she keeps her weight up.

Good luck with the nh meeting.

I am amazed that you don't want her to stay in the nursing home. Where have you been these last years when mom was apparently living in a home dilapidated enough to be condemned by the city?

Make peace with your sister. Stop the drama. As long as your mom's POA has been deemed valid in a court of law, you are not going to be able to effect change. Further, to say you KNOW it's not valid because her signature doesn't match her signature on your birth certificate -- after you tell us yourself she had a debilitating stroke -- is ludicrous.

Visit your mom at the nursing home. Nurture her presence there so she can bloom and grow within that atmosphere. Let her see all kinds of smiling young faces around her every day. Get three nutritious meals a day...sometimes an ice cream snack come afternoon. Attend entertainment programs...socialize as much or as little as she'd like with her peers...be helped by people who are well rested, young and strong.

Find your bliss by being the salt-and-pepper in mom's life instead of the main course. Stop fighting. Accept the findings and limits of this meeting and wake up every morning thinking about how you can make your mom's live just a little sweeter.

Bring her flowers. An occasional pretty all wrapped up with a lively bow. A plant for her room. A pretty nightlight. Some beautiful lotions and soaps. Attend some of the special programs at the nursing home with her. Bring five milk shakes one day and pass them around. Be kind and appreciative of the nursing staff...ALL the staff.

In short, love your mom by helping her fit in. She's safe there. Now love her, not by fighting tooth and nail with everybody in the place, but by helping her adjust.

I agree with Maggie. Love and support her where she is.

Wow.. so to summarize your mom is 88 with mild dementia, in a wheel chair that requires large men to lift her on to the toilet, with arthritis... and you are fighting to get her out of the nursing home? Do you really know what you would be in for if you brought her home? Sounds like she would require 24/7 care.

she said she was prepared to give it

Mom is not happy. She wants to come home with me. I will change her and get her home care during the day with her Social Security and Medicaid. She deserves more quality of life than a nursing home. She's not an invalid. I can at least try to improve her quality of life.

"She needs partial guardianship for medical and financial decisions". Isn't her level of care (nh vs home) a medical decision?

Okay, so you're going to need say 10 hours a day of aide care while you're at work. Where I live, that translates into 250. $ day, 5 days a week, assuming that you are "on duty" 24/7 on weekends. That's 1250$ a week, or 60,000$ per year. And it doesn't factor in any respite. Does mom have that level of SS funds?

I guess what I'm saying is, I think that this is a bad idea. I would invest myself in getting her PT first at the nh. If she becomes more mobile, home care becomes more doable.

even if you do find it hard, I do understand the POA situation; my dad's grandson did tell dad's home care people he had it, although he didn't even have any documentation and they didn't ask for any but if they had, if he'd given them any it would have had to have been forged because I had it; that is, unless my dad would have signed another one, which I am concerned about did happen with your mom since something was said about her having dementia, though not sure I see where that came from, since my dad did as well but something I don't understand if she supposedly had it as long as she did, who signed her into the nursing home?

About the POA that was "forged" in July of 2007. For a Notary to sign it he or she has to either know your mother or ask for a picture ID (often they ask for ID even if they know you) and then has to watch while your mother signs it. This is why the court would have a very hard time accepting a claim of forgery. BTW, does your mother claim she never signed it?

You can see that representing yourself has not been very successful for you so far. I urge you to hire a lawyer whose specialty is Elder Law. (I don't expect anyone will "give" you a lawyer.)

Perhaps this will be resolved at an administrative meeting. Let us know how that comes out.

My mother is in a nursing home. Very few of the residents there are invalids. If they can get out of bed at all, they are taken in wheelchairs to the entertainment, crafts, bingo -- anything they might have an interest in. With people living so much longer these days the population of a nursing home is far different than a care place for invalids (although of course they do that, too.)

Babalou do you really think my sister paid $1250/wk for 30 years. She found ways with her family to keep my mother living since my mother was 58 years old. God bless you for your comment and wisdom. No level of care issue in terms of quality of life restrictions except she's in wheelchair after a stroke years ago and bone loss. She was attending regular doctors visits living with my sister, not a NH, until October, 2014 - still has a doctor at NH and hospital.
The POA takes away her civil liberties when she has a child that's willing to provide caregiving services and take her around the city in a wheel chair to experience a more fulfilled life with family love. Mom said she didn't sign anything, and since she had a stroke in about 2005, how could she neatly sign a POA in 2007. It reads "POWER OF ATTORNEY" - centered, bold, and underline in caps. I, .xxxxxxx xxxxxxx of xxxx xxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx, xxxxxxxx, xxxxxxxx 606xx, Social Security Number xxx-xx-xxxx, being of sound mind, do hereby appoint y daughter, xxxxx x xxxxx, as my Power of Attorney for all of my personal, financial, medical and legal matters, beginning on today, Saturday, July 7, 2007. This appointment shall remain in force until I, in writing, rescind it.

Signed,
xxxxxxx xxxxxxx Date July 7, 2007

xxxx
County
On this 7th day of July A.D. 2007, in my presence, Roberta Boulden, known to me (or made known for me by satisfactory evidence) to be the woman who signed and sealed the foregoing instrument and acknowledged to me that she executed the same for the purpose and consideration therein expressed.

xxxxxx x xxxxxx
Notary

My notary expires 6/16/10
(Sear below expiration)


.

Typos "y" is my. and "Sear" is Seal.

Mom's report of physician reads that only partial guardianship is recommended for medical and financial decisions.

My sister stopped Mom's therapy and said she would never walk again. The PT said Mom has every potential to walk again. I was then referred to two other PTs in the NH and one never got back to me after the first PT referred me to her and the other had no idea of the stage of my Mom's PT as she thought my Mom should be standing since October 2014, but she talked to the CNAs and they told her she wasn't standing and they were still helping her to the bed, moreover my mother has trunk control and holds the rail and sink when she goes to the bathroom, but understaff does not appear to allow her the services she needs or they don't want to take her to the toilet. In any case my mother deserves PT and everyone wants to age in place in home and community.

God bless you Babalou for suggesting PT, but it's just not happening there. I can see to it at my home.

Jeanne Gibbs God bless you for your concern. My Mom said she didn't sign anything and she's not going to sign anything, but she doesn't understand if she doesn't renounce the POA that I can't take her home on visits or to live. She wanted to go back home with my sister, but my sister can't afford to fix her home and bring it up to code and even inhabitable. My Mom said she didn't sign any Power of Attorney and she doesn't even know what POA means.

Jeanne Gibbs the Head Nurse was suppose to get back to me yesterday. I called twice and I was on the premises visiting my mother, usually daily, but I did not here from the Head Nurse as I was there from morning to afternoon. I will let you know what the administration decides.

I feel my sister was negligent in the way she cared for my mother by not getting a 9 to 5 job and keeping her building up to code and standard living conditions. However God will always bless her for the 30 years she sacrificed for our mother. I don't want to be the devil's advocate, but I just feel her quality of life could have been better, but if my sister hadn't taken her in she would be homeless and possibly dead.

My sister said the NH has called the police on me because I had said I would call the authorities on them - after I signed the pass and signed her out they abruptly took my mother back to the NH while the CNAs were putting her in my car and my mother's nurse lied and said my mother needed her medicine when not 10 minutes ago my mother's nurse from 7:00am to 300 pm told me she had all her medicine for the day. My Mom was very hurt and disappointed after her nurses prank as I asked her nurse a few times within 2 calls if everyone had approved my mother's visit and pass. My mother's nurse had called my sister after she had approved the pass to start a conflict with my sister and I.as the SW suggested that my sister be notified before I took my Mom for a visit, but my Mom's nurse had lied to me and said everyone had approved my Mom's visit with me. Moreover, my Mom's AM nurse did not tell my sister that I was just taking my mother for her a ride as this nurse had just approved my mother's pass. So, my sister got furious over my Mom possibly going to live with me without her permission after the court ruled in favor of her POA the day before as my sister faxed the order and POA to my mother's prankster nurse. I got furious over my mothers civil liberties to come and go as she pleases. This happened Saturday, 8/22/15. I also have an issue with my mother's nurse taking my mothers belongings and leaving her bed locks off when I had to catch her to keep her from falling July 9th.

Maggie Marshall God bless you for your concern and brother's keeper mentality. My mother is not happy and I keep going to see her every day and it's costly as I pay for transportation, and she doesn't always eat the NH food and she's losing weight that's unhealthy at the rate she loses it. She has lost about 20 lbs in about 2 months at one time - from 144 to 124. Most of her life she has been about 180lbs I believe. I lived with my Mom from 1996 to about 2007 but after paying my sister 10 years for rent she still refused to get a 9 to 5 job that would allow her to care for my mother and her family. Babalou's comment referring to finances is right in that my sister couldn't afford to pay $1,250/wee for care, so she may not have been able to get a 9 to 5 job. Thank you, I never thought of that that way before, even though a 9 go 5 could have helped her pay for home care while she worked, cared for family, received child support, Mom's social security, Medicaid, settlement from son's death, and my rent for 10 years (apartment used for storage for about the last 8 years).

Katie Kay I know what I am in for and it's why I am a woman o a man is a man as we experience and mature throughout life. I have to nurture and care for my mother and return the years I was dependent on her motherhood. My mother is wheelchair bound and one person assist daily even though the NH insists she is 2 person assist. I can handle 124lbs and I have family to help me.

Maggie Marshall my sister has had control over my Mom for 30 years and my sister dictates what she does and has done or not done for 30 years. My sister is the reason why my Mom is not homeless and living today, but now that my Mom's in a NH I feel it's time for me to take over and give my Mom a family back.

The fact that your mom says she doesn't know what a POA is and says she won't sign anything for you suggests to me that she has diminished mental capacity. A person who can't understand a POA can't grant one.

Who is being appointed guardian for medical and financial decisions?

I would work on getting mom to a place where PT can happen. I would also stop referring to the nurse as a " prankster nurse". That sort if name calling is beneath you.

Babalou my sister is appointed personal, medical, and finance for POA. No no is appointed guarardian, but my sister threatens to get guardianship if I keep trying to get my Mom out of the NH. My Mom begged to come home with me but the NH SW and assistant SW said she did not want to go with me and they would not listen to her in my presence. I stay with her from 11 am to 6 pm yesterday and many days and she was begging me to take her with me when I left yesterday.

I have created a portfolio for my Mom that includes a table of contents with her history, photos (picture above, father's obituary and legacy, mother-myself-son, one-person assist, trunk strength on toilet, sitting up in chair), caregiver information, aging in place chart with Su to Sa and 21 activities from AM-PM-EVG on Velcro, proof of forged signature with birth certificate, building violations, and court papers for guardianship. It's very difficult to get legal representation for a contested guardianship case and the free legal services said they wouldn't even help me with the legal papers if it was contested.

I am amazed that you don't want her to stay in the nursing home. Where have you been these last years when mom was apparently living in a home dilapidated enough to be condemned by the city?

Maggie I urged my sister for years to get a full-time job and stop the get rich quick schemes but she refused saying that she will not work for anyone but herself. She has lost her business due to owner selling and she has been looked over for promotion due to family business, but this is still no reason not to get a full-time job to support her aging mother and building. She's blessed to earn a building and let it go.

Momlover123, after reading all of yoir posts, I understand why the courts denied you guardianship of your mother. You are ill-prepared to properly care for your mother in your home. You are oblivious to the amount and cost of care your mother will require. I commend you for wanting to care for your mom in your home. Yoir mom is better off where she is with yoi visiting regularly.