82 y/o widowed FIL has lived with us for last year. He guilted my husband into letting him stay with us "for a while" as soon as we purchased a home that had a guest bedroom. Prior to living with us he alternated from living in his van to sleeping on daughters couch. Then the van died.
He has poor money management, and gives his daughter money constantly. Between work & veteran pension, and SS he makes about 40k a year but has nothing to show for it. I'm at the beginning of the process of figuring out how to relocate him. My husband wont deal with it (as much as he can't stand him) and I feel it is left to me. He wont even bring up the subject with him, probably because of the expense. Aid and Attendance seems like a daunting process and I don't have his consent to apply. I don't know if he will qualify since he is on the independent side. He walks with a cane, bathes and feeds himself (microwaved food or what we cook) and is forgetful but not demented.
I've told him that he needs to stop giving his daughter money because he will need it for himself. My husband did not have a happy childhood yet feels an obligation to let him stay here vs. homelessness. The man can be charming and nice but hes also a master manipulator and lies constantly. He is perfectly content living with us. We both work full time and do not want to be caretakers. We're in Central Fl
As to getting him to move out, short of moving him out bodily I cannot imagine. He lives there and he is not demented. You can give him a date that he has to leave, but what if he doesn't leave???? What would you do in that instance?
Once you have an elder move in with you it is exceptionally difficult to get them to move out. Looked at from their own point of view, why would they do that?
I sure do wish you good luck. It is time for you and your husband to sit down first and come to some conclusions as to what you are willing to do, what your husband will insist upon. and then sit with your father and discuss the options open to him.
Your sister isn't a part of this; what your father does with his money isn't really a part of it either, though there will be serious impact upon his options doing what he is doing.
Sorry to be so "tough love" about this, but I cannot see any option other than being absolutely frank that you wish him to leave your home. Period. So sorry. A sad and tough time that nothing can really make "right" or even good.
3,300.00 monthly is more than enough to live on.
If he insists on giving his money to his daughter, I would make it clear the he is part and parcel of any money, take his funds, you get him. Period.
VA A&A is based on need. It is daunting to get and there must be actual proof of need. My dads roommate actually had to put himself in a financial situation with care that wouldn't allow him to be able to pay his bills before he qualified and he was a disabled vet and mostly blind.
So this might not be your solution but, it sounds like a senior apartment complex is totally doable on his income and he can afford assistance with cleaning and meals.
The A&A may vary, too, in what you receive depending on your need.
"Independent living" as such is expensive. It does include meals, activities and transportation. Its usually part of a community where you transition from IL to an AL and then skilled nursing.
There should be low income housing where you live. If he was in the service long enough, he should be able to use the VA for Drs and Hospitalizations. There are probably other benefits he can get. Your husband needs to get his head out of the sand. He owes this man nothing. If you don't find him a place to live, you will be his caregivers.