My husband and I decided to try to get some help with bathing MIL. I have not been very successful doing it myself. The agency we called of course wants 8 to 12 hours per week in 4 hour blocks. My husband decided to have them come in the evening so we can go out. This is making me nervous. Having a stranger in my home unsupervised except for mom. Advice anyone?
Thanks to all.
As for learning to trust them, you just have to take time and learn to trust them. Start out by being at home at the same time. See if it works out. If it does then go from there.
So I guess at this point, the problem lies more with him than MIL. 😕
i suggest you put off date nights until you find one that’s self motivated and respects your home and your mom likes or even enjoys. . It may take one or 5 but you’ll learn as you go as well. Clorox wipes instead of pure bleach, for instance. Small lists of chores done each visit vs once a week. There are very good ones out there. If your mom is able to give feedback that’s the most helpful in deciding. They are not slaves nor should they be treated as such but small things to keep them busy will make the team a well oiled machine. Be realistic, 4 hours can go slow if everything is done so companion care is a fallback, playing cards, reorganizing drawers, chatting about common interests is fine too. I have mine take him to store and prepare 3 days of sandwiches or lunches each visit , you get the point.
I knew a couple who had caretakers,, not sure if they were with so n so corp., but the one person sued, and couple lost their home...
So ask her doctor for hospice evaluation... This will get someone out 2x a week for bathing. It can't hurt to ask dr or health insuramce about that stuff.
Stay for 15 to 20 minutes for first two times to cover issues that arise - don't always arrive back at same time - make a professional environment with that person[s] so that they feel they are a part of your team but also if it makes you more comfortable secure any truly valuable items [probably not necessary but if it helps you do it] -
FYI ... they are not going to go through your cupboards & rate you on how 'good' they look so what is really your problem? - given the work they need to do then the most will happen will be that they actually finish with enough time to sit down & call family members -
98% are just wanting to do their job & get home but there might be that other 2 % to deal with .... so do you want to ignore a chance to get out 'just in case' or do you want to make the most of chances put in front of you ..... your choice!
If you find someone you are comfortable with who is bonded and insured, it is a good idea to stick around for the first few visits to feel it it's a good fit for your loved one. Some agencies offer a "home review" where the owner or one of the office workers comes to your house to give you tips on home safety before you get started. They will review the living situation and give helpful tips about potential trip hazards, safety issues, and security issues that you might not have noticed. For instance, throw rugs, pets, and appliance cords are often mentioned. Bank statements, mail, and bills are often left out in the open as well.
Once you start feeling comfortable with the person (or a few different people) , you can leave and run errands, attend events, and catch up with friends, but I would strongly suggest surprise "pop in" visits when the caregiver is not expecting you. You might say you forgot your wallet or sunglasses, if you feel a need to give a reason for your unannounced drop-in. There is usually a four hour minimum because the worker has drive time and paperwork to fill out for every visit; those are just a couple of reasons for that minimum. Do not lend money or give valuables to any caregivers; they will only ask for more, and it leads to an uncomfortable relationship. I'm just giving you tips for prevention. An ounce of prevention is MORE than worth a pound of cure for sure!!
Thanks all.
Highly recommend using a home care helper from a trusted source.
I would like to know where you can get some cloud cams. you can leave me a message and hop that I see it.
Thanks
Just try one and see. Good aides are worth their weight in gold. It’s a very transitional market. Their pay is very low.
If by any reason you don't feel that they are a good fit, either with you and/or DH (because it is YOUR house) or with MIL, make sure you let the Agency know. I lost count of how many emails I sent the agency about Caregivers that just were not a match! Most of the time I would give a feedback email the first time, but if the behavior continued or we got new things that didn't work, that was it...scratched off the list of acceptable caregivers to be scheduled. We lucked out with a few of them that were amazing and established a great relationship with my mother. But some people take the job of caregiving without having the proper calling for it! Or maybe is personality match problems. You will go through a few before you find the right match.
Your house, your rules...some aids are used to just going to the clients house, not family members, and can get things confused as to what they can or should do. Establish a clear care plan, cameras are your friend, locked doors if you will be leaving them alone are also a good idea. Labels are also your friend...I had to separate and label snack bins so they stopped taking my son's school snacks!
Best of luck! And practice deep breathing...you may need it!
also the caregiver may have questions and/or you will need to give her information and guidance on the care.
I would not have anyone in the house unsupervised until I was absolutely sure that they were competent, treated your MIL the way she and you like and is trustworthy.
Four hour minimum for companion service. Companion helped with toilet issues and cleaning Luz after, either prepared foods or snacks, helped her eat when necessary. Other than reminder Luz to take meds on her own or inform me when she did not. The companion would keep the areas around Luz clean and organized.
The bath aid would be here for about an hour and was paid for by medicare. That is the was it was requested and scheduled by rehab upon release from rehab.
The only thing we needed an aids medical assistance on was applying the wound cream after the bath. The visiting nurse did the eval on the wound.
Leaving her alone with the companion did take some getting used to and I did worry the entire time I was out of the house.
All in all this worked for us. I hope you find the assistance you need but shop around and ask questions.
Since you are concerned about new people in your home that will be "unsupervised". Consider having a trial period for each of the caregiving members. Stay home and observe their care of your MIL. They should provide the hands-on care in a way that preserves MIL's dignity and with gentleness. The care should be thorough. They should speak respectfully to her and you. They should engage in polite conversation with MIL and never talk about their own troubles or ask for money. As for their evening period, I suggest they come early enough to provide all the necessary evening care (should be at least 1 hour's worth) and stay until she is asleep, longer if she tends to get up at night or has problems settling. You need to decide with your hubby if you want caregivers to cook and feed her dinner... with or without you present.
As you come to know these folks, go out for short periods and arrive home "unannounced". You'll see if the caregiving is consistent, whether you are there or not. As your comfort improves by seeing consistency, you may feel more comfortable to regain your usual evening schedule with your husband - including evenings out.
There has to be more than one agency around - check the others. IF this is standard for your area, then I would do as others suggested - get used to the person before leaving them alone with MIL and trust your inner instincts. If they seem competent and productive, then start slowly with going out and see how it goes.
Having wi-fi cameras installed is useful, so you can monitor things when you are not there. If the care-giver(s) are aware of them, they might be more apt to be useful...
Since their weekly minimum is 8 hours, with 4hr blocks, 2/week would give you some "respite", which isn't a bad thing - just observe for a while and when you feel more comfortable with them being there, then go out.
Hooey. Go to a different agency.
Are you in a terribly remote location so that the aides would have to drive miles and miles to get to you or something, though?
But in any case - don't scoot out of the door the second the aide turns up! Give the relationship a little while to develop, then go out for short periods, before you leave them to cope on their own.
We just have to try it out and see how it goes I guess.
Thanks.
I cut the second one loose, as she’s doing almost nothing anyhow, and I’m over the hump, getting stronger, now that the post-op complications have been handled.
If for no other reason, go through an agency, to protect yourselves legally.