The NH my dad has been in since late September, is generally fantastic. I don't actually have many complaints on his care. He's always clean, freshly dressed, never wet, they tidy him up if he makes a mess at a meal. Most of the nurses are attentive and kind. And there are only a few aides that make me nervous. So that's not my problem, today.
My problem is this... gossip in the dining room among staff, gossip from a couple aides when they're helping my dad. He's mostly all there mentally and, maybe for lack of anything to talk about, he tells my mom and I what he heard the staff gossip about at lunch. We've heard that the aides are nervous because the NH is hiring per diem staff, we've heard that first shift aides do not like second shift aides (even suggesting one of them is causing injuries) and vice versa, we've heard about bickering between aides over who got a fifty-cent raise and who didn't. We even heard one aide, his favorite first shift aide, respond to the fact that someone else left his call button out of reach with "some people are just not even worth it."
This makes me uncomfortable, him hearing these things that could cause him to not trust the people he has to rely on.
But... am I making a mountain out of a molehill?
Or should we talk to someone about this? And who? We're new at this.
Another thing is that I do his laundry and, the day after Christmas, I was four pairs of pants, four white tees, four shirts and... one pair of socks. They weren't changing his socks unless it was bath/shower day and that, to me, seems not quite right. I think it was his favorite first shift aide, who got the fifty-cent raise mind you. He says he didn't tell her I noticed that, but his socks have been changed every day since. And now... she's offered to do his laundry.
And I'm confused.
So, basically, from all of you have been through this before... when do you say something? How do you know when something is worth saying? My mom's offered to talk to people, and he's always said "I have to live with this people" and I get that so... any help?
And I hope your New Years are merry and bright!
If you are happy with the SNF in general, I'd let that issue alone if it were me. Care givers are always going to talk among themselves, as inappropriate as it may be.
Happy New Year to you, too!
I would let it be for now, as for the laundry why not let the home do it, no reason for you to do it.
Sometimes we need to let go, and, just worry about keeping our side of the street clean.
My mom and I are trying to vary the times we go too, because everybody's commented about how my dad's so lucky we go so often... now we want to keep everybody on their toes.
And one aide did tell me how other NHs in the area pay more for CNAs like her and I was thinking "couldn't get a job there, huh?"
The rest of it is just immature chatter from people that don't like their jobs. Let it go.
It is good that he is getting clean socks everyday now, but realize that the offer to take over his laundry could be a move to cover that he is not getting clean clothes everyday.
I would bet that your dad enjoys the gossip and having something interesting to share with you all. Let him have his fun and listen for red flags, like call buttons being intentionally set out of reach.
personally this isn’t a hill I’d chose to die on. The staff is going to talk to each other. Sure it sounds like they may be having some discussions in front of residents that they probably shouldn’t be. But in the grand scheme of things, this isn’t something I would lodge a complaint about. The laundry & changing him, that on the other hand is something you should address.
The thing is: they shouldn't be doing it, certainly. It will be in their codes of conduct, they will have been lectured about it, every so often Management will send out memos warning people about disciplinary offences yadayadayada. But all of these principles around corporate confidentiality and professional boundaries are more honoured in the breach than the observance. You won't stop the background chatter by bringing what you've learned to anyone's attention, but you might get somebody fired.
If it happens in your hearing, you can look the person in the eye and say, in a friendly, humorous way: "should you be telling me this?"
The socks, the socks. Sigh. I expect what happens is that they ask your father if he wants clean socks, and not wanting to create work he says no. He may even say "no, they were clean on only yesterday." Try to train him to say "yes please :)" and take it as a matter of course.
IF you decide there is something that you SHOULD say then names and details should stay out of it, just that your Dad repeats lots of stuff he hears as gossip as folks are working together with him. That likely he gets it all mixed up and there isn't anything serious, but that perhaps staff should just be forewarned to keep gossip to the break and lunch rooms so that residents don't feel they must "report", often then getting things "wrong" and etc.
Basically I would just leave it be.
I don't get a lot of the laundry stories as I am half a state away. Perhaps the best place to be sometime. I do know my bro loves doing his own laundry as "they use too harsh stuff and things fall apart, get lost, and etc". Gives him something to help occupy time, is good for him, so I love that he still takes that interest. If not, I think, knowing an institution, stuff does end up all over the place.
The gossip...I would mention it to the DON. Not good for the Facility for a resident or a family member to hear this. And everywhere I have worked, discussing your salary with a fellow worker can get u fired. It can cause condescension in the workforce. I wouldn't tell the DON who it was.
socks, sweaters, tops, pants etc have all disappeared
I find other resident's items in her drawer especially nightgowns
yesterday her favorite missing sweater was in her roomie's closet
the only thing I wash weekly are her pillowcases otherwise I'm constantly buying more
only once has gossip at mom's memory care bothered me, and I let leadership know - it fell on deaf ears - without any apology
if you are truly committed to hear nothing, say nothing, then remind dad that no one likes a gossip when he tells a tale -but frankly, sometimes having a little inside information is useful and unless dad is spreading it around the lunch room to other residents, I'd let it go
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