Both of us were appointed legally by the State of AZ.
Just curious if anyone else out there is in this same position?
Due to having to care for my mother full time, I had to move in with her. Not long after moving in, I lost my job due to her excessive calls to my work and constantly making me late for work or having me leave work early because she needed me. No Job means no money, so I also had my car repo'd after being unable to make the paymenrs and insurance, etc.
So now I'm here 24/7 and she is very very mean to me and treats me as a slave every moment she's awake which is all the time.
The conservator sends money to an acct when I request it, it is all accounted for and all has to be spent on my mother, none of it can be spent on myself. He does pay me 50 bucks a month phone bill, that is all.
Entire sitaution really doesn't seem fair but whatever. I guess my question is. ..
When I do have someone come look after mom while I get a break (a few hours a week, if I'm lucky)
I reminded by everyone that this respite time is for "me"..
How does one use respite time for themselves when they have absolutely no money, no income, etc. to go see a movie, go thrift shop, or do anything?
This makes no sense to me.
Thank you
Frustated in Phoenix
Be proactive. Nothing will change unless you make the change yourself.
Lastly and sadly, the entire process of becoming legal guardian cost almost 23K, (high price lawyer gouging and bad advice)
So resigning although could be a way to go for someone else, I just don't see it for me. But I do appreciate the advice.
Thank you xxx
You need to get back to work, establish boundaries and find her another place to live. Or get your own place and find caregivers to come in to work with her.
You are being taken advantage of and you are letting it happen. At a minimum you should be paid for caregiving. And free monthly rent and food, room and board. Is nowhere close to enough.
No more Cinderella for you.
If there is some reason you can't be, get back to work!
Well FiRST & FOREMOST I appreciate every response from you all. Thank you for taking the time.
Lemme try responding to each comment individually here in this response. SORRY IN ADVANCE FOR ALL CAPS, THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE MY RESPONSE EASIER TO DIFFERENTIATE.
BARB BROOKLYN
Why aren't you being paid for caregiving? MY UNDERSTANDING IS THE STATE OF AZ DOES NOT PAY FOR A FAMILY MEMBER FOR CAREGIVING. ESPECIALLY ,IF CAREGIVER IS LIVING IN THE HOME OF THE PERSON BEING CARED FOR.
If there is some reason you can't be, THATS THE RULES OF THE STATE, IF I HAD KNOWN ALL THIS BACK WHEN SHE WAS COGNITIVE, I WOULD HAVE BROUGHT UP THE SUBJECT OF HAVING ONE OF THOSE AGREEMENTS IN PLACE SAYING I WOULD BE PAID SO MUCH FOR LOOKING AFTER HER
back to work! I KNOW, I WISH!!!
I AM STARTING THE PROCESS OF PLACING HER IN A GROUP HOME. I CAN NO LONGER DEAL WITH IT ALL. THIS WILL BE AGAINST HER WILL, SIGH..
TACY022
Before I answer this, could you clarify whether the conservator is a professional or a family member/person with a personal interest in the finances
PROFESSIONAL FUDICIARY THAT THE COURT APPOINTED. NO RELATION AT ALL.
SOME BACKGROUND INFO....
MY ALCOHOLIC (9 LIFETIME DUI'S) WAS RELEASED FROM HIS LATEST STINT IN JAIL FOR LATEST DUI, SHOWED UP ON FRONT DOORSTEP. MY MOTHER DID THIS (INVITED HIM) BEHIND MY BACK KNOWING FULL WELL HE AND I HATE EACH OTHER. HE HAS ALWAYS MANIPULATED MY MOTHER AND SOMEHOW CONVINCED HER I AM THE TERRIBLE CHILD. HE SUX, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BUT THAT IS THE TRUTH. HE SHOWED UP ON A SUNDAY AND MONDAY I WENT TO WORK AND THEN STAYED AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE DISGUSTED ABOUT THE EVENTS TAKING PLACE. TUESDAY AFTER WORK I CAME HOME (moms house) AND HE ORDERED ME TO LEAVE THE PREMISES, EVEN CALLED THE COPS AND MY MOM AGREED WITH HIM. COMPLETE REALITY TURNED UPSIDE DOWN AFTER 24HRS OF HIM BEING HERE. COPS TOLD ME I HAD TO LEAVE AND I COULD GRAB A FEW THINGS AND THEN THEY DROVE ME BACK TO MY OFFICE BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE ELSE TO GO. THE TRIP BACK TO MY OFFICE I WAS SO UPSET AND IN DISBELIEF WHAT HAD JUST HAPPENED, THROUGH MY TEARS AND GRASPING FOR AIR I TOLD THE COP MY BROTHER IS THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE THROWN OUT, I WAS MY MOM'S CAREGIVER, HE HADN'T BEEN AROUND FOR 3 YEARS HAS NO CLUE WHAT HAS TAKEN PLACE WITH MOM AND THEN I REMEMBERED THE 3 RING BINDER I KEPT AT WORK (in case he ever showed up and tried to take it, I kept it at work) THE TRUST SPECIFICALLY STATES THAT MY BROTHER IS TO BE CONSIDERED AT PRE-DECEASING MY MOTHER, TO ENSURE HE GETS NOTHING I TOLD THE COP AND HE SAID HE WANTED TO LOOK AT IT BECAUSE HE OBVIOUSLY THOUGHT I WAS LYING AND BELIEVED MY BROTHER. HE CAME IN THE OFFICE AND I SHOWED HIM THE TRUST HE READ A FEW PAGES AND THEN HAD THE NERVE TO LOOK AT ME AND ASK ME "SO U HAVE A RIDE HOME?" I WAS LIVID, I SAID WTF "RIDE HOME?" I THOUGHT YOU TOLD ME I HAD TO LEAVE THE PREMISES AND HE REPLIED WITH "YOU DID HAVE TO, BUT U CAN GO BACK". I TOLD HIM THEN WHY DID YOU HAVE ME GRAB A FEW THINGS LIKE UNDERWEAR AND CLOTHE'S FOR A WEEK? NO RESPONSE. HE OBVIOUSLY HAD CHANGED HIS MIND ON WHO TO BELIEVE AFTER HE READ THE TRUST.
IM LIVID RELIVING THE EXPERIENCE AS I TYPE THIS.
MY BROTHER WENT AND GOT AN ORDER OF PROTECTION AGAINST ME THAT I COULD NOT CONTACT MOM OR COME BACK TO HOUSE. I CONTACTED THE ATTY WHO CREATED THE TRUST, HE PUT ME IN CONTACT WITH AN ATTY WHO WOULD TAKE PAYMENT LATER TO HELP ME APPLY FOR GUARDIANSHIP WHICH WOULD OVERRIDE ANY POA AND I COULD KICK MY BROTHER OUT OF HOUSE AND TAKE CONTROL OF MOM AND FINANCES BEFORE HE WIPED HER OUT. HE DID COME CLOSE TO SUCCEEDING WITH THAT PLAN IN THE FEW MONTHS THAT ALL THIS TOOK PLACE. HIM AND HIS DRUNK GIRLFRIEND WENT ON A LONG SPENDING SPREE ON MY MOM'S DIME. LONG STORY SHORT.. THIS IS WHY THE COURT THOUGHT A CONSERVATOR SHOULD BE IN PLACE DUE TO RECENT HAPPENINGS WITH MY BROTHER.
I HAVE TO RESPOND TO THE OTHER COMMENTS IN A BIT, I HAVE TO GO AND "SLAVE" ;)
What level of care does mom need? Skilled nursing facility? NH? What are her assets?
Is it weird that at our first mtg when he asks about assets and stuff when I mentioned there were 2 or 3 small life insurance policies (under 10K) he said something along the lines of "yeah, probably just cash those out right away" ??
Why wouldn't he wait to see what happens as time goes on and then if it looks like he would need to, do it at that time?
I also told him on phone before 1st mtg, that I absolutely wanted to make sure that any money mom has at Wells fargo..... needs to be moved to another bank, any bank BUT wells Fargo due to their blatant bulls*it they put me and mom through not accepting the trust or my POA, yada yada yada AND all the RED FLAGS they disregarded and basically helped my brother rape my mom's account, the withdrawal amounts went from hardly anything to 15K, 30k, 7k, etc. I was adamant he move the money ASAP, he then says to me well I work a lot with WELLS FARGO, I have brought them a lot of business so I'm probably not going to move it. UGH!!!
God, I'm just getting all irritated right now. I have to get some sleep. I'll answer any other posts later tonight.
TThanks
Sounds like you were able to, eventually, work with the police. You need to get a restraining order on bro and his girlfriend to protect your mom and yourself.
With a conservator how was bro able to go on spending spree? Just released from prison? He is probably on parole? So could end up in trouble with the parole board. Call and talk with his case manager.
So I arrive at the house and neighbor quickly explained what she thought happened and mom was all over the place trying to explain. But ever since that day, she has never wanted to see or speak to him again. He showed up later that night trying to get in house and i called the cops, he told them there was an order of protection against me and i shouldnt be there, but i had yet to be served so it was basically invalid and my brother didnt have the paperwork on him for them to serve me. YAY!! They told him he had to leave. For 2 days he tried to come back and he was staggering drunk ea time. I got it touch with a different atty and she went next day to the court where my brother got the judge to sign Order of Protection and explained how my brother had lied to him in order to sign it so the judge immediately squashed it. On the 3Rd day I went and got one against him and he showed up, I called cops and he got served at the house. HE WAS SO LIVID he couldn't comprehend how I was there and how he was being served the OOP that he left went to neighborhood bar and then got in a car and drove and ppl started calling the police about driver on the road just clipped someone's car and left, a witness followed him and led cops to him so he landed himself his 9th DUI and his 2nd extreme felony DUI w/o a Dr license. MANDATORY sentence is 4 years in prison. He knew he was screwed, he bailed himself out (w/moms money he had on him) and immediately fled the state of AZ back to GA, where he came from.
To answer your questions.
He's a fugitive, thats how it was all worked out with the police.
At the time there was no guardian or conservator for my mom, this is how he swooped in, stole money and etc. It wasn't until AFTER the events took place that a conservator was put in place and the reason why too.
I applied for guardianship as it over rules ALL POA's, which he SOMEHOW got Wells Fargo Bank to OK/sign... even though mom has Dementia. I CANNOT STAND WELLS FARGO BANK, I think I could sue them, I have to look into it. There were so MANY red flags they just simply overlooked. It's amazing.
I don't understand for the amount u paid for guardianship why you didn't get conservator too.
So sorry you lost everything. Maybe its time to tell the conservator Mom needs to be in an AL or LTC. That you have no money to your name because of caring for her. You need to get back to work. So he needs to tell you how Mom stands money wise because it will determine where she goes.
I originally did go for both guardian and conservator but the guard ad litem recommended to the court that they appt a conservator due to the recent fraud by my brother and his G/F.
Speaking of wells fargo, if they would have accepted my POA, which was created along with the trust, me as trustee, etc. I would NEVER of had to apply for any of this court stuff, would have saved literally 10''s of thousands of dollars on lawyers, yada yada yada. Wells Fargo is the worst bank. Ironic how they were protecting my mom, (they thought) right at the time of the news coming out about how their employees had FRAUDULENTLY opened all these fake acts behind customers back. I let them know what POS they were last time I dealt with them.
I just wanted to respond to your comment
I understand that it is not "the fudiciary /conservator's responsibility to tell me about about this for my interests. it is his responsibility to look after your mom's interest. He did the correct thing."
BUT, at the same time, he has first hand knowledge that I have absolutely NO money and that I am unhappy that I have NO money and that I find it very frustrating, weve discussed my situation MANY times, how unfair it is that my life was abruptly halted then my life, income, car and happiness was stripped away from me.
What I am saying here is he knows 100% that if I would have been receiving some sort of compensation this entire time, no matter how much,at the very least it would be seen as a little ray of sunshine on this otherwise bleak existence of a life I lead. He knows I am absolutely miserable that I can't go anywhere, do anything, buy something for myself, all because I have no income or compensation.
I's it just me that finds your comment cold (whether it's right or wrong) I guess I could say that IF he is truly looking after my mom's best financial interests, I personally would think a normal caring human being would think that "hey maybe I should mention or recommend that she can petiton the court for some sort of compensation to keep her happy and not becoming burned out, irritable and giving up verses the amount that it will cost to put her mom in a facility"
Does that make sense? I mean currently my mom's estate is saving 1000''S of dollars every month with me here being an unpaid miserable slave. I recently gave him the heads up that she's going into a home and I'm not willing to do this anymore.
It seems very cold and harsh to think that it's gone on this long and he has never once mentioned there is a way I could at least try to see if I could get compensation. But NO! It's never been mentioned ever, not one time and now, her estate is going to be dwindled away by several thousands every month. I'm insulted that he never mentioned this to me. He is the professional licensed fudiciary, I am the one obviously still learning and overwhelmed with all the legal judicial stuff.
Also you wrote
:You will need to set up a hearing with the judge to present the evidence. The fiduciary will need to be there also. Your lawyer can tell you how to proceed."
I have no money to pay for an atty, much less money to pay for filing the petition of compensation. Oh and then there's the matter of driving downtown and paying the parking fee of $5+, which I also don't have.
Keyword is "DID" have an atty. But of course they dropped me when they realized that Wells Fargo was not going to accept my POA, and therefor not let me access funds in order for me to pay them. So they ended up dropping me as a client. I ended up having to borrow from a friend, $3K., so I could hire a new atty, this is the one who went to court for me to get the Order of Protection dropped and they also filed all the paperwork for me to start the guardianship/conservator process going.
I am back to having no atty again.
BUT yes, your comment was correct, I DID have an atty.
Thx =)