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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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I know exactly how you feel. Most everyone here can relate to what you're going through. Did you choose to become your mother's caregiver, or was it decided by your family? I find that when there's siblings and no one will talk about it and then ignore and ghost the caregiver and the care recipient, it's because they don't want the status quo to change. They don't want to find themselves on the caregiver hook and be asked to help out or take some of the responsibility. So they don't even go near the water (stops visiting and communicating entirely). This way if they don't talk to you, you can't ask them for help. If they don't talk to their mom, she can't either. They're not going to help you and of course you feel totally alone in it. You're not alone because everyone in this group is here to support you and there's some great advice and helpful resources to be found here. There are some things I hope you've taken care of. Like making sure mom sees a lawyer and does a POA document for you and a will making you her executor. Since you are the only one taking any responsibility, her will should reflect upon you as if you were an only child. Then try talking to your states Department of Social Services, or even the local senior center in your town. They will help you find out what additional care can be offered to help out with your mom. Good luck and God bless.
Caregivers often feel isolated. It’s a difficult position to be in. I am truly sorry that you are experiencing these issues. All I can say is that you can’t force anyone to do something against their will.
Keep the door open for communication. That’s about all that you can do. I wouldn’t nag. Focus on what is needed in your own life. Don’t depend on them to help you. Does your mom have funds to hire additional help? Have you contacted a social worker or Council on Aging to see what your options are regarding her care?
Do you have any other questions for the forum? Others will chime in to help.
Sisters: Oh if I just put my head deep in the sand here, I won't feel any yucky guilt. (Just my guess). I sure wouldn't want to hear that Sunshiny would appreciate some help, some support, or even just a how are YOU Sunshiny now & then?
I had a very similar convo with my DH yesterday.. that ended in a row as he can't seem to listen to how hurt I am. Just wants to tell me I am wrong to have any expectations of siblings. Yes well I probably am but I didn't ask if I should, just wanted to express that it is hurtful.
Sorry you are in a tough spot here. Family's can be difficult, especially when dealing with an aging parent. But, not to be mean, but your siblings have decided what they are and are not willing to do. Asking them about it and/or asking them to do more is probably not in your best interest. I would try to accept and respect their decisions, even if you do not agree with it. Sure, it'd be great to have them more involved, but doesn't seem to happen very often.
I'm sure you could use more help as the sole caregiver. Using mom's money, hire help ASAP. Sister's or mom may not agree but too bad. You need to take care of you a little bit too.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I know exactly how you feel. Most everyone here can relate to what you're going through.
Did you choose to become your mother's caregiver, or was it decided by your family? I find that when there's siblings and no one will talk about it and then ignore and ghost the caregiver and the care recipient, it's because they don't want the status quo to change.
They don't want to find themselves on the caregiver hook and be asked to help out or take some of the responsibility. So they don't even go near the water (stops visiting and communicating entirely). This way if they don't talk to you, you can't ask them for help. If they don't talk to their mom, she can't either.
They're not going to help you and of course you feel totally alone in it. You're not alone because everyone in this group is here to support you and there's some great advice and helpful resources to be found here.
There are some things I hope you've taken care of. Like making sure mom sees a lawyer and does a POA document for you and a will making you her executor. Since you are the only one taking any responsibility, her will should reflect upon you as if you were an only child.
Then try talking to your states Department of Social Services, or even the local senior center in your town. They will help you find out what additional care can be offered to help out with your mom. Good luck and God bless.
Keep the door open for communication. That’s about all that you can do. I wouldn’t nag. Focus on what is needed in your own life. Don’t depend on them to help you. Does your mom have funds to hire additional help? Have you contacted a social worker or Council on Aging to see what your options are regarding her care?
Do you have any other questions for the forum? Others will chime in to help.
Best wishes to you.
I had a very similar convo with my DH yesterday.. that ended in a row as he can't seem to listen to how hurt I am. Just wants to tell me I am wrong to have any expectations of siblings. Yes well I probably am but I didn't ask if I should, just wanted to express that it is hurtful.
I HEAR YOU & send big big (((hugs))).
PS keep shining 🌞
I'm sure you could use more help as the sole caregiver. Using mom's money, hire help ASAP. Sister's or mom may not agree but too bad. You need to take care of you a little bit too.
Good luck.