My sister moved into IL in December. She agreed she was no longer safe at home. Now she won’t leave her room! Should I be concerned?
She really would have preferred to stay at home, but repeated trips to the ER after falls finally convinced her. But she hasn’t left her room since she moved in. Says the planned activities aren’t interesting. Hasn’t gone to the dining room, has all her meals delivered to her room. She sleeps most of the time. She had mobility issues before the move (pain walking, used cane, walker or scooter) but it is getting much worse and now she can barely make it to the door and she is in a studio. She has med manager telling her she needs to walk, as well as her doctor and family. It’s like she has given up and is just waiting to die. She has mild dementia with hallucinations and delusions. Not bad enough for memory care, but we are now trying to figure out if she should be in AL. Cost of care would basically double. So far I have been paying majority of her expenses until her house sells, (closing is the end of this month) at which point I will be reimbursed. But with the added cost of AL, her assets will only last her about 2 1/2 years. And she makes too much for Medicaid. Not really sure what you can tell me. Just concerned about her lack of will to survive. And she is on antidepressants.
It wasn’t until THIS month, that she came out of her room for something besides meals. She has also quit sleeping all day. She is now out in the activity room doing puzzles, and bingo, for goodness’s sake. Both are activities that she would NEVER have done in her previous life!
What seems to have made a difference, is attention by a geriatric psychiatrist. They switched her anxiety and depression meds. It’s been a miracle!
Best wishes to you.
Has the IL facility curtailed a lot of the activities?
It is very possible that she does have some depression.
Since she is in IL can she come and go? If so would it be possible to set up a "date" with her take her to lunch once a week. It would give he something to look forward to.
I can see where it might be difficult to meet people and get to know them when everyone is wearing a mask and you can not "read" facial expressions.
I would next time she has a doctor's appointment mention the isolation and see if she can be reevaluated for the depression, it is possible that a medication adjustment is necessary. With the diagnosis of "mild" dementia it is possible that with the move, the isolation that her dementia has caused a decline.
I raised aquarium fish since a small child and they require more care than imaginable. (and studied fish Ichthyology - diseases, in college).
Betta's appear to "get by" as they can breathe air from the top surface if the water is foul, which it easily can be. Filters need changing (and a two-gallon means most often the "flow" from the filter is too fast for these fish). I kept mine in huge heavily planted aquariums, with schools of catfish. (even in a 70 gallon with other appropriate fish). (dampered the water flow from over the back filters)
The get fungus, little tears in their fins which turn into fin rot, and other diseases which are hard to spot at the beginning, when they can be better treated, for the untrained. (and harder to heal). They feel pain esp the mouth and death to them is painful as well.
"""""""""""https://pethelpful.com/fish-aquariums/diseases-of-a-Betta-fish""""""""""""
Plants yes indeed!
You don't give us an age. I know that my brother, not overly social, did have a bit of adjustment in ALF where he had two rooms. He gradually did get out and socialize a bit more, and take part in things. There may be some adjustment.
And again, you could be correct. She may have lost interest in living a life that consists after one loss after another. This is normal for some people. They honestly tire of it all, and would prefer it were over. It isn't an unreasonable option. You say that she is on antidepressants. Do let the doc know that this particular medication doesn't seem to work for her. There are other options. But eventually you yourself may have to accept that this is where she is at now, and that things may not change a lot. I am so sorry, and wish you the best.
If the current med regimin isn't working, then another needs to be tried.
Sure sounds like depression with constant sleeping, no socializing and waiting to die. Is she on anything for depression?
I experienced this problem over and over for the nearly 20 years I worked as a nurse supervisor in both AL and memory care. Does her facility have an "ambassador" program? This is someone on campus who can spend time with her (encourage her to participate in meals and activities) until hired help can be found. Finding our reason(s) for remaining motivated when we get into our senior years is perhaps the hardest thing any of us will ever do. With age we will all require a different level of "attention" and your sister is tipping the scale in this area. While my prayer is for her to have longevity, my greater concern is for her to enjoy what time she has remaining. It's all about quality, not quantity. During my career, I performed my own personal assesssment for each admission which concentrated on 5 hallmark areas. Nutrition, Hydration, Exercise, Rest and Stress Management. Under stress management is found pain/discomfort. My greatest concern is for your sister to be pain free. She will never move on (and will only digress further) until she is physically able to do so. Opioids may address her pain but have awful side affects--mostly constipation! Tramadol (Ultram) is better but can make her a bit loopey. Certain individuals can balance their depression through exercise but with your sister, she can hardly move so we have to start with baby steps. My recommendation is for her to try CBD oil, a warm soak in a bath with essential oils followed by a gentle foot massage twice a week--to start. Spending quality time with her is what she needs most at this point in time. Cannabis perscribing physicians can be found online and will be able to recommend optimal dosages. Use some of her resources from the sale of the house to hire a caregiver. Not just any caregiver but the right fit for you and her. This is where you'll really have to do your homework; by interviewing for the right person. Someone who she can truly relate to. It will be a lot of work but when you land the right person, it will be well worth it! This caregiver will be someone your sister will REALLY enjoy spending time with, talking to and laughing with. For my seniors who had no remaining friends or family, I always used Reader's Digests' mantra "laughter is the best medicine." Not just reading jokes to them but utilizing other resources like You Tube. Look for Art Linkletters "kids say the darndest things" and Hollywood Squares with Paul Lynn and countless animal videos. For the moment--as long as she's laughing---nothing else will matter and she will begin to regain her quality of life.
I feel your sister stands a good chance of remaining in IL as long as she recieves the attention she needs which will result in her willingness to thrive.
I wish you well and will keep you both in my prayers.
My Best,
Ken
She may not really be 'independent' living. Sounds like she needs more care than that. I would ask if IL or AL would send a person to her room to take her to physical therapy sessions. You may also be able to get her doctor to order home-health people who would send therapists to her via Medicare payment. And, perhaps weekly nursing visits. Sounds like she needs to be engaged rather than waiting on her to engage herself. If you can get in to the facility, find out if you could order a meal and eat with her in the dining area. Sometimes people don't feel comfortable going alone into a group. A more extroverted person might be able to get her over the hump
See All Answers