My sibling will not share any bank statements with me or any legal papers she has had my mother sign. My mother has asked me what my sister had her sign. I talked to my mom's estate attorney and my sister has now kept him out of the loop and hired her own lawyer. She recently went to see our mom and had a friend drive her down from Northern Calif. She paid them both for the journey, all meals, gas, and 2 hotel rooms a night at $250 a night and then paid them both for 2 weeks after their trip to quarantine! She is paying herself $35 an hour. I am concerned she is going through all my mom's available cash. I want my mom to live comfortably in the nice assisted living home I have found for her until she transcends. I believe that financial exploitation of an elder comes under elder abuse.
I have asked her 10 times to please have my mom's financial institutions send me duplicate statements. She gets very angry and defensive. I have talked to a lawyer but he has retired now. He thought it was vital I take action. It is so hard because it is family! I have called the APS and they said we need an investigation. The help they suggested will not get involved because my mom is in San Diego County, I am in Riverside County, and my sibling is in Mendocino County. I know as of September my sibling was heavily medicating with pharmaceuticals for hip pain. She has now had surgery and told me she was doing well. She has told me she has no money but is remodelling her home on a loan?
What alerted me was my sister bounced 2 checks from my mom's bank. The bank does not trust her. My mom told me she does not trust her but I think she was afraid of my sister's wrath which today I totally understand. Plus my sister was the first born and that was important to my mom who is now 98. I have not wanted to involve my mom or cause her to worry. However my last visit was for 2 days and the first day we just shared our love and the second day I told her a bit of what was going on and she was shocked and did not understand and said she wanted us both to be involved with her care and her finances. I had a brain tumour and was being very affected by the pressure on my brain and I myself needed caregiving. Now I have had surgery and I am 100% back, thank you God! I feel my sister took this advantage of my health condition for 8 months once she became POA. She told me that she now wants to conserve my mom.
I am the caretaker of one of my mom's homes, it is an asset in her will. My sibling has called me multiple times yelling at me when I have sent receipts for necessary up keep on my mom's home. She has said F you and you suck and quit that when I ask for anything so now she has stopped communicating. I love her so I still send her nice messages but today I am done with that and I need some legal help. PLEASE if you have this kind of experience share with me what you did and how you got help. APS also told me to call the police but I am not quite there.
Very Grateful,
Sea
If your Sister is POA and has been for some time it is not necessary that your Mother, who may have deteriorated since this work was done, to remember having done it. Now it seems she has some dementia? So she cannot change things at this point.
Your sister is under ZERO obligation to share with you the handling of the Estate. She is acting for your Mother and she must keep METICULOUS records (in case a family member accuses her of fraud, and etc); but she need not tell you anything whatsoever about handling her Mom's finances as the POA or Trustee.
If you suspect abuse, and if you have evidence of abuse, you should see a Lawyer. You suggest you have done that, but I am uncertain the outcome? You can also try to get APS to open a case. You say APS has suggested you call the police. I am uncertain what they could do in all of this, but if APS suggested that you call the police they must have had a reason for suggesting it, and that is what I would do.
You say you are not there yet, and that is fine. When you are ready, or have hard evidence of abuse, report to authorities. You are unlikely to convince your sister to do anything differently. We can't change others.
Were a Lawyer to suggest you seek guardianship of your Mom know that it would likely result in a fight with your sister costing your Mom's estate or YOU if you were to lose, approximately 10,000. The court, if they found evidence of fraud in your sister's handling of Mom's estate may end placing your Mom under guardianship of the state, in which case the Fiduciary appointed would cost Mom approx. 100.00 an hour, and would not be required to consider the family's wishes.
Wishing you good luck. Sorry for all this grief. It is always very sad when families end divided over the care of an elder.
I figured it out how to reply to you in my feed. I sent you a personal message too and I will copy it here. Sorry for any inconvenience.
Hi Alva,
I am so sorry for the loss of your brother and I am so happy you had a good relationship with him... amazing grace!
This is Nina and you responded to my question about my sister being POA. My mom did have many assets when my sister took over as POA. However she does not have enough assets to continue paying my sister more than $22,000 -$30,000 a year to act as her POA plus her travel expenses which have been another $12-15,000. Do you know if in the POA document must state how much she is being paid for it to be legal? My sister is driving my mom's Lexus, which I am ok with. But my mom is paying all the repairs, and the yearly registration because my sister left the Lexus in my mom's name. Would my mom be liable if my sister was in an accident? I do not think my mom's car is in the estate.
The lawyer I talked to was great but he is now retired at 88. He Kindly gave me a free consultation
I too had a benign brain tumor. That is when my sister started to take advantage of the fact that I was struggling mentally and physically. I was able to have surgery which turned out to be very successful because the tumor was actually located in the meninges pressing on my frontal lobe and not inside the brain itself. The tumor had grown to cover 1/5 of my brain and almost 1/2 if you include the inflammation. I am so glad to be alive today! I am still healing which makes it hard to deal with an angry sister but I will no longer take her abuse .... finally after 65 years.
I am replying to your comments here as I do not know how to reply on my news feed!
Thank You! Sending blessings and hugs,
Nina