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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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If independent living means, as in associated with a senior community that has Assisted Living and then Long-term care...maybe time for her to be placed in the AL. Even in the early stages, those suffering from Dementia should not be alone. Its too unpredictable. The sooner you place her, the sooner she adjusts and excepts the AL as her home. When Mom was in the AL a new resident was brought in. The poor man kept trying to escape. I overheard an aide say "they waited too long".
Dementia is 24/7 care. Do you work? If so, do not quit your job to care for her. You have to consider you future earnings with SS. The longer you work the more quarters you earn. As I said on another post, SS only looks back 35yrs from the day u apply for SS. My ex was, if you wait and collect ur SS at 67 but you quit working at 57, your SS is caculated on 25 yrs of years. Won't give you much to help u live on.
People tend to think caring for parent is the noble thing to do...there is so much more to it. And you are the youngest what about your other siblings, are they willing to do what needs to be done to care for Mom?
Don‘t think you can do it alone. Good caregivers need all the help, access to all resources available, and the sooner you get different respite involved the better. Have plan A and B, what if you are unable to do it and what when disease becomes worse. I hope you are financially savvy as expenses will increase.
My mother has had dementia for about four years now, and it has been quite the journey. It is especially difficult now since my dad passed away because Mom can't quite seem to process all of this, and very naturally, her personality is changing some. They were married for nearly 66 years. There are so many good resources on the Internet and through Facebook that I have found very helpful and informative. Talking to others who are going through this is so important. I was fortunate to work at a facility a few summers ago that had a memory care unit. I learned so much about it then. I have learned to "go with the flow" with Mom. I never mind her asking me the same question a thousand times. I try to enjoy simple moments with her, like sitting outside on the patio or watching a movie even though she doesn't really fully understand what is going on. Bath times and getting dressed are among my favorite times with her because she usually laughs, and it is fun. I wish you the best of luck in this incredible and extremely painful journey. There are some wonderful videos on youtube that are extremely informative.
How do you find the videos? Do you have favorites? I'm beginning this journey though a doctor hasn't diagnosed him and we haven't asked. I don't know if I will. If I see there's a benefit to him medically, perhaps. I'll look at YouTube, but I never want my husband's confidence shattered if I can avoid it.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to educate yourself about dementia, as there is much to learn and understand about it. The book The 36 Hour Day by Nancy L. Mace and Peter Rabins is a great resource, along with Teepa Snow who has a lot of great videos on YouTube and has also written several good books about it, like Understanding the Changing Brain and Dementia Caregiver Guide to name a few. It sounds like your mother is living in an assisted living facility now, but as she gets worse(and she will)she will more than likely have to be placed in a memory care unit. The most important thing I have learned is to just meet them where they're at, as their reality is not ours and it will do you no good to try and bring them into your reality. Instead you must meet them in theirs. Your life will be much easier when you do that. I would also recommend finding a local caregiver support group to join either in person or on Zoom, as that has been invaluable to me. Knowledge is key when dealing with this disease, so the more you can learn about it, the better off you will be. Wishing you and your mother the very best.
Welcome to the journey. My father was officially diagnosed in 2018(I’ve been caring for him since-& prior.. different story) First off, this is a great support site! As others have said in their answers- money & educate. It will cost you more & more. Inform yourself, find out the type she has, what stage. Be prepared for anything. Get yourself a tracking device if she is wandering. Socialize her, socialize, socialize. I feel that contributed to my father’s decline. Challenge the mind. Puzzles. Cards. Stuff of that sort. “If you don’t use it, you lose it”. Routine. Find a support group near you or on zoom. Government aide is minimal. If you can get respite , get it. Do not do this alone. Good luck
I would recommend as strongly as possible NOT to think that you should give her a try living with you.
If she has been comfortable in her IL setting, she will transition much more easily to an AL than to your home. I very rarely rely on broad generalizations, but this is true.
If she has access to a step up from AL to Memory Care, all the better.
Your own adjustment starts with realizing that this vile lousy ruinous disease is ALWAYS progressive and fatal. No way to avoid that. You will enjoy the flashes of “who she was” all the more if you see them as little miracles and not “becoming her old self again”.
I think it’s also fairly safe to observe that no two dementia patients will react the same way to anything. Stages are VERY GENERAL.
Yes, do all the research you can. Yes, make decisions forger based on your love for her and YOUR WELFARE.
Know that you will not ALWAYS have a “good” choice, so you will need to e ready to lovingly make the best of the bad ones.
Welcome. You will always find someone here who will “listen”.
Think long and hard before you move her in with you.
There is a reason people are telling you to not do this. Hundreds of people on this board thought they could do home care too, and now they are exhausted, broken mentally (and physically) and wish someone had warned them.
Kindly consider:
-Any sort of schedule you have now will be out the window.
-Can you lift her every day?
-You may need an aide. Are you okay with workers (strangers) in your house?
-Can you handle multiple toilet visits, butt wiping, diarrhea, bed urine, and getting her undressed/dressed? Multiple times a day, and night too? She may not be incontinent now, but it’s likely going to happen.
-Are you able to help bathing?
-Are your toilets, bathtubs, etc handicap-ready? Will her bed have safety rails? Are meds stored safely?
-There will be no more dinners out, no vacations. Friends and family will say to call if you need anything, but you'll find almost none will volunteer to stay with her if you want or need time out.
-When do you plan to get things like errands and grocery shopping done? She cannot be left alone.
-If she worsens, how will you handle the medical needs?
- If she keeps you up at night, how do you plan to handle work the next day? Same goes for working from home.
- If you get sick, injured, or compromised, what plan do you have for her care?
- If you are no longer able to care for her, how will you get her into memory care or a nursing home?
I've said before that people think they can "love their way" through caregiving. That love will be enough to sustain their energy and will. It isn't. Most on here loved their elder dearly and wanted to care for them. They had to place their elder to save both of their lives.
And yes, 101 is quite elderly, but I know of someone who made it to 106. It’s not as uncommon as it used to be! Can you do this for several years?
If you're bound and determined to move her to your house, certainly no one can stop you. Just go into this with open eyes and KNOW what you are taking on.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
Don't expect to do this alone; it's too much for one human being to undertake. Consider Memory Care Assisted Living when the burden becomes too much for you.
Watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube to learn how to bathe your mother when she becomes obstinate and refuses to, if that time should come.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Dementia is 24/7 care. Do you work? If so, do not quit your job to care for her. You have to consider you future earnings with SS. The longer you work the more quarters you earn. As I said on another post, SS only looks back 35yrs from the day u apply for SS. My ex was, if you wait and collect ur SS at 67 but you quit working at 57, your SS is caculated on 25 yrs of years. Won't give you much to help u live on.
People tend to think caring for parent is the noble thing to do...there is so much more to it. And you are the youngest what about your other siblings, are they willing to do what needs to be done to care for Mom?
There are options. Consider them first.
Good caregivers need all the help, access to all resources available, and the sooner you get different respite involved the better.
Have plan A and B, what if you are unable to do it and what when disease becomes worse.
I hope you are financially savvy as expenses will increase.
There are so many good resources on the Internet and through Facebook that I have found very helpful and informative. Talking to others who are going through this is so important. I was fortunate to work at a facility a few summers ago that had a memory care unit. I learned so much about it then.
I have learned to "go with the flow" with Mom. I never mind her asking me the same question a thousand times. I try to enjoy simple moments with her, like sitting outside on the patio or watching a movie even though she doesn't really fully understand what is going on. Bath times and getting dressed are among my favorite times with her because she usually laughs, and it is fun.
I wish you the best of luck in this incredible and extremely painful journey. There are some wonderful videos on youtube that are extremely informative.
The book The 36 Hour Day by Nancy L. Mace and Peter Rabins is a great resource, along with Teepa Snow who has a lot of great videos on YouTube and has also written several good books about it, like Understanding the Changing Brain and Dementia Caregiver Guide to name a few.
It sounds like your mother is living in an assisted living facility now, but as she gets worse(and she will)she will more than likely have to be placed in a memory care unit.
The most important thing I have learned is to just meet them where they're at, as their reality is not ours and it will do you no good to try and bring them into your reality. Instead you must meet them in theirs. Your life will be much easier when you do that.
I would also recommend finding a local caregiver support group to join either in person or on Zoom, as that has been invaluable to me.
Knowledge is key when dealing with this disease, so the more you can learn about it, the better off you will be.
Wishing you and your mother the very best.
If she has been comfortable in her IL setting, she will transition much more easily to an AL than to your home. I very rarely rely on broad generalizations, but this is true.
If she has access to a step up from AL to Memory Care, all the better.
Your own adjustment starts with realizing that this vile lousy ruinous disease is ALWAYS progressive and fatal. No way to avoid that. You will enjoy the flashes of “who she was” all the more if you see them as little miracles and not “becoming her old self again”.
I think it’s also fairly safe to observe that no two dementia patients will react the same way to anything. Stages are VERY GENERAL.
Yes, do all the research you can. Yes, make decisions forger based on your love for her and YOUR WELFARE.
Know that you will not ALWAYS have a “good” choice, so you will need to e ready to lovingly make the best of the bad ones.
Welcome. You will always find someone here who will “listen”.
There is a reason people are telling you to not do this. Hundreds of people on this board thought they could do home care too, and now they are exhausted, broken mentally (and physically) and wish someone had warned them.
Kindly consider:
-Any sort of schedule you have now will be out the window.
-Can you lift her every day?
-You may need an aide. Are you okay with workers (strangers) in your house?
-Can you handle multiple toilet visits, butt wiping, diarrhea, bed urine, and getting her undressed/dressed? Multiple times a day, and night too? She may not be incontinent now, but it’s likely going to happen.
-Are you able to help bathing?
-Are your toilets, bathtubs, etc handicap-ready? Will her bed have safety rails? Are meds stored safely?
-There will be no more dinners out, no vacations. Friends and family will say to call if you need anything, but you'll find almost none will volunteer to stay with her if you want or need time out.
-When do you plan to get things like errands and grocery shopping done? She cannot be left alone.
-If she worsens, how will you handle the medical needs?
- If she keeps you up at night, how do you plan to handle work the next day? Same goes for working from home.
- If you get sick, injured, or compromised, what plan do you have for her care?
- If you are no longer able to care for her, how will you get her into memory care or a nursing home?
I've said before that people think they can "love their way" through caregiving. That love will be enough to sustain their energy and will. It isn't. Most on here loved their elder dearly and wanted to care for them. They had to place their elder to save both of their lives.
And yes, 101 is quite elderly, but I know of someone who made it to 106. It’s not as uncommon as it used to be! Can you do this for several years?
If you're bound and determined to move her to your house, certainly no one can stop you. Just go into this with open eyes and KNOW what you are taking on.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
She also has published a workbook entitled, “It Isn’t Common Sense: Interacting with People Who Have Memory Loss Due to Dementia.”
https://www.amazon.com/Isnt-Common-Sense-Interacting-Dementia/dp/1481995995/ref=sr_1_4?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468655&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-4
Don't expect to do this alone; it's too much for one human being to undertake. Consider Memory Care Assisted Living when the burden becomes too much for you.
Watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube to learn how to bathe your mother when she becomes obstinate and refuses to, if that time should come.
Check out the Alz.org website for more tips.
Hire help to come into the home as needed.
Good luck.