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My mom is in semi independent living and 88 diagnosed with beginnings of dementia. Before she moved there she turned the house over to my niece and nephew and it was legally put into their names. She wants to move back and swears she never gave her house up. I told her she can't because it isn't hers and besides she needs to be in a safer place due to falls. She becomes very belligerent with me threatens to sue us all and that we forged her signature. I am very stressed out dealing with all this. Any recommendations?

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Ditto to what MACinCT pointed out about losing Medicaid qualification. Please consult with a Medicaid Planner or elder law/estate planning attorney to make sure you've not impacted your mom's ability to have this resource. It will be worth the investment to talk to a professional who knows the facts in her state.

A goal with dementia is to keep the LO calm since they are less and less able to bring themselves into this state of mind due to the diminishing ability to use reason and logic. Instead of have Groundhog Day everytime she asks, try giving her a brief answer, like, "Your doctor says you can return when you can perform all your ADLs so you can be safe" and then immediately redirect the conversation. If she follows up on this response tell her you'll call the doctor tomorrow (if she requests this). Then of course, you don't do this. Keep redirecting the conversation. We do this with my 87-yr old MIL in LTC and she can't get mad at us since it's the "doctor" who makes the decision (even though she's bedridden and hasn't walked on her own in years, she insists she can. We say, "Great! Show the doctor tomorrow that you can walk, and do all the other required activities." She acts miffed but it diffuses the situation.

If there are any activities in your LO's facility, accompany her to one so that she's occupied during your visit, then leave before the activity ends so her mind doesn't have the chance to focus on the house.
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We found her the best that she could afford. A very nice place staff great. Activities but Mom won't participate. Sits in her room all day reading and watching tv. Pleasant to everyone but me. My only brother died abt 7 years ago so it's his daughter and I fronting the care. Mom's retirement and social security cover it for now.
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First thing I thought was handing over that house was a no no. First because of the Medicaid look back and second because that was an asset. The proceeds from that house could have paid for an AL or MC.
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Shasta99, please let us know that the house was actually sold at fair market value and not just given away.

If it was given away, as others had mentioned, there will be a major roadblock for when the time comes that your Mother may need to depend on Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] to pay for her stay at a facility.

Curious, who's idea was it to sell or give away the house?
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Shasta99 Mar 2022
I wanted to sell MomS house and I had started talks with a realtor because it was sitting empty and I didn't have the time or desire to take care of it. My niece and her husband approached me that they wanted the house and mom wanted to give to them. Mom signed it over to them. My nephew intended to rent it and has done a lot of work on the house but it didn't get finished. I'm not sure if he still wants to rent or sell housing prices being what they are.
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Yeah, just giving her house away could be considered financial exploitation of a vulnerable senior, elder abuse and who knows what else.

You should definitely consult with an attorney.

If she couldn't live alone, she probably didn't have the mental capacity to give her house away.
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