Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Welcome to Forum. I hope that you will fill out your profile. I would like especially to know your age, your daughter's age? Who lives with who? Are you and daughter living in mom's home with her? Is she living in your home with you?
What is mom's overall condition mentally and physically? What activities and friends? What limitations?
In knowing only what little you tell us here I will suggest first of all that you and daughter attend Al-Anon together. You will meet so many in like circumstances who are dealing with alcoholism. You will get guidance to help and suggestions, but most of all you will understand that the non-alcoholic is basically as helpless as the alcoholic in this situation, and has really only two options. One is to stay (in which case nagging and hounding someone is worthless and counter productive) and the other is to go (which means basically to tell the alcoholic they are on their own, and supply numbers for AA when they wish to get some help.
I will leave you with this. I once famously said to my partner, about his mom's alcoholism, "It's an option". She didn't live with us. She chose to keep herself pretty lubricated with a constant flow of vodka and OJ. He visited her in AZ once yearly and called every Sunday. He helped her in arranging a reverse mortgage and she kept her cleaning gal until her death. Even when almost bedbound she took joy in her cocktails and in the little running water from the hose that fed a pond frequented by her desert wildlife. It was her choice. She may have fallen? If she did we didn't know; we were 100s and 100s of miles away.
I wish you the best. I am so sorry. I think there is honestly little that you may be able to do.
Sounds like she's depressed and self medicating and maybe an alcoholic now. Does she have any interest in bettering her situation by getting off the booze? If not, you're going to have to set boundaries and extricate yourself as soon as she gets nasty to you or your daughter. She especially does not deserve this and should not be subjected to mistreatment.
Alcoholics take out their frustration on the nearest to them.
Alvadeer said everything, and it's not much more I can add to this.
My mother was an alcoholic. I've been a member of Al-Anon for over forty years. Al-Anon was there for me when I was going through those storms of manipulations, verbal and physical abuse.
If your mother has no desire to change her life and choices, there’s not much you can do for her. There’s action for you and your daughter, stay out of the line of fire and limit the time you’re around to experience her nasty behavior. No one deserves bad treatment, no matter the cause
My situation is somewhat different than yours , moms home. And right now doing ok.
With that being said it is still difficult at times to leave, and I have for a long time brought it home. I've learned much after joining this forum.
I've learned, I didn't make mom old. I've learned that life is short and I deserve to be happy even if mom is not, or in pain.
I've learned how to feel sadness for her declining health, but how to let it go. It takes practice and a lot of talking to myself, telling myself over and over I deserve to be happy.
I feel the pain and the sadness, but for the most part when I walk back into my house I let it go. I suspect this is called compartmentalizing .
I accept it for what it is. Let go let God, we can not change any of this but we can change how we handle it.
Try to meditate and mindfulness.
And a lot of telling myself, let go let God. Or it is what it is.
Religion or not read the serenity prayer. It helps a lot.
I've also realized how short life really is and I'm going to be as happy as I can while I'm here
Well I hope to God that your mother is not living with you or you with her, and if you are living together....GET OUT!!!!! And if you're not living together, just stay away..... as in far away. You nor your daughter deserve to live your lives with an alcoholic. Period, end of sentence. I would like to think that you would think enough of your own daughter that you wouldn't continue to expose her to this BS, and your alcoholic mother. So stay away, call APS and report a vulnerable adult living by themselves and let them handle things from there. If and when your mother seeks help for her drinking, then you can decide if you want to be back in her life, but until then make sure that you and your daughter are attending some Al-Anon meetings as they will be able to help you both be stronger and learn the danger of enabling an alcoholic.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I hope that you will fill out your profile.
I would like especially to know your age, your daughter's age?
Who lives with who? Are you and daughter living in mom's home with her?
Is she living in your home with you?
What is mom's overall condition mentally and physically? What activities and friends?
What limitations?
In knowing only what little you tell us here I will suggest first of all that you and daughter attend Al-Anon together. You will meet so many in like circumstances who are dealing with alcoholism. You will get guidance to help and suggestions, but most of all you will understand that the non-alcoholic is basically as helpless as the alcoholic in this situation, and has really only two options. One is to stay (in which case nagging and hounding someone is worthless and counter productive) and the other is to go (which means basically to tell the alcoholic they are on their own, and supply numbers for AA when they wish to get some help.
I will leave you with this. I once famously said to my partner, about his mom's alcoholism, "It's an option". She didn't live with us. She chose to keep herself pretty lubricated with a constant flow of vodka and OJ. He visited her in AZ once yearly and called every Sunday. He helped her in arranging a reverse mortgage and she kept her cleaning gal until her death. Even when almost bedbound she took joy in her cocktails and in the little running water from the hose that fed a pond frequented by her desert wildlife. It was her choice. She may have fallen? If she did we didn't know; we were 100s and 100s of miles away.
I wish you the best. I am so sorry. I think there is honestly little that you may be able to do.
Sounds like she's depressed and self medicating and maybe an alcoholic now. Does she have any interest in bettering her situation by getting off the booze? If not, you're going to have to set boundaries and extricate yourself as soon as she gets nasty to you or your daughter. She especially does not deserve this and should not be subjected to mistreatment.
Best of luck.
Alvadeer said everything, and it's not much more I can add to this.
My mother was an alcoholic. I've been a member of Al-Anon for over forty years. Al-Anon was there for me when I was going through those storms of manipulations, verbal and physical abuse.
With that being said it is still difficult at times to leave, and I have for a long time brought it home. I've learned much after joining this forum.
I've learned, I didn't make mom old.
I've learned that life is short and I deserve to be happy even if mom is not, or in pain.
I've learned how to feel sadness for her declining health, but how to let it go. It takes practice and a lot of talking to myself, telling myself over and over I deserve to be happy.
I feel the pain and the sadness, but for the most part when I walk back into my house I let it go.
I suspect this is called compartmentalizing .
I accept it for what it is. Let go let God, we can not change any of this but we can change how we handle it.
Try to meditate and mindfulness.
And a lot of telling myself, let go let God. Or it is what it is.
Religion or not read the serenity prayer. It helps a lot.
I've also realized how short life really is and I'm going to be as happy as I can while I'm here
Welcome to are forum. Think of you
And if you're not living together, just stay away..... as in far away.
You nor your daughter deserve to live your lives with an alcoholic. Period, end of sentence.
I would like to think that you would think enough of your own daughter that you wouldn't continue to expose her to this BS, and your alcoholic mother.
So stay away, call APS and report a vulnerable adult living by themselves and let them handle things from there.
If and when your mother seeks help for her drinking, then you can decide if you want to be back in her life, but until then make sure that you and your daughter are attending some Al-Anon meetings as they will be able to help you both be stronger and learn the danger of enabling an alcoholic.