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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
How do you know that your brother "is medicating her inappropriately" since he lives with mom and cares for her daily and you do not? You also say in your profile:
"My mother lives with my brother in Florida. He is neglecting her, medicating her inappropriately, and not getting her to the doctor."
So again, how would you know such things? Surely you are not making such serious accusations against your brother based on what your mother with Alzheimer's/dementia is saying SOLELY, and without firsthand knowledge yourself.
Siblings differ. Care tasks & style differ. Eg Pill for every ailment or just let it be.
Try to move past your's & your Brother's differences now. See if you can talk to him at a calm time.
Listen to what he says. What his description of the current situation is.
Then ask if you can get permission to get a medical update from Mother's Doctor.
Get the Facts.
I've seen cases where treatment has become futile, or burdensome & has switched to 'comfort care'. If family members are not informed they may misunderstand. This causes much anger & hurt. Can destroy sibling relationships.
One such family contained 3 siblings, none listening to medical advice. #1 demanded all treatment: feeding tube, CPR etc, #2 pushed to withdraw all treatment for a fast end of life, #3 sought a clairvoyant.. That family just disintegrated.
Consider the relationships you want to save & improve for your future.
I also agree with Snoopy. Your brother is doing all of the heavy lifting and he could very well be burning out. If that is the case, the best solution for everyone is placement in a facility. Mom will receive adequate care around the clock. You and your brother can visit as often as you like.
Why don’t you tell your brother about this website? There are lots of articles that he could read. There are many posters who have been in his shoes and there are posters who have found placement to be the best solution. All would be happy to chat with him.
We would love to hear his side of things because as Lea pointed out. He is the one who is caring for your mom.
Best wishes to you and your family. Please let us know if your brother is interested in joining in on this conversation with you.
I agree we need so much more info. Is the brother the caregiver? Is he the POA? Has this been discussed with Mom's doctor? Has the sister attempted to discuss this with the brother or is this a siblings squabble. We just need a lot more info.
“I am caring for my mother J, who is 89 years old, living at home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, depression, and mobility problems.”
How long has your brother been taking care of your mother at his home? Not to excuse any mistreatment or neglect, but could he be becoming overwhelmed or burned out?
A call to your state Elder Abuse Hotline might help. A call to your local Senior Services office would probably help as well. Most are the local resource for Abuse investigations. the call to them will start an investigation and the goal is to keep mom safe. Your brother may be overwhelmed and need help. The Senior Services can get him on the right track to the help that he needs.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
"My mother lives with my brother in Florida. He is neglecting her, medicating her inappropriately, and not getting her to the doctor."
So again, how would you know such things? Surely you are not making such serious accusations against your brother based on what your mother with Alzheimer's/dementia is saying SOLELY, and without firsthand knowledge yourself.
Try to move past your's & your Brother's differences now. See if you can talk to him at a calm time.
Listen to what he says. What his description of the current situation is.
Then ask if you can get permission to get a medical update from Mother's Doctor.
Get the Facts.
I've seen cases where treatment has become futile, or burdensome & has switched to 'comfort care'. If family members are not informed they may misunderstand. This causes much anger & hurt. Can destroy sibling relationships.
One such family contained 3 siblings, none listening to medical advice. #1 demanded all treatment: feeding tube, CPR etc, #2 pushed to withdraw all treatment for a fast end of life, #3 sought a clairvoyant.. That family just disintegrated.
Consider the relationships you want to save & improve for your future.
Where are you getting your information from?
I also agree with Snoopy. Your brother is doing all of the heavy lifting and he could very well be burning out. If that is the case, the best solution for everyone is placement in a facility. Mom will receive adequate care around the clock. You and your brother can visit as often as you like.
Why don’t you tell your brother about this website? There are lots of articles that he could read. There are many posters who have been in his shoes and there are posters who have found placement to be the best solution. All would be happy to chat with him.
We would love to hear his side of things because as Lea pointed out. He is the one who is caring for your mom.
Best wishes to you and your family. Please let us know if your brother is interested in joining in on this conversation with you.
I think we need a bit more information about your mom's situation.
Who is prescribing the meds your mom is getting?
Is mom on hospice?
“I am caring for my mother J, who is 89 years old, living at home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, depression, and mobility problems.”
How long has your brother been taking care of your mother at his home? Not to excuse any mistreatment or neglect, but could he be becoming overwhelmed or burned out?
A call to your local Senior Services office would probably help as well. Most are the local resource for Abuse investigations.
the call to them will start an investigation and the goal is to keep mom safe. Your brother may be overwhelmed and need help. The Senior Services can get him on the right track to the help that he needs.