My daughters are his step-children, one stayed 3 mos and another helps. I need help (and will get some home help in May w/ bathing, dressing, and lunch). I am 88 and taking care of both inside and outside chores, finances, shopping, etc. What do I do now that he refuses to use the rolater, but is considering a walker. Very angry, depressed.
You need more help than your "kids" (including both of yours as "your") can do.
Heck at 69 I do not think I could do now all the things I did for my Husband.
Can you get caregivers in to help out? Even 2 days a week would give you a much needed break.
Have you checked with a Hospice in your area to see if he would qualify? With Hospice you would get a Nurse that would come at least 1 time a week and a CNA that would come at least 2 times a week to give him a bath or shower and get him dressed and if needed change bedding. And you would get equipment and supplies delivered to you.
And you can request a Volunteer that would come sit with him so you can get out and get some time to your self.
It may come a time when leaving him alone for 2 hours once in a while may not be safe. You never know when something might happen. He might wander off, he might fall, he might turn on the stove and forget to turn it off or leave the water running.
PLEASE look for some help other than your adult kids.
If you can afford to hire help please do it.
If you can't afford in home help it is time to look at placing your husband in a facility because at 88 years old you cannot keep caring for your 94 year old husband alone.
You cannot at your age expect to continue to care alone for your husband, and the two of you are currently not in a safe situation. An injury to you would leave your husband's care needs wanting, and it isn't fair to remain such a burden on your girls.
I would sit with your two girls and first discuss what options you might think of. Perhaps take a tour of places. Go over your finances with your family.
I sure wish you luck. My partner and I are edging up closer and closer to these decisions ourselves, being 80 and 82, and while we have some family in area they would not be a help to us ongoing; we will have to provide for our own needs due to circumstances. I can sympathize with the difficulty of knowing when and if to make the decisions.
I would strongly suggest that instead of hiring in home help, that you look into finding a suitable facility for him. Ask his doctor for some guidance. Tell his doctor that this is becoming too much for you.
You can be an advocate for your husband once he is placed and visit him as often as you like. Or you could live in the same facility as your husband.
Your husband shouldn’t be left alone for any period of time. Forget about what his children do or don’t do.
Sure, it would be nice if the children were involved in his life but you have no control over what they do. Your husband’s care is up to you to plan for.
How are you doing? Do you have any health issues of your own? Please take care of yourself.
Best wishes to you and your husband.