We were taking a short walk along the country road in front of our house. He got dizzy and fell into the ditch. He insisted he would rather crawl home than to let me get the car and drive him the rest of the way. I ignored him and got the car. This is one of many examples.
You seem to have it down. I say that because you went and got the car anyway.
The only thing I can suggest is if tending your DH is causing you to “go nuts” then hire help. He will fuss but he does anyway. Take breaks that are long enough to revive you. Make sure you hire someone who can see past the attitude.
Irritability is one symptom of depression. Is that being treated adequately?
Also, when he's in a better mood you might want to take him to visit an AL that has a good reputation ("for you") to show him they're not the horrible, scary places that he heard about in his youth.
I'm hoping he has all his legal ducks in a row for your sake: DPoA, Advance Health Care Directive (Living Will), estate planning for Last Will, etc. Depending on your financial condition meeting with a Medicaid Planner would be money well spent. Even if he doesn't go to these appointments, you should go yourself so you can be prepared. And if you have adult children who are your PoAs they should be informed of what this all means and kept in the loop even if it feels "early". Blessings to you!
It's harder for some Seniors to accept that they can't do what they use to.
Does he take blood pressure medications and/or diuretics?
Those medications tend to work against the body's natural mechanisms to keep blood pressure high enough for the brain when changing positions. If he takes these medications, he needs to get up slowly and stand/sit for a few moments before moving.
Do his dizzy spells come on suddenly and without provocation/exertion?
A holter monitor, wearable EKG, for a couple days, could find out which heart rhythm patterns he is having and guide the doctor to appropriate treatment options. If he won't comply with this, then try to get him to use a cane of walker when he is walking.
If he's still together well enough mentally to have understanding, speak very plainly. Tell him that if he refuses medical care or any kind of assistance something serious will happen, and when it does it will result in him being put into a nursing home. Then explain that no one including yourself wants to see that happen, but it will be out of your hands because you won't be able to take care of him on your own.
Sometimes when a person is told plainly they understand.
With dementia, there may come a time when your husband is not really happy anywhere - with anyone. Please consider he may deal better with the staff at a good MC than with family at some point. A good MC where you are available to see him. can take him for walks at the facility or a local park, and make sure he has adequate care may be a better care choice (for both of you) than him remaining at home. Be open to the possibility at some point in this journey.
In my state, Medicaid will pay at least a certain amount for AL/MC when someone qualifies for it. See an elderly law attorney and consider what your financial options may be.
Hugs 🤗