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Doctor says she had a brain hemorrhage and wants to put in a feeding tube, both of my parents died of cancer and there was a point in their journey where we had to care for their quality of life. I don’t have experience with the elderly, but isn’t a feeding tube going to causing more harm than good?

She’s 90. She’s had a good life. Why make her life miserable with a feeding tube?

If my grandson was ever in your spot, I would want him to let me go to The Lord in PEACE.

Let Grandma go. 🩷
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Reply to cxmoody
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I feel the same way, but I don’t know how to tell my aunt. I suggested to why not make her comfortable and her response was “without eating “ . I didn’t know what else to say to her, other than I feel that they are putting her through unnecessary discomfort and pain.
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Reply to Eli1981
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Beatty Jun 21, 2024
Cure vs Harm?

The aim of this feeding tube..?
Short term until recovery?
Life at all cost to align with family beliefs? An option a Doctor mentioned because they wished to avoid removing all hope?

I've seen this situation many times.

I have no idea if this will help your situation. But an elder refusing or unable to eat that slowly slips away is not a bad way to go at all. Family have time to sit & say goodbye. It can be peaceful.

I think if the elder chooses for themself to stop eating & drinking it can be somewhat easier. Some family members may be distraught or fight them, not ready to let go. But when the CHOICE falls in family (your Aunt) it is a burden. Could feel like your Aunt holfds the decision to live or die. But I disagree.

I don't hold man-made medicine in such that high a view. I am not religious (many are & would ask for guidence there). I defer to Mother Nature.

A woman with a long life, that now cannot eat, what would Mother Nature do?
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Often when people get old, they cease to eat, one reason being that their different systems are shutting down-and eating is actually painful.

My MIL lasted the last year of her life on >300-400calories per day. We were told she would die within a month of beginning to starve herself. She lasted a year.

BUT--the option to put in a feeding tube was never discussed. She had made her EOL choices, and this was one of them.

A feeding tube can cause bloating, gas, and a lot of gastro issues.

Grandma is 90. Perhaps it's time to bring in Hospice Care.
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Reply to Midkid58
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FWIW, I'm 87 and a feeding tube would be a hard NO for me! I've stated as much in my healthcare directive and personal letter.
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Reply to ElizabethAR37
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I am an old nurse, 81. I have long had it in my advance directive that I will accept no feeding tube, NG or PEG and no IV TPN feedings. Had it there for two decades. I am surprised your grandmother didn't make her wishes regarding end of life care clear. I am even more surprised that any doctor would suggest a feeding tube for someone 90. with a brain hemorrhage.

I am sorry if this is the case to be done to your grandmother. In all honesty I think it exceptionally cruel. I would request hospice if the decision is yours and your grandmother cannot make it for herself.

Sorry for what you are going through. No matter how many tubes you put down your grandmother is likely dying. With Hospice she can be made comfortable. With tube feedings she will likely have severe diarrhea and bed sores and a prolonging of her misery.

Again, I as a retired RN find this quite shocking for a doctor to suggest. Back in my time it was a profit thing, but there's no profit in it now with DRGs paying for hospital care. So I cannot imagine a doctor wanting to put an elder through this.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Moondancer Jun 21, 2024
My friend of 57 years died 2 years ago at UCSF hospital. All of her paperwork was in order and I was her medical proxy. They insisted that offering her food and hand feeding was not covered by the statement "no artificial nutrition." I have since amended my documents to specify ” do not offer food, no hand feeding, no water other than to moisten lips.”
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Please no feeding tube.
If she has had a brain hemorrhage have the doctors determined how much damage has been done?
Is she conscious?
Is she cognizant?
Has she ever expressed what her wishes are for her end of life decisions?

If it were me deciding for a loved one I would NOT do a feeding tube, I would not do intubation. And I would not do IV's strictly for hydration. (administrating medications is another thing but I would have to think about why.)

At this point I would opt for Hospice.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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No, just no. Your grandma has had a long life and the chances of her regaining a good after a stroke are small, let her go. I'm sorry.
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Reply to cwillie
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We should all be so lucky to live a good long life with no chronic illness and then have a quickish exit if possible.

Please do not rob your grandmother of this. Have hospice keep her comfortable.

I used to work in nursing homes many many years ago when feeding tubes were common in these cases . It was a miserable existence for these poor people, that could last years .

I’m sorry . I hope your aunt can let go .
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Reply to waytomisery
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Sorry about your grandma, but agree no feeding tube🙏🏾
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Reply to cover9339
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The feeding tube in itself isn’t necessarily harmful. But having had my mother have one for four miserable years, the feeding tube was the least of the issues. Her tube was placed following a brain bleed or hemorrhagic stroke when our family was surrounded by a small army of neurologists telling us it would be temporary while she recovered. And that her recovery was imminent with some therapy. Much valiant effort was made by her and the therapists, but no recovery came. So the issue became, how do you pull out the source of nutrition for an awake and mentally intact person? No one is willing to do such. A wonderful lady lives unable to do anything for herself, and over time loses even more skills. The small army of confident doctors long ago disappeared while my dad figured out nursing home payments and eventually Medicaid. My mother was in her early 70’s, for someone who is 90 I’d certainly hope for a far more peaceful exit from this life. I wish you both peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Robert525 Jun 22, 2024
My wife is now 71 and on a feeding tube. The Neurologist implied it was a temporary measure to help expedite recovery but the recovery never came. Now 3 1/2 years later her days consist of staring at the TV and me responsible for 100 percent of her care. I would not encourage anyone to accept this measure for an elderly relative.
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Leave her be. Her body is deciding it’s had enough.

My 95 yo mother stopped eating three weeks ago. She had CHF and the disease caused fluid build up in her abdomen. She was miserable and feeling lousy all the time and unable to walk and had arthritis. She gave up because she knew there was nothing left to fight for. Her body could not be fixed. She died peacefully last Thursday.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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cover9339 Jun 22, 2024
<(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
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Eli,

I am sorry for the loss of your parents.

I have to agree with everyone else. No feeding tube for your grandma.

It’s normal for appetites to diminish as people approach the end of their lives.

Wishing you peace as you anticipate the loss of your grandmother.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Eli1981, does your grandmother have a will, a health directive, and a Power of Attorney set up? She may have very already stated her preferences about a feeding tube in those documents. Try to find them and see what they say. Your answer about what to do might be within those papers.

My mil made the choice to stop living and begin dying the day after she saw her last grandchild (one month old whe she saw him). That's what she lived for, the final "to do" on the to-do list. The next morning, she didn't get out of bed and didn't want to eat. We knew what her wishes were and hospice guided us with keeping her comfortable and assuring us she was not starving, just simply starting the process of leaving this life. We offered food for a few days and she refused. Her choice. I think somehow God gives a special measure of grace to the mind as the body goes through a natural dying process so that there is peace. I do know that when I swabbed her mouth to keep it moist, she'd clamp down on those swabs and suck them. In retrospect, I wish I had swabbed more often.
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