My brother and I have never been close and his wife is always causing problems and drama. They have stopped me from seeing my dad. They want to take over his finances and I think it is why they want me out of the picture. Can I do anything to see my dad?
To my mind they are the ones taking care of him. His care, at 90, would likely cost anywhere from the cheapest ALF (if he's able and competent) at 5,000 a month to 20,000 for MC facility. I hope that your brother and his wife are the POA. I hope that they have already a good care contract done by a good Elder Law Attorney for shared living costs and expenses.
As to your seeing your Dad, I am thinking if you are cooperative, non-questioning, keeping your advice to a minimum, not upsetting and questioning your Dad, offering respite and help to those providing care that you would likely be very welcome, indeed.
In my own personal opinion, the children that choose to give care (something I myself would NEVER have chosen to do) should be the ones to get the larger amount of any money extant upon the death of the elders.
I have little to no tolerance for "siblings at war" over the living body of a parent. It is intolerably cruel to my mind. Again, just personal opinion.
I would offer A) help B) support C)admiration for a job done.
I think more bees are attracted to honey than acidity.
Do you know if your brother has dual Power of Attorney for your Dad? If your Dad has memory issues, your brother has the right to make decisions for your Dad. Caring for an elder is expensive, like AlvaDeer had mentioned in her posting. I assume your brother and his wife are senior citizens themselves or approaching, and at their age it can become physically and emotionally exhausting to continue to care for your Dad at home.
There must be a back story as to why your brother isn't letting you visit with your Dad. Sometimes the sibling that is doing all the caregiving is resentful of the other sibling who's life is not disrupted by elder care. Have you ever been the caregiver for your Dad? If not, have you sent money to your brother to help with the expense of caregiving?
This person (another relative, friend, neighbour) is best to be someone trusted by both you & your brother.
You have the right to express your wish to visit Dad, but I don't know about 'rights' to visit.
The person being visited has the right to allow or disallow who visit them.
So if Dad & you both want to see each other, and this is not unsafe, it is reasonable this be considered & arranged.
Yet your brother has the right to say who enters his home.
So maybe not inside your brother's home if this is an issue? Eg outside on the porch (with a referee) or a local cafe.
Working out HOW to make this work for ALL sides is the way to future sucessfull visits.
Assigning 'bad guy/gal' roles & telling people what to do will do the opposite. Will get you frozen out.