It’s becoming extremely frustrating for me and my brothers to have a conversation with him or anyone for that matter. He has the financial means to afford better quality hearing aids, but he refuses to and he is stubborn. He mentioned to me that his hearing loss is at 80% and according to his doctor, he is only hearing at 20% even with hearing aids.
When face to face having a conversation with him, I can see him reading my lips to figure out what I’m trying to say. I don’t feel comfortable with him driving because he has crashed his car a few times how do I convince my dad that he shouldn’t be driving anymore? He is very stubborn and independent. I fear for his safety and others. Well, he is driving with such impaired hearing and his right leg is starting to not function correctly. He tells me that he had a recent driving test. And that he “passed with flying colors” , but my family and I are skeptical about that conclusion.
Would the idea of him learning sign language be helpful? Any input would be helpful. Our family is at wits end what to do to help him hear better and convince him that he no longer should be driving due to extreme hearing loss and many car accidents.
Extreme stubbornness is usually the first indications of dementia (and lying -- or a delusion -- about passing a recent driving test).
This past spring, here is how I got my 95-yr old Mom to stop driving:
As her assigned PoA I needed a letter of sufficient incapacity from her primary doctor. I went into her medical portal and requested she get discretely tested, then I made up an excuse for her to go to that appointment. You can tell your Dad that he will be assessed for "free" hearing aids, or that he will get some sort of big discount on something if he goes in for a free Medicare annual wellness test. THis is called a therapeutic fib. If you don't have access to his online portal you can call his primary's nurse to explain what you need them to do. They will cooperate, I've done this twice already (once with my MIL and now with my Mom).
Make sure to tell them that he has become a dangerous driver. His primary may write up an order to have him virtually assessed through Occupational therapy (this is what happened to my Mom). At this assessment she failed totally. The OT then writes up the result and it went into my Mom's medical record, where her primary saw it. As mandated reporters, the primary sent the failure on to the Dept of Public Safety, who cancelled her license.
You can also report him as an unsafe driver online to the Dept of Public Safety, or the DMV. You will need all the info off his driver's license and give them specific incidents or reasons. They will likely send out a letter telling him to come in for a test (usually an eye exam). Don't let him see the letter, make sure no one takes him to the test. They will not renew his license.
Before doing all this, disable his vehicle in a way that makes him think it is broken (so that he doesn't report it as stolen). Then offer to have it "towed" to the repair shop. Take the keys. Tell him it's a very expensive repair and will take some time. Tell him whatever fib you think he will accept.
It's not hearing loss that is the most dangerous problem with his driving, it is his executive functioning (judgment).
I hope someone is his PoA... if not you may need to pursue guardianship for him in the courts. I wish you success in helping him and keeping others on the road safe.
I had given my. mother an iPad a few years ago. We texted back and forth for important conversations using that. That worked very well for us.
I would definitely take the car keys away, It sounds like time.
Good luck navigating this.
My hubby (78) was almost deaf in one ear, so I convinced him to see an ENT doctor. Turned out hubby wasn't deaf, that over the years the wax in his ear became as hard as concrete. It was so far down in the ear canal that a regular doctor wouldn't have seen it. It took many different tries to break up that wax and using different solutions, finally one did the trick, so the ENT was able to break apart the wax and vacuum out. Hubby can hear again :)
Please note that deaf people drive every day without having any accidents, their other senses become more acute, but these people are much younger. It's your Dad's age that is one problem as our judgement with driving slows down with each new year. Note that Sign Language isn't easy to learn, especially if one isn't a good speller, plus you need to think quickly. Better to use a white-board to write down what to say, Dad can erase it and write his answer.