Moving my Aunt from assisted living into memory care this Saturday. Any words of advice?

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Moving my Aunt from assisted living into memory care this Saturday. Any words of advice?

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So this journey down the rabbit hole of Dementia continues!
After my epiphany that I need to respect my Aunts wishes of not leaving the area she has lived in for the last 43 years a lot has happened.
She has been officially diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Her low life son has been placed in a shelter and is now receiving SSI. Her ALF has insisted that she move to memory care.
At $8,000.00 a month for a private room, she will run out of money in aprox 4 or 5 years. It's completely possible that she will live longer than that.
I opted for a shared room for financial reasons. Not sure how she's gonna handle it.
Many of you have had a positive experience with your LO's in a shared room, but many of didn't.
Any words of advice as to what I can expect?

Alzheimer's & Dementia Assisted Living Moving

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It’s great that you are helping your aunt. If her son receives SSI, it likely means that he is disabled. Does he have mental illness? Thus the shelter? Is he able to help with her care or engage in meaningful communication at this point?

I’d consult with an elder law attorney to make sure you have proper documents to manage her affairs and make medical decisions. And get info on Medicaid planning, so you know what the options are down the road. Based on all of the work you will be doing for her managing her care for the rest of her life, I’d relocate her to be where you live and want to be happy. She will progress and not realize what city she is in and not recall where she may have told you she wants to live.

The shared room sounds good. My LO loved her roommates, except for one who was destructive. Give it time. My LO loved MC immediately, some require adjustment time. I’d keep in mind that some people with dementia aren’t content with any living arrangement, even living in their own homes may cause them dissatisfaction.

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Thanks Sunnygirl,
Yes, my cousin is mentally ill. He was physically abusive towards my Aunt so I had to obtain a restraining order. So he can't nor is he able to be of any assistance to his mother.
I have all the proper legal documents in order. It's amazing how much time it takes dealing with someone else's business affairs.
I so glad to hear that you had a positive experience with your LO in a shared room. It gives me hope!

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Xrayjidib, in that case, I’d really consider your needs too. Being the responsible person for a dementia patient is a huge job. You are on call 24/7. It’s very demanding and could go on for years. (So far, it’s 6 yrs for me,) You are a good person for caring and sacrificing to help your aunt.

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My aunt was in a shared room when she was in rehab in her 90s. She found it interesting to have another person in the room. Her roommate had severe alzheimer, and got visits from her daughter regularly. My aunt helped her roommate by bringing her glasses of water. One piece of advice, downsize her to essentials - nothing valuable, no more than $5 of cash, no checks, have all of her financial statements sent to you (if you are her POA), take away anything dangerous like scissors or knives, have comfortable clothes for her (elastic waist) that can stand up to rough laundry services (hot water, hot dryer), and put labels with her name on her clothes if they don't do it at her facility. She can have personal things like photos and pictures, possibly her own bedding (put her name label on it) etc. Make sure all of her paperwork is in order with POA, a will, medical directives, etc. if it's not too late.

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My parent removed a sharp knife from the kitchen and lied about its whereabouts. Still don't know where it is. Person is dependant on opiates for pain and has been running out of pills past 2 months and having some cold turkeys during those times. Has been having paranoid delusions about people outside since the riots. The apartment lease belongs to the parent who wants to remain "independent" so I (the only child) am looking at how to move out unemployed and vulnerable amidst a pandemic. Parent cannot afford apartment on their own. I am concerned about covid in NH Alf but I think they are safer there where they and their meds can be managed. Lesson for us all as we age. When we're crazy we won't know it.

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I went through this a year ago...suffice it to say, I found this wonderful residential home in my area with 8 residents and a staff of 3/1 although there always seems to be more staff than that...I could go on and on about this wonderful home (this company has 9 houses) but what I was warned when I had 5 days to decide whether my mom was going to stay in a shared nursing home, shared memory care facility or this residential home....to be careful what they will nickle and dime you....will at some point they tell you that your mom needs additional help and they cant provide it....that just adds more $$$...also if you mom is like mine, quiet, not a wanderer with dementia, not foul mouthed or violent, will they label your mom as a "no problem resident" and thus she will be the forgotten resident? These are all things I was warned about and after 5 years of very hands on care with my mom although she had a livein (through an agency) I needed to find a place that could care for mom and not feel that everyday I was involved in something...my advice to you as I dont know where you live is to see if there are any of these Residential homes that are much smaller and can take care of your LO! Believe me, I thought the RH would be a dump and a rehab of a home, but I was so wrong....mom is 96, has just spent 3 different visits in the hospital and back at her Residential home and seems to be on her last path, but her home has been so proactive with me in her change of care and the recommendation of hospice originally not necessarily for end of life, but for further assistance, that I could not be more pleased with the care and respect they have given to my mom and to me as her daughter.

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Thank you for your insightful post. We had an urgent situation that required dad be placed in a memory care facility during the C-19.
we feel very fortunate to have a residential facility similar to your moms'. The staff is incredible. Kindness and compassion is a trait shared by all of them.
We feel very blessed.

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I agonized about moving Mom in with a roommate. I was pleasantly surprised when Mom liked it better than the single room she had been in for 5 months. I hope it works that way for your aunt.

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You may eventually want to consider Board and Care in a facility that is more home like and with fewer patients. Many find that this works better, and many find it works not as well. If you think her money would last four or five years it may be the case that she will care little after that about where she is; and of course that may NOT be the case. Why not start out with the shared room and see how that goes for her. You may be advised not to visit for a little bit. This is often what is advised. As you can imagine the change comes as quite a shock, and the visits of someone seen as having an "answer" to the situation often results in upset for the elder, delaying adjustment. Every facility seems to handle it differently. Some thrive with being able to wander a complex more freely, have more company; some do not.

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Thanks Alvadeer,
As it turns out, I may not be able to see her for a while.
My hope is that I can bring her to Montana for a visit in the Fall.
Time will tell!

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My dad is moving to memory care next week to a private room with shared bathroom. It was the best we could do as single rooms are far more expensive and all seem to be full in our area. My dad would not be the best roommate for someone (behaviors -- calling out, etc) so hoping the shared bathroom will work for him. They told me the man on the other side is really nice so maybe they will like each other.

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When we moved my father from independent living into memory care, I thought he might enjoy the presence of other people, since he had become more isolated as his memory and mobility faltered; he used to be a fairly social person. He didn't because the others were all a little off in their own ways. People with dementia can be surprisingly perceptive. He did seem to get along with the staff pretty well. People seem to get more absorbed in themselves as they get older and nursing home staff is mostly about meeting physical needs, not so much about socializing.

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I just went through this as well, so interested in seeing the responses. The quarantines during the pandemic cut me off from my mother, and I was helping to nurse her. That meant she had to be moved from independent, then to assisted, and finally to memory care. I have no real access to her and I'm dependent on what the facility and hospice nurses tell me, and when they will let me at least Facetime with her. She was put in a shared room and it didn't go well for Mom, but when I asked the facility why they couldn't handle a person with Alzheimers at 8000 a month, they stopped complaining about my mother and moved her to a private room without raising my cost. We are also running through money exponentially, and I'm worried my mother will outlive her resources--and she's under hospice.

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My mother outlived hers and we live together but it may be becoming dangerous due to her paranoia, etc. So, don't know how it will turn out. Caution if she moves in with you and is mobile enough to steal knives fron the kitchen, get into disinfectants, etc.

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I’m 8 months ahead of your journey. My mother is now in single room at nice Memory Care. Several times she mentioned that she wished she had a roommate. Please don’t feel guilt about placing her w shared room. She might like it.

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When my Mom went into memory care, she never even knew she had a room mate. Yet she noticed other things. So it was no problem at all, thankfully. However, most do want a friend when there. It was not unusual to see two women holding hands and walking together, just like young kids walking in a park. They enjoyed each other's company. It all depends on how each person's brain is functioning at the time. She might take sometime to adjust.

Moving my Aunt from assisted living into memory care this Saturday. Any words of advice?

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