She lived with my husband and I for two years met a man at church got married without my permission I have DPA the church people new how we felt and the pastor did also. We found out the day before they got married, and the following day her money was taken from the bank this was in both our names. I have been to an elder care attorney with paperwork and everything ,only to be told I did not have a case. Now fast forward a year now they will be married a year, from day one she calls him by my stepdads name, who passed 6 years ago. He cashed a check made out to my mom,and owed me $600 and said he didn't have any money. I asked him to take it out of savings, he said they didn't have savings, my mother has contributed over $30,000 dollars to that household and they don't have any money? Really and the attorney told me I didn't have a case. It's sad our justice system is so backward that they would not allow me to help my mother. I was told guardianship was very expensive,and it doesn't guarantee I would get it any way. So as far as I'm concerned, There is no justice , for the elderly being abused certainly not my mom. Oh if my mom was in her right mind she would never have picked this guy! Any one that knows my mom would testify in court to that.
Our culture and our laws highly value independence and self-reliance. We have laws to try to protect a vulnerable adult from exploitation and self-harm, but we are very, very reluctant to take away an individual's rights for self-determination. People are allowed to make their own mistakes, to make their own decisions even if they are very bad decisions.
Balancing between protecting the vulnerable and respecting each individual's right to self-determination is often a touch act!
If your mother had been at any point declared by a court to be incompetent I don't think your attorney would have given the advice he/she did. Having dementia does not automatically make someone incompetent in the legal sense. Most dementia patients do arrive at that point, if they live long enough, but in the beginning they are assumed to be competent until proven otherwise.
Please believe me, JanieP, I am sympathetic to your point of view. But I also understand that the law tries to walk a fine line when taking away person's rights to self-determination. Telling a woman that she cannot marry the person she wants to is pretty serious business.
You mention that the congregation knew how you felt. And? Did they agree with how you felt? Did they cover up for Mom and her suitor? Did the minister perform the marriage? Maybe the congregation's behavior about this is along the lines of the lawyer's opinion. You didn't have a case to prevent this.
Aside from the money, has Mom been happily married for the last year? Does she enjoy living with this man more than she liked living with her daughter? Does he seem to be taking good care of her -- seeing that she eats well, goes out for fun, gets social and mental stimulation? He seems to be a good sport about her not remembering his name. Do they still attend church? Leaving the money out of this completely, are they getting along well?
There is a lot we don't know about this case, such as how he treats her. Maybe there is still money, but it is squirreled away. I do hope that it turns out well.