Mom has complained of other attacks and wasn't believed but this time it was on video so they have to believer her. I have been the only one who takes her seriously and notified my sisters who are co-POA's via e-mail what Mom had told me. I then contacted Adult Protective services and made a report. So for the moment Mom is safe, at least that is what I have been told. I want her out of there! I have 4500 characters left so I need help and every path I take has been wrong.
A little over three years ago my mom had a stroke then a year later Renal failure and then the following year her heart went into A-fib.. Mom has four daughters all different in many ways, I am retired and was the one who Mom could talk to and who had the time to help her out. My older sister lives in Louisiana, I am three years younger than she; six years later another sister who just retired and was a newlywed. The youngest sister is a busy school teacher with a family. Family very dysfunctional with an abusive father and combative husband who passed away in 1997 and suffered from life long alcoholism. My older sister and I feared by dad as my mom did witnessing all the abuse. The little sisters were angry at my Mom for finally leaving him because it disrupted their life. Mom has favored the youngest who followed in my fathers addictive footsteps. If you were to observe them interact with my mothers you might conclude that they don't like her. They yell at her and are over all nasty to her. So after three years I am falling apart and beg my two little sisters for help. They were very angry at me for they would have to alter their lives to accommodate her. The youngest said she would take Mom and I had to insist that she come to get not send her teen aged son for there was instructions and medications and appointments. Well she came to get mom, first thing she asked was were was moms pain medications. Mom had been on narcotic pain meds for her neck for 15 years and she over the last year slowly stopped taking them with the help of a anxiety medication and anti depressant and only had 4 pills left. She was doing quite well and her heart doctor was to shock her heart back into rhythm and she would be good as new. Once her blood was thinned and she was strong enough she would be ready. Last check he was ready to do the procedure but her lungs didn't sound right, he though she might have pneumonia. A chest xray and 30 days and she would be ready. With that my sister took her away. Mom weighed 201 September 2014 which was heavy for mom withdrawing from the narcotics caused a terrible sweet tooth. She was looking healthy and happy, Mom went with my sister early February 2015 and that is when the abuse started. The sister that took her and I don't agree on most things so I stood back and allowed them to take over. It would have impossible to share the responsibility. She had a lot of family help, her husband, her son in his early 20s and a daughter in 9th grade. I let go and agreed to give her daughter a ride one a week and I could see mom from the street. I wasn't allowed in to their house with out an invitation but I could see Mom in a chair watching tv. When asked they said she was fine. What I didn't know was that the took her put her in that chair and left her there. My older sister was called the first of May and was told she better get her cause mom didn't have long, they were calling hospice. Sister came as soon as she could and found mom in a very weak state. The medical records that I could get from my doctor showed that she weighed 154 lbs, March 23, nearly a 50 lb loss she could barely walk and talk, there was little food to eat and no one would buy food. My older sister did what she could got mom to eat a little every few hours. So my three sisters were trying to figure out what to do and they decided to put her in a home. Older sister went home and the two younger ones found a place. The didn't tell them moms health conditions, according to the nurse I spoke to had no idea mom had had some serious health issues...They stuck her there it has been a fight since. My falling cutting her head open stitches needed, she continued to fall, of course out of sight I was the only one she could contact by phone. Of course they now have POA and tricked her into signing it she thought she was signing a living will. She called me crying they had taken her antidepressant away that she has taken over 20 years she had complained to my older sister she didn't feel right. Now histerical I went to her for the caregivers would only tell her the doctor ordered it. I asked them to check the records they did and sure enough they had stopped the wrong medication. It was a blood thinner that dr changed and they stopped the wrong one.....since then Mom says she has been attacked 3 times no video to prove lots of bruises..and I have been restricted for abusing my Mom based on a lie...oh gosh I'm out of char
My mother is in an assisted living facility, she was attacked by the caregiver in the middle of the night, I'm not POA, what can to do?
Who said you abused your mother? What are the restrictions that have been imposed?
What do you want to happen next?
Like Jeanne, I'm not sure what your question is.
It sounds as though you think that your mother is close being " good as new" while your sisters are saying she's close to dying.
Are you able to communicate with your sisters via email to ascertain mom's true medical condition? Is mom competent to sigb a HIPAA release so that you can be given medical information?
How do you know that meds aren't being given correctly? I would look for information beyond what mom is telling you for that.
Mom was almost as good as new in January 2015 and was waiting another 30 days for her heart doctor to shock her heart back to normal rhythm. That is when my sister took over her care and mother rapid decline began.
During the three years after my moms stroke, I started keeping a spread of her medications. I went back and learned every medication she was prescribed since before the stroke. I was looking to understand her conditions and why she was so many medications. She was drugged day and night. She was living alone and taking her meds on her own. When she had the stroke I was totally in the dark and couldn't help the perametics identify what she had taken. So gradually I asked her questions and learned and with her permission set up her pharmacy on line where I could get all the information on her meds why they would be prescribed, the side effects etc. I want to look for trends, something to explain why she had the stroke and why she went into renal failure. Looking to see what I could to to help her get better. Depressed and in the dark 24/7. I can tell you from memory the last 5 years of her health history with the exception of when my sister took over. Even then I still continued with my spread sheet of her meds. I really became concerned of her well being when they decided that she could no longer see her family doctor that she has been seeing for 15 years and trust him completely. He wouldn't say she had dementia, only she was getting older and very typical of people her age. The information the spreadsheet gave me when looked at with a critical educated eye told me what to question and talk to her doctor about. The errors showed themselves where she was taking some meds wrong and misusing them so she could sleep all the time. She was depressed and that needed to be treated. I also started taking her to see a psychologist that specializes in helping aging adults.
I wasn't looking to mom for information I looked directly at the meds usage, strengths and dose, who prescribed the meds. This is the only way I could at least see if she was getting the right medicine once she was in the home. I really began to pay close attention when the abruptly stopped her antidepressant that she has taken for 25 years for hives and she went into a tizzy.
Need a little bit, Ill be looking for your response,
Thanks for listening to me! Mom told me please don't lie to her and to be her voice. I took those words to heart and I can't let her down.
I would gladly keep her with me and do things a little differently. I wasn't aware of the toll that it would take on me. I now know there is help out there, respire care to introduce a new place and to give me time for my self. I can have people help here in my home. I am set up for alert services as well as a alarm on my home with a service that monitors my home 24/7 at a touch of a button I can get help. I believe mother was suffering with "delirium". mot dementia, although I understand that after the disturbance of her blood flow to her brain which is what happens with a stroke, dehydration, malnutrition and a 50 lb weight loss in a two month period, then a-fib. Can you imagine the toxicity that was flowing through her body. I don't believe she has been given a proper exam to identify the syndrome of dementia.
Mom did write me a note to take to her old family Dr to get her records for the period of time she wasn't in my care but they stopped taking her to see him last May.
Now how did they get her in this home with out a evaluation done by the home. I went down and introduced myself to the administration because I wanted to be able to see Mom, I was only allowed (invited) on Mothers day to see her at my sisters.home. My son helped with moving my Mom in to her apartment there at the home and he wanted to show me how to find her. Looked like the perfect place for her and tried to help her understand that she wouldn't be left alone we wouldn't abandon her. My sisters tricked her in to going there, my sister who lives in another state told her she would be taking her to a resort and then they would go look at the assisted living. Well by the time she picked my up she took her straight to the home. Spent one night with her and left her there only at the last min did she explain to mom that she wouldn't be leaving with her. Knowing the dysfunction that runs in my family my son suggested to me to just hang back the one sister would go home and the other would be busy with her job and family. There would be plenty of time to help mom adjust to the new living arrangements. I reasoning for going and introducing myself. This is when I started putting the puzzle together. Talking to the nurse about my mom's anxiety and that she had medicine to help get her through the afternoons. I found out the knew nothing about my moms health problems, at least that is what the nurse said. "It would have been nice to know." She invited me to tell her and to help if I saw a problem that would help my mom. That is how I got to know all of her caregivers. They were happy to get my input and said that I was the only one who came to visit.
Also, you stated that your mom wighed 200 lbs in Jan 2015 and is now 150 lbs. Not sure how that is a two month weight loss. Mom would have needed to have a complete medical dossier before being admitted to an AL. Perhaps your sisters took her to another doctor.
How do you know they stopped the antidepressant and not the blood thinner? Where are you getting your information from?
So when you showed that video to the ombudsman, what do they say? Are charges being made against any of the caregivers, or the facility?
Do you think we can't figure that out?
Pictures mean nothing; it could be something you picked up off the Internet.
So, reread the poster's answers as I suggested and respond.
Tell us about the alleged video.
You say " I have answered all you questions to the best of my knowledge."
No you haven't, but please feel free to do so anytime.
You will need to also write down all the events that happened in chroniclogical order along with your listing of meds. This will help you when explaining the problem to either ombudsman or elder care. It sounds like you are so stressed that sometimes you are not making any sense. That will make those in charge think you are not a good resource.